can plan b bring a spouse home

Yes, it can. It is no guarantee, but it can often pull them off the fence when they realize that the OP can't possibly meet all their needs.

I actually had to talk to my spouse today because of the children. We have said that we would always be their for each other no matter what happened between us you know the friendship thing. I know that means alot to her but I told her today that I can no longer be there for her and she cannot turn to me anymore. of course she is hurt but I was trying to show her some consequences of her actions.of course I did not mean this. she likes to play hardball in stuff like this. Was this a mistake? I told her I did not want to make this choice but her choices have put me here. Her relationship with her other guy is rocky anyway. I also was trying to put more pressure on her because she has a drinking problem and this may make her feel more guilty realizing that she is loosing more. Cause her to drink more and get her to turn around. What do ya think

SA, you need to first send her a Plan B letter or she will just think you are punishing her, which won't help you at all.

Do you have an intermediary who can handle any contact?

no I do not because no one wants to get involved

I did a semi-plan b i still had to have contact b/c of the children and the way oursituation was But it worked my h said that was what made him realize what life would be like with us divorced and he wanted to come back home

I think that is what I have to do because with work schedules and having my MIL be the in between my wife would feel as though I am turning her family against her

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by swimming alone:
<strong> I think that is what I have to do because with work schedules and having my MIL be the in between my wife would feel as though I am turning her family against her </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SA, the whole purpose of Plan B is defeated unless you end all contact. There is no such thing as a semi-Plan B. If you don't go dark, then your W gets her swimmingalone "fix" and you NEVER EVER detach. That defeats the whole point of Plan B.

You wouldn't be turning MIL against anyone. You would just be asking her to be an intermediary for the sake of the children because you need to cut off contact.

How old are your children?

<small>[ July 22, 2004, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

I know theres not technically a semi plan b <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but i did what i could. in my situation i had nobody to go in between at that time. So it started out with a terriable plan he would spend the night on his weekends etc. i finnanly had enough of him having me and her. so i said no you come over here to see the kids only and no tiem to spend with me. i would never call him. and i wouldnt answer his calls. we talked through email ONLY about something important to deal with the children. he missed me he used to beg me to call and "chit chat with him" and stuff like that i stood with my feet firmly planted in the ground and in our case that was enough. he still saw me 2 times a week or so when he came over for a few hours to see the kids but not spending time with me no talking etc.

mylife, what you describe is not Plan B, but Plan A. He has already been in Plan A.

Also, did your H end his affair? I thought he was still in contact with the OW?

The end goal of Plan B is to end the affair or move onto divorce. That can only happen if one is completey dark. Anything less is simply Plan A.

10 and 8 how should finances be handled. we have split up the bills and will share financial responsibilty with the children. but my wife said that she will not have enough money I told her to get a part time job to pay for anything else she wants to do . I will not pay for you to go see him

10 and 8 how should finances be handled. we have split up the bills and will share financial responsibilty with the children. but my wife said that she will not have enough money I told her to get a part time job to pay for anything else she wants to do . I will not pay for you to go see him

SA, you are right, she shouldn't receive any family money to maintain her affair. I agree with ya on that. Outside of that, I would expect her to pay you child support and her share of insurance, cars, etc.

Melody:
Hi (sorry swimming to hijack your thread )
my scenario in simplified terms is

h started A last may.
we had 3 false recoveries with me in plan A
finnanly in october i asked him to leave b/c he was still in heavy contact so he left.
i guess i was still in plan A he insisted on D
i agreed i guess so i went to my plan B : ( like i said it was not traditional) i had to speak to him bc i could not keep the kids from him. but i would not talk to him in any way shape or form until he gave up ow.

NOvember he told me he wanted me back. i made him show me he was done with ow. a NC letter. and i saw he stopped calling her. he moved back home Jan.

as of now. he has had 3 contacts with ow that i know about. my main problem right now is that i dont know if they talk at wokr at all . i have disrupted any possiable way for him to talk to her outside of work. but i 'm not at work so i dont know. thats what i'm stuck on now.
he is looking for a new job. and applying to tons of places. so i'm hopeful.

maybe it wasnt even a semi plan b but i thought it was. b/c i had no contact with him we were set on getting a d if he didnt end contact with OW. maybe i'm mistaken <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> about the differnt plans.
sorry!

It appears that you have to do the best that you can on this and follow the plan as closley as possible.....What is doing a 180 all about