I know my W is in withdrawal and this is the time I should be focusing on my children, not LBing and bettering myself, but it's very difficult to be quiet. I've been reading and listening to inspirational materials and I have all this great information. I can't share it with her, she's still indifferent about our M and don't want to LB by mentioning too much.

This is so hard people. WAKE UP! We can have a good M stop sitting on the couch everynight, lets have some fun, laugh, joke anything. My W's defense is she's sorting things out, but she NEVER comes to me and starts conversations about anything relating to the EA, Recovery or our M.

The limbo of withdrawal is CRAPPY!!!!!

I know I'm venting, but are any of you going thru/have been thru this? This stinks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ July 21, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

FM,

I will witness to that. It is just the fog. I have said it before, everything is one-sided to the BS. They are either drawn to rebuild or drawn to quit the M. Period.

The WS waffles back and forth.

Throw these two people with a dash (or maybe a pound <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) of pain and you got a recipe for frustration.

Let me put things in perspective. My FWW wants to do something tonight and asked if I would watch kids so she could. I have no problem with that, but told her we weren't spending that much time with each other doing something fun.

She said we spent a lot of time last night, but we pretty much talked about the A and the OM. I was letting her work through her feelings. NOT necessarily fun bonding time for me. More like duty time because I love her and DO want her to work through this.

Glad I did that for her, but you see, the coin has two sides. Both of them can be frustrating. Try to focus on the positive in your current sitch. My guess is the day is coming when she WILL want to talk it out, when she just needs the sounding board for her feelings and she will turn to you.

You might sing a different tune about talking about the A then.

From what you posted, she wants your marriage to work. A good thing. I have yet to see anyone post that a M that SURVIVES an A is worse than before the A. Hang on to that. You have questions, she will answer them. Let her get sorted out.

NCWalker

FamilyMatters
My husband does the same things. He sits on the couch playing his little video games or computer games and says we are to different why try. Then he says we have tried so we should just end it.

If we have tried would he have met OW? Would he be on the couch. I ask him all the time lets go somewhere, let's do something fun, let's think of new things to try but he listens but doesn't want to do it.

I know what your going through. Hang in there. I just take one day at a time. Somedays are better than others because I do see the fog lift at times and get my real husband back.

NC I know you're right, this is probably the hardest things I've ever had to do and within that is probably the root of my biggest LB, A need to direct things,influence and make demands. Not a attribute to be proud of, but I'm working on it. Believe me I'm working on my own challenges.

MD So every once in a while you get a glimpse of your real H? I know you relish those times. Same here, briefly my W squeezes out from behind this weird ALIEN who has posessed her lol!

It's just scary!! It's like I finally have all this information on the real steps I could take to be a better H/person and now she's all but given up, when I should be the one quitting...somehow it seems so a$$ backwards lol.

The funniest part is now that I see all my faults/challenges I wonder how she's been able to hang in there with me all these years. The more information you find on how you should treat your S, the more you feel like OOPSS, lemme change this...don't leave....I had no idea....wait I understand now...hold on, I'm learning really I am...helllllllooooooooooooo dont goooooooooo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In Plan A you can't bring up M or your R or ask any questions, like the No Contact Letter?

If I don't at least inquire about things she will probably just continue to do nothing but think and think. I would rather be by myself than be with someone who's not here mentally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Any advice?

up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well we talked and she;s still trying to decide if she wants to be M lol. It's not really funny, but I've decided not to define myself by her indecisiveness or her fog. I'm on a road of self-therapy, and developing ways to control my emotions. I'm making great progress and I feel good about my changes. These changes will proceed regardless if she chooses to stay or go. These changes will enrich my life regardless to my M status.

I spent too much time defining myself by my ability to hold together this M. I spent too much time feeling like I had to fight for my M and holding my family together. This is not a boxing match. My W needs to sign up, and NO separation or running away will not make things any better. No challenges can be overcome by running away, avoidance or pretending they don't exist. I see what has transpired as an "Opportunity" to make our M better than we ever imagined. My W sees what's transpired as a way license to shut down.

I realize my take on this may not be MB philosophy, but this entire episode of her shutting down is very much indicative of our entire relationship. My W has always been an avoider. I hope she realizes that this separate, but still together thing will not be acceptable forever. I didn't issue any ultimatums, I simply stressed that I'm here and willing to roll up my sleeves and make things better between us. I told her I didnt expect her to jump up after our conversation and say "YES, I AGREE, I'M WITH YOU NOW!" My W isn't getting any information or advice, she is just thinking and thinking based on her own emotions and I tried to stress, trying to do things "our own way based on what we knew or what came natural" is how we got so screwed up in the first place.

I think I did the right thing. No attacks, No ultimatums, No desperation, No begging and pleading and No LB's, just grown up talk that says, doing nothing isn't the answer we don't have a problem we have an opportunity.

Nothing that happens in life has any meaning other than the meaning we assigned to it.

It's hopeless if you decide it's hopeless and it's a opportunity if you decide it's an opportunity. Same situation, different perspective.

Hey FM

Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. You are such a good hubby to hang in there. She will come around soon.

I know exactly what you mean about trying to control things. Ditto for me! This can be perplexing in Fogland where ANYTHING you attempt to do or say is then construed as being controlling, right?

Example of fog-induced controlfreak bashing:

We were just driving around trying to hang out and since it was lunch time, we wanted to stop somewhere to eat. We weren't familiar with the town (just driving through). WH asked me where I wanted to go. My MB radar was activated --- is this a chance to PROVE I'm not controlling??? Maybe... so I say "Wherever you want, honey". He gritted his teeth impatiently, and barked out something about making up my mind. Oh well, who can predict the ramblings and inner workings of the Fogman? Not me! PS- We kept driving.

So, any attempts I've made to POJA stuff is not accepted. I cannot reason with someone who is incapable of reason. He can somehow start a conversation with one opinion and end it with another, sometimes opposite, opinion. Pointing it out just confuses him. That's some rare strain of fog you're smoking!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAID,
A friend of mine gave me a copy of Anthony Robbins "Getting The Edge" Series. It's FANTASTIC! Those cd's are helping me better understand and work on my own challenges. I would highly recommend them to anyone especially a BS who realizes you must FIX YOURSELF not your WS, fixing them is their job.

I can relate totally to how unreasonable these FOGHEADS can be! The best way I've found to deal with it is to focus most of my attention on my own development. My W has noticed my changes in attitude and temperment. I start each day in the mirror saying to MYSELF, how much I LOVE ME and why? I'm starting to really love myself, so I now take care of myself, spend time with myself and now dealing with my FOGLADY has become easier and easier. No she's not making any strides, but I am. Hopefully when she does began to rise from the fog I'll be in a better position to be the H I've always wished to be, but hadn't the guidance or knowledge to achieve.

As Mr. E says;
It's a GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The funniest part is now that I see all my faults/challenges I wonder how she's been able to hang in there with me all these years. The more information you find on how you should treat your S, the more you feel like OOPSS, lemme change this...don't leave....I had no idea....wait I understand now...hold on, I'm learning really I am...helllllllooooooooooooo dont goooooooooo </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FM, you offer some great insight in your threads. I told myself, no more posting, just learning (half the time, I don't get responses anyway. Yeah, I know, "Woe is me." Whatever. Anyway...) I know every situation is different, but you have a lot of similarities as I do with my wife and me--in reverse. (I'm the EA'er.)
When everything started coming to a head and building up, boiling, and I was about to explode, implode, go crazy, whatever, I kept saying to my wife, for every question I find answered, at least five more I start asking. You have eloquently put those in words. I, too, started asking myself the same questions you are. Mine isn't a "fog" as described, per se, it's more of a reflection: "Am I worth it to my wife?" (I know I'll be ostricized for that.) I have so many issues that started to be unearthed (initially with my gambling) and now with the fact that I sought a friendship with someone other than my wife to share my thoughts with--rather than communicating with her! It's really warped and f'd up. And I'm thinking, "so am I, a**hole." But, FM, I can not obviously speak for your wife, but in my situation, I as the EA'er am going throught the same questions of "Who am I really?" as you are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I spent too much time defining myself by my ability to hold together this M. I spent too much time feeling like I had to fight for my M and holding my family together. This is not a boxing match. My W needs to sign up, and NO separation or running away will not make things any better. No challenges can be overcome by running away, avoidance or pretending they don't exist. I see what has transpired as an "Opportunity" to make our M better than we ever imagined. My W sees what's transpired as a way license to shut down. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is actually what *I* was feeling for the longest time--and it wasn't my wife's fault, but being a "stuffer" to begin with, and then dealing with my wife's breakdown, was not a very good equation for me and now as I'm finding out, for our marriage. We've both shut down at various stages of our marriage. And yes, after "dealing" with s@#$ for so long, I guess it was my license to shut down. Then my wife "woke up." And the biggest question, is, "Is it too late?" We working on that question now. I'm very afraid of what I will finding out when i go speak with someone though. Damn, alot came out just speaking with my gambling counselor. Even the words you use are the same what we've gone through. (Except, I actually used "pissing contest" rather than "boxing match"!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I realize my take on this may not be MB philosophy, but this entire episode of her shutting down is very much indicative of our entire relationship. My W has always been an avoider.... In Plan A you can't bring up M or your R or ask any questions, like the No Contact Letter? If I don't at least inquire about things she will probably just continue to do nothing but think and think. I would rather be by myself than be with someone who's not here mentally. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me, me, me. This is what I was feeling, too--in reverse. I'm really sorry I don't necessarily have advice for you, but I felt compelled to tell you, there is someone out there--even though on the other side of the fence who understands. I'm also finding out that shutting down was the easy way out--something I've always tried to do with anything. When my marriage became not effortless anymore (poor grammar, but intentional <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ), I began to shut down myself--so did she. Nobody's fault, necessarily. But it happened. Now, with daylight rearing it's happy head, one of the questions coming up is, "Is this marriage going to work?" But it's not a question for the now--it encompasses each of us individually, then maybe we can think about "doing it together." And trying to balance the two is very difficult.

My theory is--in general--is that marriage should not be an option until one really knows him/herself. Realistic? Absolutely not! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But how many times do I ask myself or hear or read, "How do I know who I really am?" There's some justification to that. But, the fact that i need to "answer" to this other person can NOT be ignored as well. It's the perverbial and ultimate juggling act.

During my wife's breakdown--after we were several years into our marriage--she said several times, "How can you love me so much if I don't even love myself?" It's really a good question though. Now I'm asking, "How can you love *me* so much, if i don't even know who "me" is?"

I guess my point being, no, in my case, it's not just fog I'm in (MB definition.) It's a self-evaluation to ask, how did this happen? Why am I like this? Once I find out who "me" is, how am I really going to feel about my marriage? I love my wife very much. But how valid is that as I don't know who is saying that?!?!? Long road ahead...wish I had a crystal ball to just tell my wife now, "Listen, after finding out who I really am, I don't think we were meant for each other. I don't want to continue to see you hurt and all of the pain we've been through. You don't deserve it. You need to move on with your life." Or, on the flip-side, "Hon, hang in there for me please. I know i'ts a lot to ask, but there are so many things we need to work on as individuals. Please bear with me. But our marriage will be that much stronger after I know who I really am, and I can give you my 100%."

I've already been told I'm full of s#$% in not so few words, but that's my dilemma, my "fog."

FamilyMatters:

First of all, what makes you think your W is in withdrawal? Do you know for a FACT that she is not seeing/talking to OM?

If so then, you are right. Now isn't the time to share anything with her. It's the time to build up LB$ deposits. Simply BE with her. Let her get through this.

I honestly don't think any progress can be made until the fog lifts almost totally. Right now, what you are seeing is the pain of being pulled back from anal/cranial inversion she has suffered! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What can YOU do to make things easier? Can you make plans for the 2 of you to go out? Just dinner and a movie, maybe?? NOTHING "intense" ~ involving R talks, counseling, or other "heavy" activities.

You need to build up the FUN TIMES with her. You need to laugh with her, show her the NEW-IMPROVED FM. Make her remember reasons why you 2 M'd in the first place.

This is all very difficult. I can't even imagine knowing/doing the "right" thing w/o this site. There's so much of what we want to do that is instinctual, but you must follow a COUNTER-intuition to build up/fix a broken M. Instead of being logical, we want to follow that "instinct" that says, "If only they'd LISTEN!! We can fix this!! Just listen to me!! JUST DO WHAT I'M SAYING.

Please consider stepping back, give her room, be kind, compassionate, patient, and yes - as hard as it is - allow her to "grieve" for what she is missing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

IF she comes to the place and time where she's willing to talk, to recommit to the M, to want to rebuild w/you, THEN the time will come to share all your new-found knowledge. I know this is true. This is now happening to WH and ME!

Take care, hang in there. As the fog lifts more every day, it WILL get better!

God Bless,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LINY:
"Am I worth it to my wife?" (I know I'll be ostricized for that.) I have so many issues that started to be unearthed (initially with my gambling) and now with the fact that I sought a friendship with someone other than my wife to share my thoughts with--rather than communicating with her! It's really warped and f'd up. And I'm thinking, "so am I, a**hole." But, FM, I can not obviously speak for your wife, but in my situation, I as the EA'er am going throught the same questions of "Who am I really?" as you are.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree totally!! There are so many things about ourselves that must be understood and reshaped. This is a long process, definitely not an overnight journey. Are you worth it to your wife?
Of course you are, you have many happy memories, a bond though it has been damaged it still exists. Your EA does not cancel out all of these pleasuable, enduring moments. People sometimes go thru the process of selective thinking. While talking to my wife yesterday I delicately pointed out that while she's evaluating and reliving all of our "challenges" and moments of "confrontation", try to also reflect on the happy moments; the birth of our children, me in the delivery room each time as your H and support system. Mix in some of the good things along with the bad and see them all. People in a "Fog" only tend to reflect on one set of memories, if our life together were a comprehensive documentary it would include many scenes, not just the ones that are negative. Try this Liny, and give your M a equal shake or should I say give you memories and time together a equal shake; analyzing the ups and downs not only the downs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and it wasn't my wife's fault, but being a "stuffer" to begin with, and then dealing with my wife's breakdown, was not a very good equation for me and now as I'm finding out, for our marriage. We've both shut down at various stages of our marriage. And yes, after "dealing" with s@#$ for so long, I guess it was my license to shut down. Then my wife "woke up." And the biggest question, is, "Is it too late?" We working on that question now. I'm very afraid of what I will finding out when i go speak with someone though. Damn, alot came out just speaking with my gambling counselor. Even the words you use are the same what we've gone through. (Except, I actually used "pissing contest" rather than "boxing match"!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I now realize, instead of embracing our differences I sought to change my W to be more like me. Differences are to embraced and appreciated, not manipulated and coerced to adapt to your own prejudices. Even worse, when we conclude our S differences are *negative, or *wrong and somehow decide our tendencies are *Positive and *right, we become ABUSERS. Attempting to change another person into being what we want them to be is ABUSE plain and simple, even if you think your helping in actuality you are smothering, controlling and manipulating to serve your own needs not hers.

Imho it's never "too late" to turn around. Imagine your relationship simply being off course. Your destination was "Happiness" but somewhere along the journey you lost your compass. This is not the end of the journey, even if you've driven 5000 miles in the wrong direction. You've come here to MB and other sources to get "Directions" for regaining your course. You might have to retrack, gas up a few hundred times, but you original destination is still out there. It's a long road that's why I'm trying to enjoy the ride and marvel at the scenery on the way. We both are going to witness some astonishing sights, who we really are is up the road so is purpose and mutual understanding. If we only focus on the destination we are sure to quit too soon, because I'm becoming to believe the beauty is in the journey and it's a journey we need not experience alone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now, with daylight rearing it's happy head, one of the questions coming up is, "Is this marriage going to work?" But it's not a question for the now--it encompasses each of us individually, then maybe we can think about "doing it together." And trying to balance the two is very difficult. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think we all make mistakes in the way we represent our goals. I spent alot of time "Hoping", don't hope that your M will work, EXPECT your M to work. Expecting something to work puts you in a much better frame of mind. Imagine everyhing working out and then walk backwards through it in your minds eye. You and I know exactly what we need to do to achieve these results. Start at the ending of your expectations and journey back to where you are today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...wish I had a crystal ball to just tell my wife now, "Listen, after finding out who I really am, I don't think we were meant for each other. I don't want to continue to see you hurt and all of the pain we've been through. You don't deserve it. You need to move on with your life." Or, on the flip-side, "Hon, hang in there for me please. I know i'ts a lot to ask, but there are so many things we need to work on as individuals. Please bear with me. But our marriage will be that much stronger after I know who I really am, and I can give you my 100%."
[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Liny I firmly believe the whole "We're made for each other" thing is unsubstantiated fog talk. Once upon a time you and your W were in love, IN LOVE but you hadn't the tools or skills to nuture that love. The way I see it, we take 2 people from damaged backgrounds full of all types of experiences, good, bad, dysfunction, abuse or whatever the case me. We put those 2 people together and say..go be happy. Those 2 people no matter how much they love each other will go through many issues as the stages of their relationship progress from:
A. Euphoria
B. Deepening Love
C. Questioning

Nothing ever stays the same, there will always be challenges in life. Any M can wind up right here where we sit, in the questioning mode and without information, steps and learning the correct ways to interact we are destined to lose intimacy and our love for our S. I seek to learn how to be in a real relationship, how to love and be loved, how to communicate, to recognize the LB's within me and how to share my life with someone.

Either you share your life with someone or you spend it alone. Liny, even if I believed in the whole "soulmate" ideology (which I do not) I stongly feel eventually even in a new relationship issues and challenges will still arise. Unless we learn ourselves, better ourselves and understand ways to transcend our frailties we simply will repeat the cycle. This is why it's so much more reasonable to better yourself than so called *fix your spouse. You are the only thing you can control and most of us can't even do that well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know this was a long reply, but I have so many ideas and philosophies on the subject. You may not define your current mindstate as fog, and its obvious you undoubtedly have many ways to rationalize your thoughts and emotions. When we step outside of ourselves and look at the whys we can uncover some spectacular truths. I think your W would love to be with you on your journey, there's no need to journey alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lupolady:

IF she comes to the place and time where she's willing to talk, to recommit to the M, to want to rebuild w/you, THEN the time will come to share all your new-found knowledge. I know this is true. This is now happening to WH and ME!

Take care, hang in there. As the fog lifts more every day, it WILL get better!

God Bless, [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I appreciate your statements, and I expect her to eventually escape "Fogland", I just hope when she does finally resurface that I will still want to save this M. We should have been passed this point a year ago and "HER" decision not to end her R with the OM is why we're back to square one. We should at least be in recovery by now.

I have no way to determine if she's honestly cut off all ties and I'm beginning to feel it's not my challenge, it's her challenge. I have my own road of betteing myself and growing, she must make her own decisions and prioritize her own life. My children will not be separated again, She moved in with me and I will not leave my home, if she so chooses to chase the fog, so be it. I will on the other hand each day be thoughtful, considerate and caring, but I will not aid her in being immobile. I'm almost to the point where I will endorse her "leaving". Go elsewhere and figure it out, its hard to be around someone and see them do nothing to recommit to your M. Out of sight out of mind may be risky, but its also safer that way for my feelings and I do believe eventually you must take care of yourself. We all have our limits.

FM: I know you really weren't seeking" advice" per se, but funny how therapy works, huh? *You* were the one who posted!!!

I thank you for your insightfulness, thoughtfulness, and advice. Long reply? You've seen my posts, right?!?!?! Understanding, too. "To err, is human; to be understood is to be loved." (Right, brown?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I like to combine those two quotes--it's more of what us humans are all about.

I can't offer advice to you, FM. I *can* say, what I know about you through your posts: you are a "deep" guy who loves very much and wants that reciprocated--regardless of mistakes made--and from the one he loves the most. You're insightful, caring, emotional and very, very in tune with yourself. You are a thinker, a sponge: absorbing all information that's given to you and extracting all of the different aspects and using those to better yourself. (Any chance you are a Cancer, like me?!?!?) I really don't know why I'm writing this all: maybe, just for the mere fact, that although we are on different sides of the fence, I understand. And to tell you, to keep your head up. You're a good guy, FM. Hope things work for the best for you and the Mrs.--at the very least, for you (which, i suppose, *are* the same thing.)
Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Liny I appreciate the kind words friend.

and remember you made some errors, you're not a bad person. You simply made some bad choices trying to deal with your own wants, needs and desires..your intention was not to HURT your W, but escape pain.

Unfortunately she was a victim of your pursuit to get things you've been missing or longing for.

The way I envision it is:
someones drowning right next to their spouse and their arms and legs are swinging every which way and their spouse absorbs those blows so to speak. Someone here quoted,
Infidelity doesn't end marriage, the lost of the hope of future happiness does. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 23, 2004, 01:30 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Yesterday I went dark. My W left out to go to the post office say around 10am and returned close to 6pm, she had some clothes from the cleaners ....but I still dont understand where all that time went. I spent time with my son helping him ride his bike and building an ant farm. I didnt really communicate with my W at all yesterday. I didn't want to LB by asking any questions and I'm hoping she will come to me with her issues, concerns or to vent.

Its Sunday morning and I woke up early, did my meditations, affirmations then I watched some religious programs (I need more spirituality in my life) I even prayed this morning that GOD helps me, because I DO NOT have the answers. This challenge is bigger than me and I will need his guidance to find my way. This is a very big step for me, for so long I thought I could solbe all my issues with logic...this is of course WRONG!

So now its SUNDAY and my W and I haven't spoken. What should I do? Any suggestions?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hang in there man. Be the best you can be. That's all you can do and it sounds like you do a good job of it. We can only hope our WS's come to see the light. Prayers are with you.

Thanks Joe,
The forum seems a little slow today or perhaps my challenges are somewhat daunting so folks are sort of hesitant to answer...I truly understand that.

Today is SUNDAY and since I'm the real cook in my household. I will prepare a great meal for my family! We will break bread at the table and share some family time, if she chooses not to participate...so be it. Be the best me, I spoke to her and she sort of mumbled back. I will not force her to talk, or bring up anything. I will not shut the door to my room, she's in the living room watching tv and I must pass her to get to the kitchen to prepare the meal, so be it. I will not shutdown because of her inconsiderate foggified actions.

See, I know what to do...it just takes some digging lol.

Comment with suggestions if you have them.

familymatters -

Just continue what you are doing. You're doing fine. Your wife needs to see that your life will go on with or without her.

It is too lonely to go through all of this and put your life in limbo. Just keep up the activities. Hopefully she will join you.