I have postedthis on another site so my apologies to those of you who are reading this again. I have been married for 13 years to a women that I love greatly. We have had our usual ups and owns with our marriage but now she has hit waht I beleive to be a crisis in her life. Her three sisters all went through this and all their relationships have ended in divorce. I do not want that to happen.I am fully committed to my wife and my children and will do what ever is necessary to get through this.
My wife has a burning desire to complete some unfinished study she has resigned her job and intends to leave our family next year and go overseas. We are already liviing apart. Three months ago she established a relationship with another women and while they are not living together she does tell me that she loves her and that the other women loves her in return. I have just spent a week with my wife at our new house, different bedrooms, and that was very hard. She loves the house that we designed together and refers to it as our home but at the same time she does not see that we will have a future together but is happy to spend time with me on activities that we both enjoy.
I am sometimes at a loss as to whether I am dealing with an affair and/or midlife crisis. I can find very little written about women and I have to constantly make the gender change when I read literature. I need to be better informed about these issues and would greatly appreciate any ideas,reflections, experiences that could help me through this. Please only reply if you beleive that it is important to save our marriage. I dont want to know how to throw it away. I want help to run the course and live by what I promised to her many years ago for the sake of our family and my beautiful wife.

I am passing along a website that was referred to me here and found it interesting. It is "midlifeclub.com" and is about midlife crisis for both men and women. You can read up on it there, as I did regarding my husband. That's all I can offer, as your info was limited, as to whether your wife is having an affair or not. Take care of the minor children, if any.

It sounds like she is having an affair, yes. Check out Emotional Infidelity. Beyond that, I believe it is an affair whenever your spouse gives someone or someTHING else what they should be giving you, and also when they get something from someone or something else that they should be GETTING from you. The thing that crystallized this in my thinking was the realization that my wife had been getting her most important emotional needs met through her career for YEARS before she had an "actual" affair by the classic definition.

So, by that definition, whether your wife's relationship with her female friend is sexual or not, it is an affair.

Please note that women's sexual orientation is more fluid than mens, generally speaking, and more dependent on how they feel about the emotional connection they have with the other person. So, some women "discover" they are "gay" when they develop an intimate emotional relationship with another woman, and conclude that the reason they never felt this way about their husband must be because they are REALLY homosexual. The truth is, if they had the same kind of EMOTIONAL conection to their husband that they had with their "gay lover", they would think that they were heterosexual, and the idea of homosexuality would be unappealing. Harley teaches couples how to develop that intimate emotional relationship.