Please help. H is going back to work. He's been on leave since he his dirty deed, about 2 months. (Depression, sickness and generally unhealthly.) Boss wants him to travel immediatly... I feel so distrustful, and still feel that if he didn't get sick I would have never been the wiser of his deed. How do I know it won't happen again? H says to stop living like this, move on, get it off my mind. I just can't beleive he did that and now I can't beleive he won't do it again and that that was his first time. How do I cope?

Well this is going to be hard for you. I still think that since he got so ill, that it may have been his first time.

But you can't just move on without working through this. Will he go to counseling?

I want to feel so confident that this was his first time, but that in and of itself sounds like there would or could be more coming. There is always the first time.

H says he know what the mc will say. How do you feel? What can you do? Is it about you? What do you need to change?

I've been so freaked out that I saying no to things I normally would have done. I've been more of me first...no more doormat. I have always pulled my weight financially and still kept the house, laundry, cooking & cleaning in order. Kept up with our child's needs and have been totally committed to my family. But that didn't stop this from happening.

So maybe a more selfish,independent person with more self esteem will meet his emotional needs. What difference does it make if the kitchen isn't cleaned every night? Who cares if we all live out of the laundry room? I'm not doing it all any more it just doesn't matter.
Cheat on me because I’m a lazy, no good woman who doesn't care about anything. Don't let me do all and then cheat. Let me give you a reason. (Sorry....I guess I'm still venting)

regards- I know how you feel. I make good money, and have always done most of the childcare things for his kids and mine. I volunteered in their schools, took them to doctor appointments, and spent time with them.

I also did all of the cleaning, laundry, shopping and cooking. WH worked, but other than that, just sat back and did nothing.

Sometimes I think that I did too much. I needed to let him do more.

But with your WH I still think that it was a one time mistake. However he needs to put a lot of effort into making you feel safe.