Is it necessary to tell the OP spouse who you are?

Can you not just call and let them know that their spouse is involved with so and so..or "someone" maybe give alittle more detail so it is believable.

I do not feel comfortable exposing myself and just putting the question in the OP spouses mind may be enough to get them involved.

I got an anonomous call the didn't tell me who, but where she worked - luckily, I already knew my WH was involved so it was just icing on the cake.

ItHurts,
Why wouldn't you want to call the OP's spouse?


You got an anonymous tip but you were already aware therfore it was just further evidence. What happens if a spouse is completely unsuspecting? Most spouses who trust their spouse would go to them and tell them that they got this type of call. The OP would then be able to explain away the call. They'll just say," it was someone at work who is jealous of me and is trying to hurt me." There are plenty of feasible excuses.

Plan A is all about stopping the affair and disclosure is a big part. Why disclose if it may not be taken seriously?

This is one of the hardest things for a MB newbie to understand. You need to disclose. You need to make it believable with details, evidence, the look on your face, the tone of your voice etc.

In my case I called the OM's W. I told her over the phone. Her initial reaction was to think that I was out to slander her H bc I was a psycho, jealous, nasty H.


So I ask again, why make it anonymous? Are you scared?


Mac

<small>[ July 22, 2004, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

How about calling and telling the affair partners parents? My ww is involved with a single guy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITHURTS:
<strong> Is it necessary to tell the OP spouse who you are?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That wouldn't be very nice. What if the OP's spouse needs to ask you more questions? How would he get ahold of you? Its also a good idea to keep in contact so you can help each other and compare notes.

cwmac - Yes - I am afraid of my WH - I am afraid of his wrath - no physical abuse - but I am afraid that he will shut me out and mentally abuse me again and again..I just went thru 1 year of that and I don't think I am strong enough to go thru it again. For the 10 years of our M I have walked on eggshells and I'm alittle stronger now.

His family and our friends are aware of his A - I have exposed it to them but NOT THE OP H...

We are well known in our community and have a successful business I want to stir the pot but I don't want to have it boil over. I want this OP H to question her, watch her and maybe threaten my WH. Her H has a right to know that she's having some sort of A with another M.

Well, certainly she is going to lie her butt off -but putting the ??? in her H mind may help. Especially, if he has noticed changes in her demenour or coming and goings. That's how I started to catch on.

Since I'm pretty sure there is more than 1 OP - I have to call a couple of BS..

I thought I would just start out with:

Are you having problems in your marriage?
Check your wife's cell phone bills - check these phone numbers out - look for pre-paid phone cards
You need to find out where she's going.

I think one of the BS stopped into our business to look around and find out who drives what vechicles. So I believe one of the guys isn't stupid.

Even if I had 100% trust - if I got a call like that I'd probably start to snoop.

I think what started out as just sex - has evolved into "love". I need to destroy this A and try to restore our M...

But, YES I AM AFRAID...I could have alot to lose financially over some bimbo...and my WH can be mean emotionally and can try to undermine me financially and I wouldn't even realize it..

MONEY - can be the root of all evil...If only these OP could see the real man I'm married too. Long ago, I should have planted the seed in their minds that they aren't the only one he's seeing..But, I just felt he'll find another one - it's who he is..

ItHuirts,
I have an idea. Is there anyway you can find out the e-mail addresses of the BHs? Do they own their own businesses?

Telling them anonymously is better than not telling them at all. But there may be a way to tell them anonymously but in a way that allows them to ask questions.

mac