Ok i am not sure if this is good or bad. when my h first start the A he was VERY mean! i knew instantly something was differnt he quit calling me during the day didnt want to have SF etc. Even though our first "fake recovery" he would benice at times but still things were differnt we started having SF but if i told him my feelings he would get defnesive or mean.

Once we got back together after our seperation he started contact with her againg about april and during that time he started to be a bit mean again he started pounding on me about getting a job ( i was a stay at home mom something we both agreed on) he started pounding on me about money etc. and when i found out he was talking to her he got mad at me!

well here we are now like i've said hes sworn no contact since 6/21/04. i dont know that i belive that. he works with her. Well heres how hes acting latley. he is very sweet to me . cuddling a lot calling me sweet names taken time to listen. when i complain about my insecurities about the ow he listens doesnt get defensive and says i dotn know how else for you to see that there is NC etc. he aslo has become very concerned that something is wrong i've been stressed this week(for various resaons) and have not been sleeping good. he noticed this and asks me several times a day whats on my mind or bothering me.

now what i dont know is that maybe he really is in NC. or he is just becoming better at being able to cover his contact up by being nice? any suggestions/ideas? Thanks

another thing strange is that normally my H doesnt want to hear about self help books etc. Well when we were seperated he let me read to him all the time but ocne we got back to gether and he had renewed contact with her it was hard to get him to let me read to him. but now he listens whenever i have something to read to him and even last night he suggested i read for 20 min before our show came on! i jsut am confused and scared that hes just becoming better at covering up his contact

Mylife25

Our situation sounds so much alike. I am not sure how much advice I can give you but I can say this. When my husband was in NC with the OW he treated me so differently. He wanted to talk more, cuddle, do more things together, etc. But the day I knew he called her he was withdrawn, didn't want to talk, didn't want SF and like you said mean. It sounds to me like he is truly trying but just take it one day at a time.

Are you in MC? I really think it helped when my husband was in NC. Just in 2 sessions I have learned so much about myself that I didn't even realize before. And it has helped me change in ways that will improve my marriage.

Good luck I will keep you in my prayers.

SadMarylandLady

Thanks for the reply! havent started MC yet. planning on it in september hopefully! I hope things are for real. i just feel really insecure.

it was strange after we seperated and i took him back i was very secure that he wanted to be here etc even after the first break of NC i thought it was just a bump in the road but after the last one i just got broken down again and feel at square one again... Ughh hopefull we are on the road to recovery!!

My fwh has been the exact same way. And I am truelly trying my best to believe it is genuine. I know he is in nc, now. When dday came and a few days after he said he called their friendship quits- he still acted the same... I knew there was still contact. I believe (hope) your wh is really making an effort, and beleive I know jsut how hard it is to believe it all... but we jsut have to take it one day at a time and live for the now (this very moment)... yea know.....

God bless!

Doing His will

Thansk for replying! i hope he is being genuine i am trying to take it one day at a time, it is still hard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> he works with OW (he is trying HARD) to find a nother job but like i've said before my imagination often gets the best of me! I just hope he is being this way because he really wants to make it work. !

ok heres another example:

last night were talking. my H said he had to hand out all the paychecks well i asked did you give that girl (ow) hers. he looks at me and says "my life.. i did not see that girl" but he wasnt defensive sounding just normal toned. i just dont ever know how to take things. before when i knew that they had contact he'd get defensive angry etc. but part of me wont relax it just says maybe hes just gotton better after all this time at not getting defensive!

He really needs to find another job. I know this sounds extreme, but at least mention it to him. Send him here, we can help him. You are so very hurt right now. I've read where many newly recovering couples spend every waking moment together in order to relieve some of these initial anxieties. This phase will be the hardest, from what I've seen in others. The recovery road is going to be the hardest. Check out the recovery board, too, there are some great folks over there...

Thanks for replying. he does need a new job and hes looking hard theres no way he can quit until he finds another one he was even online applying last night when i fell aslep so hopefully soon he'll have a new job!

Did he send a no-contact letter?

He has but they've broken that before... so to me that is not a definate that there contact is over. i'm not sure anything about wha tthe extent of there work contact could be. heres what i know:

in jan when he moved back with me she changed her sceadule so now there only working about 40 PErcent of what they used to be. I also know they do not sit close to each other(its a cubicle setting) she is in a differnt dept.


what i've "imagined" or thought up: that they "could" calleach other on internal phones, or email each other. or when shes not at work she "could " call him at work. now none of this i can prove or have ever caught going on. but its part of my imagiantion

i'm hoping he isnt there too much longer he is filling out applications like crzy!

He has but they've broken that before... so to me that is not a definate that there contact is over. i'm not sure anything about wha tthe extent of there work contact could be. heres what i know:

in jan when he moved back with me she changed her sceadule so now there only working about 40 PErcent of what they used to be. I also know they do not sit close to each other(its a cubicle setting) she is in a differnt dept.


what i've "imagined" or thought up: that they "could" calleach other on internal phones, or email each other. or when shes not at work she "could " call him at work. now none of this i can prove or have ever caught going on. but its part of my imagiantion

i'm hoping he isnt there too much longer he is filling out applications like crzy!