Up until now I have not been contacting WH, only responding when he calls or e-mails and now that he has withdrawn for the last two weeks I hardly speak to him. I did this to protect myself, it was just too painful to contact him and have him reject me so I went some what dark. But I don't think this is working so now I need to be a little more aggressive.

I saw an article in the paper earlier today that I thought he would find funny so I e-mailed it to him. I was going to send him another e-mail this afternoon telling him I was going shopping for baby furniture this weekend and see if he wanted to go. I've always had a fear of rejection but if I want this baby to have a family I guess I need to step up and go after what I want.

My biggest problem is I'm not sure what I want. A part of me, a big part, wants WH to come home and work on the M so we can be a family. But another part of me questions why I would want someone who has hurt me so bad, doesn't seem to care, and is willing to walk out on his entire life including his unborn child. Is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?

Only you can answer that question, Kloe. I'd hold off on the second email though. Don't lay too much on him at once, or he might run like hell.

GC

I decided to go ahead and send another e-mail this afternoon, but decided not to invite him to do something this weekend. I am going out of town next month for business and had that as an excuse. Here is what I wrote:


So were you disappointed yesterday that we weren't able to find out the sex of the baby? I don't have much faith in the doctors thought that it looked like a girl since he couldn't see where he needed to see. I'm not ready to start painting everything pink yet! It would be nice to know, but it's kind of fun not knowing as well. I was just so happy and relieved to hear that the baby is healthy and developing well. I have a regular doctors appointment in two weeks. At that time, I'll ask him (or beg, whatever it takes) if he will give me a referral for another sonogram for next month and let you know. It was neat to see the baby and see him/her moving around. I sometimes think I can feel the baby moving, but right now it's probably just wishful thinking and just in my mind. However, I should be able to start to feel the baby moving on a regular basis any week now. It's hard to believe we're almost half way there.

Laney {Our dog with a very, very sensitive digestive track!} made it through the night last night without making another mess on the carpet so I'm hoping the other night was a one time thing. She had to chase another huge deer out of the back yard this morning!

I have my flight information for next month, I'm just waiting on corporate approval to book them. I will be leaving Tuesday, August 10th at 2:14 p.m. and returning Sunday, August 15th at 11:05 p.m. So I need you to stay the house starting Tuesday night through Sunday night. Just confirm with me that that is alright when ever you have a chance.

It was good to see you yesterday. You've been pretty quiet lately, I hope everything is alright with you. Take care.

KLOE


I sent this at 3 pm and have not yet heard back from him which is VERY unusual. He carries a blackberry so he gets his e-mail instantly no matter where he is. I put the stuff in there regarding watching the house so he could just reply o-k about the dates if he wanted to and not have to say anything else. But since he didn't reply at all yet, I'm hoping that maybe I hit a softspot and he is just thinking about what to say. Only time will tell, I'll hold off doing anything else until I hear from him.

WH finally replied. He's happy the baby is healthy, he's been busy at work, he can watch the dogs when I am out of town and he also told me he is going to the beach this weekend. He said it was good to see me as well and hoped all was well with me. Better then nothing I guess but it seems we are stuck here in limbo land forever.

He's gone out of town before but didn't bother to tell me so I suppose that's good. His friends parents have a beach house so maybe that's where he's staying. If he was going with OW I don't think he would have told me anything. He's coming over to the house Friday morning while I'm at work to take care of a few things. Last time he went to he beach he got very burned. I'm going to leave a bottle of suntan lotion out with a note for him to take it.

Good work, Kloe. I like the suntan lotion. Very sweet, but subtle.

Hope you're having a good evening. I went swimming and meant to clean my house tonight. Instead I wound up on the phone and now it's too late to do anything. Rats. Another day in this mess - mostly the mess is the sparrow's stuff, which I have GOT to get boxed up.

GC

I don't know if I blew it today. Last night when I checked my bank balance on line I noticed WH's balance was $4,000 higher then it should have been (he uses the joint account that I still have access to so it comes up when I check my account, he has no access to my account). He had a $4,000 wire into his account, I had no idea what that could have been for so I called the bank to see what they would tell me. They wouldn't tell me the name on the account that the money came from, only that it was done from the branch in WH's office building. Well apparently someone from the bank branch stopped by WH office and told him that someone had called about the wire. WH direct connected me on the Nextel and asked if I called, I answered with a yes. He said it was his wire from his brother. I said o-k and that was the end of it, no explination. I assume the guy from the bank was in his office when he called. I still have no idea what the money is for. I am hoping it is to pay off a credit card and not for him to get an apartment or something else.

I have no idea if he is mad or not. Earlier in the day before he found out I had checked into this he called to chat. We had a nice 15 minute conversation and even had a few laughs.

Kloe, I don't doubt he's angry at you for snooping. Don't sweat it though. It's a minor setback. It's done. Just keep doing what you're doing. Nobody bats 1000 in plan A.

Tonight I'm eating Mongolian BBQ, then going shopping for a new bed, new sheets, the works. Looking forward to it. I can't afford it, but oh well. I'm growing from this experience, but unfortunately so is my credit card balance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hang tight, Kloe.

GC