My girl left to be with OM again. She moved out months ago, we worked on us for 2 months and I thought it was going good. We were talking about our future one day, and the next she calls it off. Total seperation withdrawals got to her and she called him. That's all it took. 2 months of hard work and great intimate moments, and now this.
Obviously plan A got me somewhere, then I lost her again.I really don't have any other choice but plan B. She has made that clear. She says she'll call next week when she returns, to discuss me buying the house from her. You see, we're not married but together 17 years and own a home together. I don't want to do this. Why do I still have hope? Has plan B worked for anyone out there?
HELP!

Plan B worked for me.

Plan B takes effort. Effort in the form of patience.

L.

You mean to say that your spouse actually came back after total seperation? And you had the patience to wait it out? I commend you and I'm praying it works for me.

How's it going now? I assume there's a lot of strange feelings and hard times. If my girl does decide to come back again, how am I suppose to feel after being rejected so harshly? I mean, this is the second time she left. But I guess there some of you out there that can say your WS has come in and out of your life more than that. It's disappointing, yet a glimmer of hope. Love got a hold on me. I never thought I would tolerate so much pain. And why should anyone? Love is strange.

Orchid.......Were you seperated and how long were you in plan B........

I was never in Plan A or Plan B, the affair was over when I found out about it.

This site helped me keep my sanity and probably saved my marriage.

d/d Nov 2000
WS moved out 12/31/00
WS moved in mid Apr 2001

Contact w/OW continued and escalated.

Plan B put into affect when contact was uncovered. WS moved out and lived in his truck for several days at a time.

OW claimed prego 1 in Nov 2000, prego 2 June 2001 and prego 3 Aug 2001. OW asked for medical and child support on 2nd prego. (no proof ever provided - no $$ transacted)

I had a miscarriage end of June 2001.

WS arrested for DM July 2001 w/ 2 1/2 days in jail.

RO from police on WS July 2001 for 10 days.

WS went to live with OW for approx 7 days (up to end of RO time).

WS called from OWs house begging to come home w/OW in the background yelling "take him back L."

WS allowed to move back with plan B option.

A continued in a lessor form but it still continued off and on until August 2003.

In August 2003, OW sent me an e-mail in an attempt to make the WS all hers. She talked about my mother dying which made me very angry. She tried to be my friend by starting her letter as: Dear L. How disgusting. She then filed an RO against the WS. This last blow almost ended our M. I was furious.

The WS asked for help. I let him stew for a while. He did not know where he was going to even live but knew he wasn't going to be with the OW. He was willing to even live on the streets. After a few days of that, I let him move back in. He asked me to go to court with him to face the RO charges. OW was there and told a bunch of lies. It is amazing how she spins stuff. She tried to look like the victim but the judge saw right through her but honored the RO as he said, for both their sakes. OW may have felt victorious but in the end she is still a lonely greedy selfish psycho babble rabbit. I wonder if she is stalking her next victim.

Everytime contact uncovered, plan B went out and the stakes to return went up. OW would even call my cell, home and work. Sending e-mails and threatening to get me fired. Accused me of having an A w/FIL, accused me of being an lesbian, accused me of embezzling from my work, threatened to call police and have me arrested for harrassing her and threatened to turn me in for being an abusive mother.

None of the charges were true or followed through by OW. I called the police to ask about my rights, I called her local police to report her calls, I informed my boss and HR dept of her threats to contact my work and report her hang up phone calls. I called police to report her calling my home and sending me e-mails with her threats.

The A died. It was tough. The OW is a nutcase. Here she is referred to as PBR (psycho babble rabbit).

Ws had a hard time explaining why he kept going back to the OW. He said he didn't even like the sex w/her but she did promise wealth and travel. Those selfish things excited him enough to keep him hooked. I believe he did enjoy the sex and the promises. Greed plays a big part in the A in many areas. The OP and WS have to make a lot of promises to each other to keep the A going. Lots of promises. That is why the BS is having such a hard time. You don't know the promises.

A good tool is for the BS to put doubt in the A. Background checks on the OP helps. I learned it was better to ask questions raising doubt than to teach him anything. I learned to reverse babble when he would talk stupid. If it got too difficult, I would stop talking and either listen or leave the convo.

I did e-mail for a while since it was easier and with less emotion. I kept my conv down to 3 subjects: $$, mail and child visitation.

I learned my legal options and exercised them as needed. I learned how to hide my fear. The A depends on the BS being in fear. It feeds the A.

I held the family values as high. The WS had to become to spouse to be allowed to stay with his family. It was a long hard road. Plan B is still in my back pocket and comes out quickly if needed.

We no longer yell at each other. Even the most difficult subjects are discussed in a more calm manner.

We periodically have discussions about his feelings. It hurts him to talk about it but knows it needs to be done for both our sakes.

We are getting there but it isn't easy. It is worth it though. I know I can and will survive. The WS doesn't know if they will and that is a tool you can use.

Hope this helps.
L.

<small>[ July 25, 2004, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>