I was wondering how you've been doing and have read a couple of your most recent posts. I know how hard it is being pregnant and h still in a fog.

I was very forunate that my h came out of the fog very quickly. We have two other daughters and he had to take care of them while I was in the hospital... He said that during this time he had already decided that he needed to be with me.. but he said the first night when my girls cried for me all night he said that it hit him like a ton of bricks. The impact of leaving me and his kids would be devasting to them. For me the fog seem to be lifted overnight... for him he says it was getting clearer everyday.

Your h is definitly in denial... who knows what the OW is telling him especially if she is married also. He needs a quick kick in the pants! He's not going to know what hit him when this baby is born. Most likely he will hold the baby... that is if you let him come to the delivery... and realize there is nothing more important.

The OW will DEFINATELY be jealous. My h's ow couldn't stand the fact that I was sharing something so important with my h. He didn't have a choice but to be there with me. She called him constantly when he was in the hospital with me and after we came home. She started putting demands on my h... wanting more of his time... he wanted to be with his family. It made her so mad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> !!! HEE HEE! And she was pusing my h away more and more. The last time he talked to her he told her to stop calling him he didn't want to be with her anymore... and he changed his phone number. I didn't suggest it he did... that put a big smile on my face... just to know that he was serious about us again.

Things have been great... although I still struggle with my emotions every once in a while. Everyday it gets better. The memory of the hurt I went through is getting pushed further back to where it's just a memory. We are still in counseling and are working very hard at our marriage. We are "dating" again and are having blast together.

I wish you all the luck... your h will one day realize what a mistake he is making. He will regret that he didn't try to make it work with you. Hopefully it won't be too late that you won't be able to take him back. Also... my MC told us that relationships that start out as A NEVER work in the end. That gave me some comfort to know that know matter what happens... his relationship with OW wasn't going to go anywhere. It wasn't a healthy start to begin with... how could it end happily???

betrayed wife - There you are! Thanks for posting a success story. We have several pregnant women here, and I know they could use the encouragement!

BW - I hope you don't mind, I'm jumping into this one since I'm in a very similar situation to Durhams and would very much like to get your take on things.

What was your WH like during your pregnancy? How long were your seperated? My WH has been gone for exactly two months from today. I have no idea if he is still seeing OW and that's why he doesn't want to come home, or if he just doesn't want to be with me. He seems excited about the baby but doesn't seem to really get it. I mean how could he walk out on his pregnant wife if he really got it? I still have four and a half months to go. I don't see how I could take him back if he could abandon me during this entire time. What should have been the happiest time of our lives, has been the worst. I honestly think WH feels that we can go from being M to being friends raising a baby together. I don't understand how he is so easily willing to be a part time father. I don't think it has even occured to him that I might not let him be there for the birth of his child.

What did your WH say went through his mind during this time?

Kloe- My ordeal did not last very long. I was eight months pregnant when h started acting werid. He started talking to OW in the middle of April and stopped at the end of May. It was about six weeks. He told me about her May 2nd. It was the worst day of my life. He said that he would end it with her. The next day he did but it got worse. He didn't stop talking to her like he said he would. He never left home. He would come home from work, play with the kids for about 30 minutes and then he would leave. He wouldn't come home until 2:00 a.m. The funny thing was when he came home at night he could of slept on the couch but he would crawl into bed with me. He was very confused. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He said a lot of hurtful things to me... like "where are you going to live? not with me." I ignored it and I stayed strong for my kids. I continued to get up everyday and take care of them and tried not to worry about what a idiot he was being. Now he just says that he wasn't "sane". That he just forgot breifly how much he did love me. I'm very forunate that it only lasted for six weeks. If he had left I'm not sure that I would of been able to take him back.

How long did you Plan A... did you ask him to leave or did he just do it?

When your baby comes he will probably have a different outlook on the situation. My OB told me that the baby coming would bring our marriage and life together back into perspective. She was right. I do believe that is what happened to h. When children are involved divorce is even more devastating. My MC told us that children can adjust to divorce... but often will dream that their parents were together and happy.

Well we had the same D-day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I wanted to work on things but he decided to leave. He stuck around physically for three weeks after D-day but had already mentally checked out, although we did have SF during that time. He moved in with his Mom because that's all he can afford. I found MB during the three weeks he was still here and tried to start Plan A but I was too much of an emotional wreck, crying all the time, lost 13 lbs in less then 2 weeks. I'm doing much better with it but I don't know if it's having any effect on him. We had a nice dinner on our anniversary last month and he opened up a little bit but since then nothing. He seems to have withdrawn even further. He went to the sonogram this week and we chated while we were there. It just seems like we are stuck in limbo forever. He just seems so willing to become a part time father and walk out on our entire life together.

Thanks for checking in on me. My H left when I was six months pregnant and has had no desire to leave OW. When I am sad I wish I had him back but most of the time I think how could I be with someone who has caused me this much pain and been gone half of my pregnancy.
I am ready to end this painful chapter of my life and begin new with the birth of my son.
It is going to be hard to be a single parent but for some reason God has chosen this path for me.

Durham- I'm glad to hear that your doing okay. Hang in there and stay strong... your son needs you and will need you more than ever.

Kloe- He sounds a lot like my h. He checked out emotionally too. I spent several nights in the hospital and he could hardly speak to me. Do you have family support? One BIG help was his mother. For some reason he decided to tell her about the OW. She stayed on him... told him what a mistake he was making. My h was very confussed. He continued to see OW but agreed to go to MC with me.???? At the time he said he was going to prepare us for a divorce. But it ended up after two sessions he said that he realized that he still loved me. It still took about two more weeks before he could stop talking to her. If you can talk him into going to counseling it is totally worth it. Hy h needed to hear it from someone else. Our couselor told h that OW was not real... she was just telling him what he wanted to hear. I wish you well.