Maybe I should be posting on recovering, but its probably too soon. After 6 months of living on his own (to continue A), WH has moved back home. Just two weeks ago, he was on his way over to tell me that it was over and that he was not coming back. But when he arrived, he said "you really don't want me like this. You and the kids deserve better." I said that we deserved him.

We agreed that the only chance we had was to relocate. He agreed to come back. He gave his notice at his job the next day (OW works in same office). It's been two weeks, filled mostly with moving back home, finishing things at the office and getting our house ready to move.

Although things have been good, he is very nervous now that he "still doesn't have any feelings." I said it was still very soon and mentioned the MB program (not by name). He was a little irritated since "programs deal with the little issues, but can't change feelings."

I know that I am dealing with withdrawal, but it seems to be gettting him down. I think he figured one big night with me and all those "in-love" feelings would be back.

I'm trying to convince him to talk to SH. He's afraid since he thinks that the 2 counselors we saw (a couple days after dday and when he really wanted to leave)only convinced him to move out. I realize that SH is more focussed and all about marriage building.

I believe that this is our chance to start fresh (away from OW) and rebuild our marriage. WH is nervous that in 3 or so months he still won't have "feelings, and then what?". On the other hand, he has done everything to put us and our family on the right track and in the right direction. He quit his job, wants to relocate, told kids, my family, his family etc.

I just can't help but be a bit nervous even though I know that time (and work on our part) will get us the love and marriage we want.

Any thoughts? Am I crazy to agree to move the family to start fresh. He originally said that once he quits job and we are settled he will agree to any program I want. But now in withdrawal he is more skepitcal of any couseling/program.

FE, No I don't think you are crazy at all to move with your family. Its about your only hope. However, your H is in a dangerous place right now and unless he understands what happens in withdrawal and believes there is a future with you, he is likely to vacillate or bolt.

I would call up Steve Harley and start counseling with or without your H. Maybe SH can get him on the phone, he has done this in the past. I just know that you need to do something NOW, FE.

Everything he is feeling is a normal, natural part of withdrawal. I wonder if you printed up the saga of SDK [?] and showed it to him if it would help?

[anyone have a link to that thread?]

ML,

I just made an appointment with SH and will be able to talk to him tomorrow (what luck!). I don't think I will be able to get WH to get on the line. I could go home during the day (WH will be home) and take the call there and maybe hope for the best. Not sure.

WH seemed more up today, although he usually is in the am. I imagine that today will be "touch and go" as it is his last day and he will be at same office as OW today (there are two offices).

We are planning a special dinner for his last day at work. I have to remember, however, not to push him too fast. It's safe to say that SF is his #1 EN and while he was more receptive to SF within first week of recovery, he is more guarded now. He mentioned that its weird that after all this time, now I am more into SF. So I think he is a bit uncomfortable, so to speak. So lately I have just focussed on giving him backrubs and extra attention (his #2 ENS--he likes attention and touch).

FE, I wouldn't even try to get him on the phone with SH tomorrow, that might push him away. I think it would be a good idea to talk to SH and see what his suggestions are. Often he has ideas on how to invite the WS into counseling. Good luck!

What good news. Be sure to give him lots of admiration too. Men usually like that.

His feelings will come back. Just hang in there.