I picked up the phone, and there was my WH wanting to talk. I wasn't going to talk, but he wanted to explain himself.

Since I didn't return his call after he serve me DV papers on Monday, he said he was worried. So he finally called his parents to see how I was doing.

He told me how concern he was about my well being, I told him it was a little late to be concern about me.

I know I shouldn't have but I told him how I felt. I was strong, calm and just let him have it.

I told him how disappointed and hurt I was how he went about the divorce papers. He told me he couldn't get a DV in NJ. No kidding, he didn't have any grounds.

After fourteen years, he should have known me better. I wasn't after anything, I'm not a person who is bitter, or take him for everything he has. I just want to be treated with respect and kindness. He could have talked to me about obtaining a divorce. I told him I would have like to filed in my own state, and he should have come to me first and ask me to grant him one. I'm not unreasonable. Not how he handled it by going thousands of miles away where no one had a clue where he was and then serving me dv papers days after our anniversary. Even though I wanted to save my marriage, I know this is going to sound strange, but he robbed me of the chance to filed for a dv.

We talked for a couple of hours. I wanted him to take responsibility for 50% of the marriage. I'm not taking the blame for all. I laid everything out, I had nothing to lose anymore.

I might of screwed up by telling him I'm getting a lawyer. I told him I'm not contesting, I just to protect what is mine. He told me it wasn't necessary, he wasn't after anything of mine. I told him I couldn't trust him, I need to protect myself, it was nothing against him, but I'm the only one who is going to look after me and my interest. I need representation. He disgree but I didn't care. I got to take care of me, I'm number one.

He told me he was unhappy. He did enjoy living in Vegas where it is warm and there are many more jobs opportunties out there for him.

He did tell me I can now call him anytime and talk, gee that makes me feel better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Its a little late. I just need closure. I'm ready to get this over with and move on. I'm just tired of all the secrets, lies and the deceptions. Plus, I had the best years of his life, where his spirit was beautiful and he was such a loving and wonderful man. Now he is just beaten down and he will never be the same again. I hope the loving man is the man I will remember looking back upon my life and not the man who has no guidance.

You make me smile, and lift me up...

At a time when your grief must be overwhelming, you are strong, cool and collected.

An inspiration!

Thank you!

Keep that strength dear lady! You deserve happiness. You deserve respect. Don't EVER forget that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks Weaver & UN,

What a week!

Last Saturday, two days after my anniversary, I went to wedding with my in-laws. After the wedding, I was so proud of myself (and so were my in-laws) for not breaking down, did some exposing of my WH's A, and I felt so strong and confident.

Monday I received that blow of DV papers, from a state thousands of miles away. At least I don't have to worry about running into my WH and OW in anymore stores.

Tuesday he was trying to make contact with me but I wasn't going to just drop everything and give him call, especially since I haven't heard from him since Memorial Day.

Wednesday, I found a peace. I can't explain it, but I just wanted to let go and go on with my life. I love my WH and wanted to rebuild our marriage, but it was time to let go. I still mourn and cry, but God has given me wonderful in-laws, great friends and has led to this board which has given me strength to expose and to know we can survive this, even though there were days I just stayed in bed and cried.

Friday I talked to WH, and I just told him how I felt without fear of confrontation. He listened, but didn't say to much. I was strong, even though I cried but I stood up for myself and my beliefs. I will never let my WH and OW bring me down, I'm stronger from their actions.

When I came home from work, my WH sent me this email, which I'm sharing. Its simple, but as you can read, I still think he doesn't want me to find representation.

Dear BS,

I appreciate you taking the time today to speak with me. I hope we can both begin slowly the healing process.

After our conversation, I spoke to my attorney for some clarification on the community property issues. He said that in the State of Nevada
after 6 months no one can sue for community property. He also said to reassure you and make things easier, I could sign an affidavit stating
that I won't ask for your house now or ever... assuming you sign the papers & business over to me before the 20 days is up.

Think it over. I know you don't have any faith in me now, but I am willing to try to calm your fear of losing what I know is yours.

WH

What to do think? I'm still having a hard time trusting him.

HD2

I'm glad that you and H were able to talk, although you probably were dreading it... I think you did AWESOME. You laid it all out for him. You spoke your piece. It sounded productive, not an all-out yelling match.

He could get a DV in NJ... there is a separation period of 18 months. Adultery as a cause is granted immediately (wish that were the case elsewhere...).

I wanted to post again... you should get a lawyer. I would not be ASSURED by someone else'd lawyer that you've never even met. Don't let him bully you or sweet-talk you. His lawyer probably suggested to say this to you. GET YOUR OWN LAWYER!

We were both aware that he had to wait 18 months before he could file here in NJ. According to a NJ lawyer I could get a divorce in 35 days. I did ask him what is the rush? He didn't answer. He did tell me he would never get married again. Not if the OW has anything to do with it.

I wish he would understand that I need to get a Nevada lawyer. Its not about him, or not trusting him, this time it is about me and protecting me. He doesn't see that. He is not going to sweet talk me out of it.

I did tell him I wished him well and hope he would find someone who will love him for who he is and not how much money his parents have. He needs to make a new start without the OW and to find himself. In time I hope we can be friends, because we had a wonderful friendship. He was my best friend. As long as the OW is around, we will never be able to be friends, she would never let that happen. I'm too much of a threat. Plus, our emotionals are too raw, but I can't imagine him not being somewhere in my life. We have meant too much to each other and I will always be there for him. God works in mysterious ways, so I don't know what the future holds, I just learned I have to be true to myself.

Just in case you haven't actually found a NV attorney yet, here are some resources for you. If you call the Bar Association, they can normally give you referrals to attorneys who specialize in the area of law that you need.

State Bar of Nevada:
http://www.nvbar.org/

Clark County Bar Association: http://www.clarkcountybar.org/

Nevada Legal Services:
http://www.lawhelp.org/NV/

Clark County Legal Services:
http://www.clarkcountylegal.com/

Clark County Family Law Self-Help Center:
http://www.co.clark.nv.us/district_court/self_help_center.htm

Attorney Guide:
http://www.attorneyguide.com/

Just J..... U R waaaaay cool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That's a lot of research info there.

Just wanted to say what a great MBer U R. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Keep up the good work.

L.

<small>[ July 25, 2004, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Thanks Just J,

I need all the help I can to find attorney. I have a phone consultation on Monday. If that doesn't work out at least I have more names of attorneys to call. I really appreciate all the help.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I could sign an affidavit stating
that I won't ask for your house now or ever... assuming you sign the papers & business over to me before the 20 days is up.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is quote my Wh emailed me. It sounds like a threat to me. Assuming I sign his papers, he won't go after my house. What do you think?

Well, since that's not what he put in his original papers.....and since this promise is coming from a man who snuck off to Vegas with his OW, and blindsided you with a long-distance Divorce.....

I don't know the guy, but I wouldn't trust him on it. To me, it sounds like someone trying to do everything in his power to get the Divorce done quickly and cheaply.

I'd still make sure you had a good consultation with an Attorney, and mention this offer as well.

When my brother divorced his first wife, he told her that they would save money if they used the same attorney. He sweet talked her and she believed it. He bilked her out of alot of money that she deserved. Although she had cheated on him, I believe what he did was wrong. I think her guilt (she didn't know we knew about the affair) allowed her to go along with his scheme.

Although I don't think you would, please let me reassert that you should not go along with HIS plans. You need an attorney who can protect you. He can help you. You never know what your husband has "hidden." Rest assured that what goes around, comes around.

I have a consulation with an attorney Tuesday Morning. Its only a half hour and they are charging 45.00. I'm thinking of questions I should ask?

I know I want to find out how I can get the case moved to NJ, Do I have to physically be there in Nevada, how can I delay this, what about assets, etc.

I have all this to deal with and today at work they have contracting me on special project that will go on to October. It will keep me busy, but my mind is going in all directions. This project will make it hard for me to leave town.

I shouldn't worry about Nevada, until I speak to an attorney. The more and more I think about this is was so careful plan, I know this was the OW doings. She is the kind of person who is very detailed, my WH is not a planner, especially a detail one.