WH and I are seriously working on our marriage, but lately, when we're making love, he's having a hard time "finishing" so to speak. 2 days in a row now. yesterday, he didn't "finish". I'm starting to feel like crap. He said that it isn't about me, he thinks its because of the huge load of guilt he has and because we're always "hurrying" because of the baby, or work or something. We don't get lots of time for long drawn out lovely sex. But, I'm worried about it. He was VERY down this morning after sex. He feels like an idiot and he seems depressed to me. I feel like its something that I'm doing, but he says no. I'm wondering if its because he thinks of OW during sex, but he says no. It's just guilt and stress. He's NEVER been like this. His libido has always been very high. This is only since DDay. Could guilt do this or do you think its something more? I feel like crap and it makes my self esteem drop even more, and, I feel like I'm not able to satisfy him. That's not a good thing. I know not everything is about me, but, I can't help thinking I'm doing something wrong. Please let me hear some advice.

Hey halsey -

Right after d-day, we had pretty good sex. Probably because I wanted to reclaim my territory (H) and he wanted to forget all about his problems (drinking & A's).

After about three months of MC, I found out he was still lying and asked him to leave until he decided whether or not he wanted to be HONEST with me and married to me. We were separated for about six weeks.

Once H started through IC and AA, SF was weird. Sometimes it was just fine and sometimes he couldn't get it going. I felt like crap. In fact, I felt like I was lower than the piece of trash he was screwing during his last A.

I believe it was H's guilt. Then after not being able to perform a few times, H got stressed out. So add in both factors...guilt and stress...and you'll find it difficult for SF.

Since H has been working on his issues for the past nine months, he is getting (mentally) stronger. I would say our sex life during the last three months has been very, very good. Better than ever. H has not suffered from performance issues.

Although I thought at the time that it was because of or about me, it wasn't. So, it's not about you but is most likely due to the guilty feelings your H is trying to work through.

Just be positive. Give your H encouragement. He'll come around.

Take care.

sss