My wife said this morning "well DD has told tom and cathy and DS,who is 18, has told his girlfriend and now all the teenagers in town know". All I could say was I'm sorry but I thought-you brought this on yourself. The separation papers have been in her hands since Wednesday and I don't think she has read them. She hasn't indicated that she wants to be in this marriage either. The OM is on vacation with his family and they haven't got to talk like they have been. I think she is waiting to discuss with him. Been Plan Aing but my tongue is sore from biting it and not saying LB. It is amazing once you can pull out of the drama. I'm Ok and will be OK if she stays or if she leaves but I won't have an OM in my life. I hope this doesn't get nasty.

HINC,

In ways I am sorry to hear that it is getting around, on the other had what did she expect? She did NOT feel any remorse for 3 A's and one of them 5 years in duration.

I think she is going to have to hit bottom before she really faces this. Your children's reaction to her I am sure surprised here. I suspect that deep down she thought they would "see the wisdom <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> of her decisions". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hang in there.

JL

"I'm sorry but you brought this on yourself" is not exactly biting your tongue, hopefulinnc. I don't know if it's necessarily an LB, but I would not have said that. I try not to tell my WW things that sound lecture-y, especially when the thing I'm tempted to say is something I know she already realizes herself. Those statements give you a feeling of righteousness and satisfaction, but do they accomplish anything else?

GC

In my small town the teenagers know everything before us adults do it seems. They have a way of keeping us honest, thank God.

Having kids around will help you to keep this from getting "nasty".

I like your attitude!

JL-your the best. Gray Cloud-I didn't say you brought this on yourself but I sure thought it.
So today_I'm going to church which I haven't done in a long time. Then in the afternoon I'm playing gold with some male friends from work. At least I won't have to be around the chaos for a few hours. We are headed for a showdown. When youngets son leaves for college I am gonna call her out so to speak. In the words of the OM it will be time to fish or cut bait. I will put with this toll then. She will have to make the hard choice then cause I won't live with the A going on. It will be plan B if she chooses to leave. Actually I'm kinda looking forward to being away from the craziness.

Was home for lunch today and the OM called the wife. He had called 2 times earlier in the day. Wife says we don't have honesty in this relationship-why didn't you tell me you were being tested for STD until after the fact. I said, probalby a LB, you didn't protect me so I protected myself. Then she proceeds to express her anger toward me for not loving her. I told her I was angry about the A. Her angry was very venomous. But I clamy took it and said yes I made a lot of mistakes that I am willing to chnage. she said they weren't mistakes and I said looking back yes they were mistakes. Then I read her a passage from Bishop TD Jakes about if a person is not with you let them walk away. I told her she could walk away anytime she wanted. I ended the conversation by having to leave for work with "I love you". Why do WS have all this anger against us? To justify their actions? I'm ready for the chaos to end one way or another. I will not beg or plead with her to stay. I will survive. I will thrive.

hinc - I obviously didn't read your post very carefully <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm glad you're feeling okay. Your W is projecting her dishonesty and generall crumminess onto your M, making you the co-owner. WS like to do that, don't they?

I've been thinking about going to church myself. Thought perhaps I'd quietly sneak into the Unitarian church in my neighborhood one day. Yikes. I am an agnostic.

GC