weaver-
there are so many falsehoods in what you have
written that I don't know where to begin.
I knew MM by sight for 3 years before we became friends-
how does that translate to a 3 Year EA?
The XW was violent years before I had any kind
of relationship with her H. How does that translate to the violence having anything to do
with the A- since it took place years before.
This is why I don't respond to you- you don't
really read- you turn the facts around to
support your untrue accusations.

"asuage" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Suz

Susan:

I ac2ally like the CORRECT spelling better!

like "it makes an @$$ out of "U" and "age"" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, going back 2 my corner!
-ol' 2long

Pink..

I just don't understand how we as BS can not be a person to you guys. How you guys can not give us a second thought?

That is exactly what the OW said to me. It's disgusting that you guys act like there is not another person involved. I mean really. You make up this fantasy world in your head that you are this mans knight and shining armor that is going to save him from this awful marriage, mind you that is what's he's told you, and you believe it that is what floors me.

What are we to you?

Well Pink, you said you had a three year friendship at work with this guy, and that is when you fell in love with him. In my mind that makes it an EA. And since you knew he was married for these three years, why didn't you walk away and leave him to work things out with his wife?

As for the violence, how do you know? You have only one side.

As for any other "untrue facts which I have turned around" lets hear them. Are they from your original thread? I'm very curious now.

And I don't think you are sincere in being here. That's just my opinion, which by the way I am entitled to.

I am not sure who originally wrote this post, I apologize for not copying who posted it. But I think it's a great!

quote from Fraggles!

"I have a new way of dealing with my feelings about the SOW. She got a part of my H that I never knew could ever exist. A part that could lie, cheat, and put aside all morals and integrity. That's what he had to do "for her."
He was so lost to himself that he didn't know what he had become. That part of him died when the affair died. She can keep that part of him, I don't want it. It's all she got from him anyway.
I know have the man I fell in love with, the man I married back. The man I deserve. She got the man she deserved."

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: 2B Us Again ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Susan:
<strong> "asuage" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Suz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wheeelll thank yew little lady! Mighty rite nice of yew.

XOXO

Pep

I'm sorry but I have no empathy for the OP who takes part in a marriage in trouble, thus using it to her benefit. My W and I were separated for almost 2 years. I plan A'd and worked on my LB's and grew as a Husband. These qualities drew her back to me and we did in fact reconcile. The OM who first got involved with my W is a jerk regardless to how well intentioned he was to be supportive, because he KNEW my W was still M to ME when they started seeing each other!!

Let me repeat I was separated for 2 years!! I met many women, but NOT one single WOMAN of SUBSTANCE would deal with me until I was divorced. In fact the ONLY women that were interested in me were women who were CHEATERS and extremely DESPERATE!!
All the decent women said the same thing when I stupidly reached out for them:
"Holla back when you got your paperwork DONE!"

So, where does that put you?

I do have compassion for the OP who may have been decieved into thinking his/her love interest was divorced or single, thats a sad situation and in that case YES the OP deserves our empathy. BUT BUT BUT, if you knowingly get involved with someone who is M regardless to how you rationalize it, YOUR A MAGGOT and have no respect for the INSTITUTION of M, in fact you are preying on vulnerable people in crisis.

Question:
If his wife was so abusive why hadn't he left?
He didnt have the strength to leave until he found you, is that it?
Or was it, he didn't have the desire to leave until he found you?
and what does that say about him?

An abusive M is still salvagable and you had no right to be in the middle. There's no excuse for doing the wrong thing, of course a coward can always find a way to justify their actions, it's the brave who bite the bullet and do what they know to be right. How can I wish you the best in you M when you aided in the destruction of another M?

Please explain how I can be supportive of you?
Please explain why I would care about your feelings after you so selfishly aided in inflicting so much pain to another person?

You did the wrong thing and now you want a voice?
Gimme a break!

Family Matters- Apply everything you've said
about me to your wife because it would be true.
Do you support and show compassion to your W?
Does she deserve it?
Does she deserve a voice?

Remember most OP were invited into a relationship
by the WS. The did not force themselves upon it.

If your W came to this board- would you want her
to be jumped on- as I have been?

To say- well you love her, so it's different is
hypocritical if you really believe they are
both to blame.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by The Pink Paige:
<strong>

Remember most OP were invited into a relationship
by the WS. The did not force themselves upon it.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, if someone invites you to rob a bank, you have no choice in the matter? Are you somehow not responsible for your choices? How does that work exactly, Pink?

I think this is the crux of your problem, Pink, you have never taken responsibilty for your part in breaking up a marriage and feel no remorse. What you did is wrong but you can't comprehend that.

It really doesn't matter what FamilyMatters wife did, it wouldn't justify your behavior or your offensive, appalling defense of same. Two wrongs don't make a right. There simply is no defense.

I agree with Mel

Pink you seem similar to my WW in her thinking about a lot of things. She just pushes on, with a so-what attitude. Consequences be damned.

I don't believe my WW invited OM into a R. I think she was seduced. I don't think she was looking for an A, (at least most of the time I don't think so) I think she was sucked into this fantasy of him and of a new her.

MelodyLane,
Which is why I make no attempt to even try and
defend it. There is no defense, no I offer none.
When asked I explain how I felt at the time,
"what went through my head" etc..
I think you're taking the fact that I make no
defense into some kind of glib viewpoint.
It's not true. Frankly, if you think about it-
there is nothing I could say or do that would
change your belief that I have no guilt whatsoever about my A.
I can only speak my truth- but then I get called
a liar and my presense here is questioned. My
M is fine, remember ghaving only been married
a year- we are still in the honeymoon stage.
But have hope- my marriage may flounder in a few
years and you can all say I told you so and I
got what I deserved etc.. because that is the
real issue here isn't it. If my H had gone back
to his W and dumped me- then all would be fair
and right with the world- and I believe the
hostility towards me would be significantly less.
I think J is right- this is not a good place
for me- your compassion is only for those in
the same boat as yourselves and no one whose path
is different will be tolerated.
I hope all your situations turn out for the
best and you find peace.
I will not be posting again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by The Pink Paige:
<strong> Family Matters- Apply everything you've said
about me to your wife because it would be true.
Do you support and show compassion to your W?
Does she deserve it?
Does she deserve a voice?

Remember most OP were invited into a relationship
by the WS. The did not force themselves upon it.

If your W came to this board- would you want her
to be jumped on- as I have been?

To say- well you love her, so it's different is
hypocritical if you really believe they are
both to blame. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look I'm married, but I'm not dead and I know how to score points with people who are lonely or in turmoil. I'm not saying you preyed on this man or set out to ruin their M. I do believe you knew it was wrong and you didn't bow out of the equation.

Why should I have sympathy for you?
Me and my wife have children and we took vows to work through any crisis, till death do us part, remember?
You are merely trying to rationalize your coarse actions. I don't care if someone invites you, YOU know it's wrong and you DECIDED you didn't care if you hurt someone else. Don't you worry my wife has a lot of making up to do with me, and I do with her for that matter. The bottom line is OP have no right being in your M at ALL.

Where's your sense of morality?
Where's your sense of self-respect?

I've had opportunities to date M women, but the guilt of being a homewrecking piece of trash is HUGE for me. How can I be a good person and do that regardless to how I feel. You're right my W was wrong to get involved, but I also realize a person in a troubled M is particulary vulnerable to members of the opposite sex who meet their EN's.

I apologize for atacking you, but I have a hard time discounting your actions. If you want to be a moral person, be one all the time, not just when its convenient or easy. At least that's what I teach my children.

Peace

LHC - You have been given some very honest answers that you probably don't want to hear. I would like to ask you a couple of questions that you need to answer as honestly as you can.

1. What advice would you offer your son / daughter if they said, "mum I have been having an affair with X and I want to marry them?" Would you say that's a great foundation to build a long term relationship go for it?

2. You started a relationship with this other person (OP), whilst you were already married. The OP knew this and had no problem doing this. How can you two ever trust each other knowing this?

3. Every time one of you is out late, will you ever be able to fully trust that person knowing how you have both previously betrayed your existing spouses?

4. Are you proud of your A? Are you telling your best friends about this? If the answer is no, then it's because you probably know that it is wrong. If you know that it is wrong on any level, the relationship will eventually fail.

I am not criticizing you, but I would suggest that you put as much effort into saving your existing marriage, as you are in keeping this A alive.

The following advice would apply to both yourself and the other person that you are involved with..

Kill off the A immediately and admit everything to your partner and marriage counsellor and work like hell on your marriage.

If things don't work out in your M at least you can honestly say I gave it my best shot. Only then will be in a p[osition to move on with a clear conscience

Did anyone else notice that Lonelyhearts never came back to this thread or the one she started 2 days prior to this one?

So sad that she was unwilling to receive help on saving her marriage and giving her children a secure home... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Paige:

"I think J is right- this is not a good place
for me- your compassion is only for those in
the same boat as yourselves and no one whose path
is different will be tolerated.
I hope all your situations turn out for the
best and you find peace.
I will not be posting again."

I don't agree. I believe that whether your R started out in the shade or not, here you are. Your H's xW seems 2 be happy with the outcome 2day, and you seem 2 be making a go of it now.

There have been others here who were trying 2 recover their Ms after an A, who started said M AS an affair. Even those can be salvaged, but I would think it's a lot harder 2 do.

Peace is, indeed the goal. What we all probably needed, but didn't realize until this happened 2 us, is 2 find peace in the NOW, not "after I do this or accomplish that, after I hook up with him or her, I'll be happy." We look all around us but never where it truly comes from - within. And now.

take care,
-ol' 2long

Pink, I asked this question yesterday and I'd really like to hear your response.

I just don't understand how we as BS can not be a person to you guys. How you guys can not give us a second thought? When there are children involved are they not "real" either?

And I'm sorry but it takes two, and it's not always the WS doing the asking/inviting. But it doesn't matter who initiated it, you both are grown adults and know how to say no and right from right, correct?

LHC- What a hot topic you have started. I hope that you have read the posts and are able to learn from them. Nothing GOOD can come from an affair.

Pink- I've not read your previous posts so I'm not sure what your particular situation is. What I have gathered from this post this is your husbands third marriage?? I don't believe that came from you but you didn't deny it so I will believe that is the truth. The stats say that a first marriage has a 50/50 chance of divorce. The second marriage... third marriage... and so on, the chances of divorce are greatly increased. Simply because if you couldn't make the first marriage work how are you going to make the others work?

I'm not sure why you have started posting here if your marriage is so "good". Most people seek this site in support when something is wrong with their marriage. You stated that you h does not have any children with his x and they have been divorced since 12/01... yet he still communicates with her. What for???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She contacts H occasionally to share goings-on. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are divorced and seem to have no ties... there should be no reason for them to communicate. You might need to be concerned that h is having an A with his x.

I have no respect for the OP. All marriages have problems and everyone can be vulunerable to having an A. However... if the OP had any respect for themselves or others they would RUN... RUN as FAST as they can from a MP. No good can come from an A. It only causes pain.

From what I read you have been talking to your pastor. I hope that you have asked God for His forgivness in your role in the break up of your h last marriage. The bible clearly states that God HATES Divorce... you should read Proverbs 5 and 7 and what it says about the OP.

Pink I will pray for you that your current marriage will be the one to work out. I hope that your husband doesn't cause you the same pain the he caused his other wife(ves?) You definitely have your work cut out for you.

Pink I hope we didn't scare you off. But realize that is a site with several BS's and feelings are usually very raw.

I do like to hear the other side but when they come across with this holier than thou attitude and they (you) are the victims that really hits a cord with several people. You BOTH had a choice.

Just remember where your at as I am sure it goes the other way on the other site you visit.

much wisdom here from the usual people

One obvious question (for PinkPaige) though:

What are you doing on a site called MarriageBuilders in the first place?

Are you concerned about what might happen to your (new) marriage, or remorseful about what you (and your H) did to his old one?