I got an offer to work in another city thousand of km from here and i need to reply to the offer soon. I thought this is a chance to make this marraige work if WS was willing to go with me. It is worth breaking plan B just to find out before i implement plan D.

So i broke B today to send him a text message asking WS if he would be willing to leave and work there to save this marraige.

He replied "How do you plan to survive on $$$ with DD and maid? If i don't go, how will i be able to see DD?

I wanted to reply long but with help from a friend i just replied that message with "ok". My friend also told me to activate plan B again which sounded cool to me.

Then WS text message back saying " Your message was not complete. The last few lines was missing." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There you go...my dear WS is still in the fog and i am done with him.

I am going to give him a "the end" letter this coming monday.

In august, i am going to make an appointment to see a lawyer and proceed to plan D.

I dont want to break plan B as i proceed to plan D but i doubt i have any choice because i need to clear some financial stuff along the way. I thought keeping to email would be okay coz conversing by text message is a little bit hard to do and talking to WS is little to stressful for me.

I wont be taking up that job offer if WS is not moving with me because of DD sake. She is already upset that her father is not living under the same roof therefore i will not upset her more by moving so far away that she would not be able to see her dad.

I am very sure on what i needed to do from here on. I have tried everything to save this marriage. Maybe plan D might swing WS back if not then i am still moving on.

I have come to enjoy plan B so much that i was quite reluctant back just now even to text message WS for the answer. I was afraid of the pain it brings whenever i have any contact with WS.

Nevertheless...his answer did not surprise me and i did not get upset as i thought i would. I am glad i did try once again to save this marriage but WS did not want to so i have a clear conscience that i did TRY.

Honestly i am no longer keen on going back to work in this marriage. A big part of me just wants to move on. I have come to enjoy being single and loving it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel i will have MORE headache if WS decides to come back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Months ago i would be already be going into panic mode and crying my eyes out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But NOW, WS can go to hell and i dont care one bit what happens to him.

zizzy - I'm right behind you. I think that is the beauty of Plan B. It gets you off the rollercoaster so you can enjoy life again.

zizzycool,

Hang in there ... this chapter will be the longest chapter in this mess.

-rh-

Believer...just read your latest story...write a letter and say only one word "NO".. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I tell you they will flip with all these short answers!!! Look at mine...i just said OK and he thinks i wrote more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Redhat...terima kasih for the warning...i hope it will be fast and easy.

A friend of mine decided to take a job 4 hours away because she couldn't stand the open adultery. It was messy, and it took several months, but he woke up that he was losing his family and they reconciled. I think your moving is a clear message, "I'm not taking this treatment anymore."
Cherished

zizzy..

I hope you don't move his daughter that far away...
I know it sounds harsh and unfair.....
but she needs easy access to her dad.....
and you should position yourself to provide that...REGARDLESS of his follow through...

sorry
sorry
sorry

ark

Cherished...yes i thought about that but its too risky. What if it does not happen to me then i have to deal the sad fact of seeing how unhappy DD is living so far away from her Dad. I cant take the risk. I prefer doing plan D for now.

Ark...yes i hear you.

When you do a good plan B...nothing happens but when you start to open it a bit...something always happens. This is the pattern for me since i started plan B.

Today WS called DD at 5.30 pm which he rarely does. I did not know what he spoke to her because the next thing i knew WS was at the door step and DD was running to give him her game disc. DD wanted him to change it at the shop. Luckily i heard his voice before i walk out if not then i would have to face him. I have not seen him for two months.

45 minutes later, as i was driving...there in front was WS's car!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I drove slow and made sure there was another car in front but somehow he seemed to be driving even slower. We were going to the fun fair and WS actually turned into the same road that i wanted to take. So i had to drive ahead and took another route. If WS looked into the rear mirror he would have seen us coz there were not many cars on the road then.

Later as we got out of the car a text message from WS. WS was advicing me to becareful of pick pockets and take care of DD at the fun fair. DD must have told WH about the trip. What surprise me is this sudden interest in us. For two months no news or no text messages to me about care for DD or anything then suddenly this??!

Of course i ignore that message.

Then at the fair...WS called. Since it was too loud and DD was busy playing with her friend. I took the call. Again my first telephone conversation since two months of dark plan B. WS wanted to know what kind of pc game DD wanted. I asked DD then relay the message to WS and end call. Then a text message came through from WS asking the same question. WS must have sent that message first then he called after not getting a respond from us.

Strange how whenever i start to break plan B a bit, he thinks i am breaking down again. Sorry not this time. WS is wrong if he thinks i am the same as i broke plan B before. I am not like that anymore. Previous i broke plan B because i still want WS and have that fear of losing him. Now i am different. I no longer have those feelings.

WS is going to face a woman who is determine and very sure of what she wants. I want a man who either do the right thing or can get out of my life for good.

I am giving him "the end" letter on saturday. Earlier then i planned. I see no reason to delay. I have to be prepared for more contact from now on because of divorce issues.

I am going to maintain a kind of aloft and "i dont care" attitude in any future dealings with WS. No more Mrs nice gal!

I ended my letter, telling WS to call me when he is ready so we can discuss about financial issues before i see the lawyer.

I have been waiting for his call but nothing.

Today i receive a letter from WS. He wrote about his feelings when he met me, how faithful he was, how he admires me, thinks highly of me, my letter reminded him of my sacrifies which he has forgotten and admitted the affair is his fault etc etc.

There is only one part where WS mentioned about OW..."I do not know for sure how this relationship with OW will go, where it will go how it will end but i do know how i feel right now. i will always love and care for you and DD and nothing can ever change that. I also know that i have drifted away from those who care, but sometimes i catch myself questioning my own beliefs. Maybe my faith was not as strong as i thought it always was." Looks like his conscience is still eating him up.

Nothing in the letter about divorce. Still no call up until now so i sent him a text message asking him to call me before 1st Aug to discuss about divorce issues.

WS finally text message me in the afternoon. We met up for a drink. Conversation lasted 2 hours.

I have the bad news and the good news.

First the bad news...he is still in the fog. I tried to stay clear of LB during our meeting. I think i did okay. I state clearly what i wanted if we divorce. We had a bit of dispute over certain financial matters but i think we sorted it out okay.

WS said that men who goes back to their wife after the affair is discovered has not guts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I told WS that he is finding an excuse to justify his affair!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I told WS how can going back to the wife compared to staying with the mistress is more right than the other!??? Talk about F.O.G....

I told him how good i was doing and how happy i am now. WS seemed happy for me. At one point i asked him what it was that was missing in our marriage. What i did not give enough. He told me a few things until to one point about me neglecting my DD that i argued back. I told WS dont ever say that because at least i am here trying to save this marriage for DD and he is the one neglecting his responsibility by having an affair!!

The good news is...OW RESIGN!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> This saturday is her last day of work at WS company....pheeeewwwwww...that was a relief to hear...i almost gave the happy dance there and then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WS also said he gives me all the credit to my cooking coz OW cooking s*uck!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For me...i am feeling fine. I dont have much feeling when i met WS. I love him but something was not there in me. I dont hate him. I am not angry or bitter. Is this numb stage? Unlike previous meetings...i usually end up crying, depressed and feeling low but this round...i feel okay... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I text message informing WS that i was going to start the divorce by dropping off some papers at the lawyer. No reply.

Later in the evening, WS came over unannounced wanting to drop off game disc to DD. I heard from DD that he will be coming over to drop the disc but did not expect him to appear unannounce. I thought he would have text message me first.

I thought he was going to give the disc and then go away but he continued to stand at the door and chat with me. After 5 minutes i thought it was kinda rude to leave him standing there so i invited him in. He stayed for another 40 minutes. We chat about work and DD. No relationship talk.

At one point he mentioned about coming over to babysit DD. I have a business trip to attend next week. My plan was to drop off DD at her grandparents but DD kept insisting that she wants her dad to stay with her.

I am torn. I am proceeding D so it does not feel right that WS stay at this house and sleep in my bed anymore. At the same time i dont want DD to get use to this idea.

Overall...it is kinda weird talking to WS again like normal people. I feel okay. Not much feelings except a bit of sadness. Knowing that i am going to D soon gives me strength to continue being a friend to WS. Its a strange feeling.

Zizzy,

You are one fine, strong woman. Hang in there!

Oh, I also wanted to add, your H seems to have a pride 'issue' there-- not wanting to come back because he thinks men who go back to their wives are weak. But he seems to be coming back now, and not talking about divorce, isn't he?

Hi Ruff...yes he has a big ego. And yes...he has always said he does not want a divorce. But then again...if he wants to reconcile...i dont see any sign of it.

Plan B did not help me in getting him back. I feel it kind of push him further away but it did make me strong enough to move ahead. I am implementing tough love at the moment. It is difficult trying to be nice and yet not too nice. The whole 40 mins with WS felt like an act to me. I maintain myself and pretend that i did not have feelings for him yet my heart was screaming hate and love at the same time.

I guess i just got one of those WS where pride is stronger than guilt conscience... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hope you are doing better in your case. Keep me update. I love to hear your story.

My dear WS is deeply stuck in the fog.

Some say that divorce might bring them back but i doubt mine will.

I have spoken to him 2 hours on the phone and met him twice since. We have had some disccusion.

WS has resigned to the fact that he cannot let OW go and must divorce me. WS said to me that he wanted both of us. He admitted that he is selfish but this is how he feels. Ewwwwwww...

I have seen the lawyer and started plan D moving. WH knows this and has not shown any sign of wanting to stop the affair.

From the conversation we had, i found out that OW and WS have had some arguements and WH is not getting SF as much as he wanted. Tooooo badd... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am meeting WS tonight. I dont know why i am still keeping the door open for this idiot. I think i am too nice to WS. Maybe because I just dont want to have a bitter and nasty divorce. I want to have an amiable ending so it would not hurt my DD

Surprising my emotions are under control despite contact with WS. I guess i have reach the point where i dont care whether he stays or goes.

zizzy - You are doing just fine. You know that WH and OW will not last, but he doesn't know that yet. Hang in there.

Huh? Cannot let go of a 20 year old? Puhleeeeze! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
They are a dime a dozen lah, like ikan bilis.

Trouble with our H is, they still think that they can behave like our grandfather's generation, having several wives. They think they are so liberal, fooling around. Except they don't realise they've married tough cookies like us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh we hurt, but we are able to move on too. Life is not all about them. Hang in there, zizzy. You're doing good.

Ruffled

Dear Zizzy,

Just a few thoughts here.

Maybe your H meant coming back to "the wife" after it doesn't work out with "other woman" is a weak thing to do? You could tell him that when a man does this because he still loves his wife and realises he's been a fool to leave her, he is indeed a very BIG man and not a weak man. If W will have him, of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

It would be a good thing for DD if you can be friends with H, or least be civil to each other. So don't worry about the contact if you can handle it emotionally. It's great if you can talk about the D-thing like grown ups! DD will be the better for this.

You could plan C him. C for charm. Be so charming and distant you can hear his heart beat faster when he's around you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Or should we call this plan A with a "twist"? (just joking).

It's funny... to avoid A's we shouldn't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex (if you're heterosexual, that is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) discussing our relationship(s) with our current partner. But that's exactly what H is doing... with YOU! OW had better be careful before H starts an A with you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !

You could tell H that you still love him and that you would be prepared to work on the M if.. NC etc.. (you know the drill). If he has this ego-thing going on he might not contact you again even if he gets over "Ms not so wonderful anymore". Thinking he's "respecting your wishes" and is not "crawling back and begging" etc.

You're really two grown-ups that can make a grown up decision to get back together on the specific terms that you will be allowed to set to make you feel safe again.
These terms might be
a) that you'll work on the M (EN etc.) which is good for him too
b) 100 % no contact which he might no longer be interested in anyway
c) H should be very transparant if you wish him to be (telling you were he is etc., no secret life) - here his ego could get in the way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
d) spending time together & doing fun things together - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
etc. etc.

I don't know.. if you would consider taking him back someday.. why not tell him that would be your conditions. Then he'll know where he stands and what it will take to win your love back.

YOU and only YOU can make the choices here. I'm really glad to hear you can face him without falling apart. You go girl !!!

Believer...i dont think so. I think they do love each other and are willing to risk everything. At my point now it sure looks that way.

Ruffled...yes we are tough cookies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Brownhair...My WS still too fog up. But i did tell WH that if he wants to stop the divorce he can, on condition NC with OW

After last night and a telephone conversation i had with WS just now...still shows he is in the fog.

I had a good time last night with WS. No love busting even with relationship talk. WH said i look good and different. Yeahhhhh rightt..i have spend thousands to change my whole wardrobe. I was a stay at home mom. I used to wear the same ole sandal everywhere i go...now i have 18 pairs of shoes and sandals <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I also used to wear baggy pants and big tshirts...out they go and in goes tight jeans, spaghetti string and barebacks blouses!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So of course i look good. I even feel good!

We ended the night with a hug and a peck on the cheeck. Yes believer i had super control despite the fact that i have no sex for 2.5 months now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I asked WS out for a movie tomorrow nite. He said no!!! He said he feels it is not right. Geezzzz...my WS is completely totally wrap and fog up. He feels confuse. WS said he cannot go out with me because OW does not like it. OUCH!!! So I said ok.

Maybe the sudden open of door and too much of me is getting to WS.

WS said he feels guilty everytime after meeting up with me...eeeeewwwwww. Is this good or bad?

I love this plan A with a twist. It is great especially knowing OW gets jealous like hell. At the same time it is strange being the OW!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i am stumbling again. Cried the night before i had to see the lawyer to read the draft. Called WS, told him to do the divorce. I told him that i could not do it. It was too hard. WS said he will do it. He said it is actually his responsibility. I ended the conversation telling him that i will see the lawyer again then decide.

I probably had a moment of weakness coz the next day, everything went fine.

I made few first contact with him this week. I did this so he will open the door first. I cannot do plan A with a twist if he keeps slamming the door on my face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Remember the invitation to watch movie? How he told me it was NOT righttt...!

But slowly and surely...WS is starting to respond.

Two nights in a row i went out for a movie on my own and somehow WS is checking on me by asking DD or my maid what time i came home.

Today i came home from work...behold...there was WS's car park at our apartment lot. His excuse was that he wanted to drop off the newspaper that i asked for. Hmmmm...He stayed for 10 mins. Appearing like this is very significant because WS has never done so since this whole thing started.

Casually i asked if he wanted to stay for dinner but he had a prior dinner arrangement. Too bad...it would have made OW real mad if he did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He is definately getting his fix from this too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tomorrow i am taking for an overnight trip. Again i invited WS to drop by at the hotel. The resort is not very far away. Not to stay but to play with DD. WS said he will think about it.

If WS comes then OW will be going nuts about it.

OW must be thinking that she prefers me in plan B than doing this plan D... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Zizzy- Your WH sounds just like mine. Mine sneaks over to my house. He never drives his truck, he either walks, or has someone drop him off. OW would be furious if she knew. WH denies that he has to sneak around, but that is exactly what he is doing.

Hope you can continue to be calm.