Two more days to go back to US. I feel like I am the person waiting to be executed. I really don't like to go back to reality.

Yesterday, SIL and another friend and me took the kids to a kids place to play, and had lunch, then shopping. Now I realize the fun time is going to be ended soon, I have to go back to the reality. I need help. I feel nervours already.

Now you know that you can have fun without your WH. So start planning fun things to do.

We will all be here for you. We have missed you.

I will post more when I am back to US. THere is not much to say now. I didn't call WH, he didn't call either. I would expect him to be here tomorrow.

hey lost, i know you are dreading having to come back and i wish there was a way you didn't have to but as you said "reality" brings you back.

what tapes on Job have you been listening to? are they the ones i suggested? i have kind of compared myself w/job at times but i guess it's more of a reality check to help me realize that even though my situation is very hurtful, etc. that there are many others out there who have gone through worse or are going through worse. the suffering we go through is like you said to glorify God and his will and plan for us is perfect and what is happening is for a reason, to prepare us for something else.

i'm actually not posting much anymore, even when i just post on a few threads, i still spend more time here than i should because i'm at work. i'm also kind of sad because of so many people here telling people like graycloud to go to plan B so soon, like there is no other choice in the world for him to do. i keep saying that plan B is not for everyone and that the harley's don't recommend plan B for everyone but it seems like my comments fall on deaf ears. you know the thing about it is, it would be easier to walk away and we are being anything but doormats by doing plan A and trying to save our M. so i guess i'm kind of upset a little bit. plan A type behaviors (no LB's, meeting needs, etc.) is for life and i just don't see what's so wrong w/doing plan A despite the way our WS treat us and act.

your story is completely different, you did do plan A (and still do) for a long time but you also had a S who was at home (albeit sometimes) and graycloud is doing a plan A w/out his S in the house and has only been doing it for about 3 months. anyway, i guess in order to prevent me from getting so frustrated over the advice other people give that is different then what i think LOL. i just don't read or post much anymore. but you would think that what i say would at least be validated by the fact that i have counseld w/SH so much <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

well i gotta go, please let us know when you get back and are safe and sound. it might not be such a bad idea to get your kids to listen to the tapes on Job either, especially your daughter. continued prayers to you, RR

The tape on JOBs is in Chinese, I only listened 4 of the 7 tapes. I need to return it today.

I couldn't get a hold of WH, so I have no idea when he is coming or actually coming or not. But brother said that he will send us back today, they are having a long weekend. SO I don't care what WH's plan is. If he comes, we are gone, that is the best. Why didn't he pick up my phone? He was not home and cell phone was off.

I already anticipated bad things happen when I go back, I am feeling so sad. I need to talk to SH when I go back before I really go to plan B. I have the same mind set like you, plan A longer. SH gave similar advice. Plan B doesn't fit everyone. You need to be very cautious before step into it.


I just feel sad, sad, and sad now. Brother will be in our house tonight, and WH won't be there. So he will find out what situation I am in. I tried to explained to him, he just didn't realize how bad it is.

thinking and praying for you lost, that God would keep you close to him and in his will and that you would do whatever it is needed in your situation, for your H that he would be convicted and his heart would be softened to you , and for the OW if she is still in the picture to be convicted to walk away, so that your marriage/family has a chance to be rebuilt.

i'm going to try and get an appt w/SH for 8/10/04. let us know when you get an appt. i think it's wise to talk to SH at least one more time before you go to the next step. lots of love and hugs, RR

Well, finally we are home. I missed it, but not missed it. You all know what I mean.

Saturday morning, after seeing a friend and prayed with her, I called Wh again. He finally answered. I told him that brother is driving us home. He said ok and nothing else.

So we left home about 12 noon, and had lunch. Didn't leave town till 2pm. We were having fun by stopping in almost every single service center, kids want to eat, and the kitten were making mess. Then we stopped by an outlet mall for almost 3 hrs. I didn't not expect Wh would be home so I didn't call him at all. By the time near the house, it was almost 10pm. Then we ere thinking what to eat for dinner, and went to a grocery to buy some food. I called home, Wh was there. He didn't asked where we were or anything. I asked him any food at home, he said, I cooked dinner. you can eat. I was very surprised. When we finally arrived home, I found out that the house was tidy up.

Wh asked me where he is going to sleep. I siad if you don't mind you can sleep in my room. He didn't say anything and ended up in my bed!

Sunday morning, when I got up, kids already lay out all the toys on the house. It messed up all his clean-up. Now he knew that how hard I was trying to keep up the house. We went to my parents apartment first for a visit. After that, the kids wanted to go home, SIL wanted to go shopping in a near by mall. But Wh just drove and drove, finally said that he was taking us to an outlet mall. It was anour drive. Kids were whining and were hungry, we were all tired and just wanted a nap. When we got there, he just took us to a restraunt without asking anyone's opinion. SIL said to me, he is a dictator. By the time we finished eating, there were only about 45 minutes left for shopping, we had to drive another hour back home.

On the way home, he asked brother what he was going to do Monday. Borhter said, going home. WH said that I had Monday and Tuesday off. Bother said why. He said that he was going to come to TOronto Sunday, and come back Tuesday. Nobody know what his plan was. I also told him that DD had orthodontics appointment today, how could we come back tomorrow? So today, after brother's family left, he went out shopping for gorcery, and took DD for her appointment. But now he is gone again. He told me that he was out to get a movie, but it was one hour ago. Are we going to play the missing game again? Am I going to go through the same thing again? I don't know. I just want the peace, and this whole ordeal over soon.

Lostnhurt - So glad to hear from you again. Glad you had a nice vacation. My situation is the same, but I am much happier now.

All my days are full. Just had a huge blowup with WH, but it really didn't bother me.

Believer, it is so nice to talk to you agian.

WHat did you do with your WH? Do you have any plan for yourself? How long are you going to hang in?

DD is going to her camp next week which is 4 hrs away. We haven't talked about how to send her there. I have few more week to back to work again. How I wish I am in Toronto now.

Lostnhurt,
A friend of mine said, "Don't run interference for his conscience." In the end, he needs to decide. You can pray for him but not much else.

I wish you the best.
Cherished

WH is still off today. But he is gone. He said he had lunch appointment with someone. But how can someone not seeing his kids in a month having lunch with someone else(OW?) instead of staying with his kids?

Lostnhurt - Sounds like WH is still in the fog. Mine is too. However, I am doing well now. Mostly I have NC with him. Once in awhile he comes by, but it does not drive me crazy anymore.

How are your kids doing?

well lost, i think you already know the answer, it's because of the fog. i think you are still just being amazed at how thick it really is.

glad you made it back safe. i'm also glad you still have a few weeks before work starts to get things in order. get an appt w/SH soon, the longer you put it off the longer it will be until you can get an appt.

keep doing plan A until plan B as best you can while at the same time don't let yourself get wrapped up or worried about your H. you have a plan you just need to get these last few ducks in a row. but i think it would be best to do it before you go back to work and that is just around the corner.

continued strength and prayers to you, RR

Ok, WH came back home at about 4pm yesterday. The first thing he said to me was it took him very long to get oil change in his car. He mentioned to me that he would get an oild change before leaving, but I didn't relize he actually went. It is like hr trid to explain to me why he is gone for so long. I didn't say anything. Then I asked him if he can pick up DD from where she babyset. He did.

Then at the dinner table, we discussed about sending DD to her camp on 8/11. He said that he will take off couple days and drive her there, and asked me to book a hotel room, we all go together. And we will go again to pick her up on 8/22. Now my plan B(if there is any), it will have to be after that. During dinner, he also asked me to pack lunch for him and the atmosphere was a little friendly.

I also mentioned to him that there were lots of phone calls about election yesterday, it was the primary election day. The precint was just in a church by the neighbourhood. I asked him if he wanted to go. He said ok. After dinner, while I was doing dished, he went out to cut the lawn. So I cleaned the garage while he was doing that. I thought he forgot about the voting and planed to go by myself. But he took a shower and asked me if I wanted to take a shower before going to vote. I said that it is getting late, let's go. So we walked there. It's been a year since we last walk together. We always took a walk after dinner in the summer. I really missed that. I felt like go back in time yesterday. We talked casually just like nothing had happened. It just made me feel good, but I also feared that this was a temporary, a clamness before storm.

After we came home, I went to take a shower, but he disapppeared, the cars were in the garage. About an hour later, he came back. He said he was in neighour's house. He complained again. Our home may be the messiest in the neighbourhood, so and so 's house are decorated so neat and nice. I just said, we can do it too. Do you want to hire someone to do it or do it yourself? Do you want to change the furniture or paint the house? He just shut up.

The evening went peaceful and quietly. I made Chinsese desert he liked and watched a litlle bit movie. S and I watched a Chinese movies in my room, DD was watching her Japanese Cartoon she got down in the living room, WH was watching TV in the kitchen. Isn't that funny. Then WH went to the guestroom to sleep. But at 3am, he came over to my room, it was thundering and lightening. He said he just came over to check on me and ended up in my bed. This morning, he left when I was still sleeping. I did not hear from him since.

Now the question is that: what is going on with him? Will he come home tonight? I want to give him few days to see his behavior before talking to SH. I thing SH need that info too before he can give me any advice. But whatever he does, it doesn't bother me as much as before. I am fine. I am learning from Believer.

All my friends out there, I've been praying for you. We will all survive, one way or the other. GOD is helping us.

WH just called and told me he is not coming home for dinner. I just said ok. I am much calmer now. I doesn't bother me that he nevercomes home. I just asked whether he will come home to slepp, he said yes, do you want me to? I said, of course.

Then he said he changed Dr. The new Dr. tested his blood again and found out that he is Hep B carrier and asked me to checked with him Friday. I was concern about the kids. He said the kids are ok, maybe I need to be checked b/c the Hep B was transmitted by sex. I am just bombed. What is going on?

Lostnhurt - Yikes. It just keeps getting worse! Hepatitis B can be caused by having sex (especially with multiple partners), IV drug use, or being born to a mom that had HepB.

My boys dad was a hepatitis B carrier. We found out when we gave blood together. I went in for tests, and was negative. Our doctor told me not to worry about it.

But the timing of when WH got it is critical. Because there is a certain time when the disease is active, and it can be passed to a sexual partner, through bodily fluids (semen).

There is also a vaccine for it. You need to go to the doctor right away. Your children are probably fine.

I felt very numb now. I wish we are all sick and die.

lostnhurt -

I have been trying to contact you on your cellphone. But so far, no luck.

i guess we will just have to be numb together, i really don't know what to say right now. continued prayers to you, RR

Lostnhurt,
"I felt very numb now. I wish we are all sick and die."

Does SH know that is how you feel? I am thinking that he is suggesting you continue in Plan A because that is more likely to result in repair of the M, and you do not seem to be abusive, but you need to take care of yourself and the children. You have personal dignity. Your children are gifts of God for you to care for. Please consider Plan B.

Remember the story in the Gospel about how Christ counseled his disciples to get the sand off their sandals and leave towns where they were rejected? Your H appears to be openly showing complete disregard for you AND HIS CHILDREN, and you are tolerating it. I never went through anything like this. I don't know how you could stand it.
Cherished