About a year ago my 6 year old son found my wifes masterbation aid under her bed. He asked me what it was and I non-chelontly said I didn't know. I brought it to my wife and said that Billy had found it. I said not to be embarrassed. I sometimes Masterbate too. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but she should put it someplace more secure. She was very upset (embarrassed I think) and denied using it EVER. She said she got it as a gag gift and never got rid of it. Well here is the part that drives me nuts. Since there was obvious evidence that it had been used, I said. "What-ever, but you don't have to be embarassed, in fact it's kinda sexy. I do it too sometime, maybe we could do something together" Well she got mad cuz she insisted that she never used it EVER. She said "I swear to god", and on and on, she was very convincing. The problem is there is no doubt that she used it because of the "evedence" on it, and she used the same terms when she told me she didn't have an affair. The same "swear to god", I would tell you the truth etc etc. Now she still has it and swears that she doen't use it. I feel like a nosey paranoid jerk, cuz I check it from time to time and can tell when its been used. I asked it we could use it together and she said that she doesn't like "those things", but she keeps using it. It drives me nuts that she lies about it, and I don't like it that she "prefers" it to me. When I masterbate it is because she has refused me or is not available to me. Its never instead of her.

She has lied about other things which complicates this. She told me she threw away all the love letters etc from her old flame, but I checked and they are still hidden away. I didn't ask her to throw them out, but she told me that she did.

She lied to me about how many lovers she had prior to marrige. I didn't ask, she just told me there was only one. But I found out later that there were more. She had continued this lie from time to time remindng me of my "sorid past" compared to her almost verginal history. She doesn't know that I know the truth. It's not the "number" that drives me nuts, it's the lying!!

I feel like I can not belive anything she tells me if it involves, our marrage or anything of an intimate nature. It really drives a wedge I think, but she refuses to talk about it!

BS 39
WW 41 EA
dday b/4 PA
2 boys 10 & 6

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 09:29 AM: Message edited by: Luckyguy ]</small>

First of all - that she leave the "evidence" on it is kinda scary. I know she denies using it, but if she doesn't clean it off, she could get ill from it. Ick. (have her watch the Sunday Night Sex Show or goto SNSS ) Sue has a way of putting these issues into a very no-nonsense format.

Your wife sounds like she wants to be a "good girl" in your eyes - nothing wrong with that, except it's killing your image of her with the lying. Past is past...she needs to understand that....BUT it sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

- Kimmy

OK..if we leave out the initial side splitting humor of getting caught with your toys [time for the kiddies to learn not to fish around in mom and dads room!]..There is something here that concerns me. Your wife seems to be unable or unwilling to embrace her sexuality without a fantasy element. She is living her life without integrity..a "good girl" in one part of her life..a..something else, who knows what..hard to get into her mind in the other. This is cause for alarm..serious red flags waving around. I advise you to seek help immediately..it has already resulted in one affair and she is likely to continue her spiral until she resolves it. Anything regarding your wifes sex life is in my opinion entirely your buisiness..so don't feel nosey. The lying is worrisome as well..trying to maintain a lie with wide eyes and declarations when you have obviously been busted makes me question her mental health..please do seek help..it's more than masturbation---Noodle

I don't think she kept it lying on the floor under the bed. I think she used it and didn't get a chance to clean it and put it away, may be I came in or home. Then she maybe forgot about it. Thats why there is evidence. I don't want you to think she is a pig!

But that's not the question. The question Kimmi, is should I feel as hurt as I do? Or am I being a baby? Should I tell her I know about the lies, or just play along?

Noodle, you miss interpeted something I said. (I do not express myself as well as you do). I do not know of any infidelity by my wife. Ii was suspicious and she denied it. The problem for me was she denied it in the same way, with the same viggor as she denied the masterbation. Hence, I worry that because she lied about one, she MAY be lying about the other.

Do you still think i should confront her about something so personal as masterbation? I feel like such a jerk in that I even chec up on her. But I can't help it. When I suspect a lie I have to check it out and I am ussually right!

Lies hurt. Period.

I don't think she's a pig...I DO think she has a little growing up to do in terms of sex...

Performing dark rituals to appease the entities who seem intent on foiling my posts today....

OK..lets just take a moment and enjoy the side splitter of being outed in regard to your toys when your kids drag them out..time for the kiddies to cease fishing about in mom and dads room! Helpfull hint : a nightstand with a locking door of some sort may be just the thing. Or a trunk..depending on how much space you anticipate needing!

Now onto the serious part..
It concerns me that your wife seems to have no willingness or ability to enjoy sex outside of a fantasy scenario. This is sending up some red flags. There is a lack of integrity somewhere in her person..not so much integrity in the sunday school sense..but integrity in the structural sense..as in she will not be able to hold this double existance together forever. It is also troubling that she is taking a wide eyed approach full of protestations when she has obviously been busted in a lie. She has already had one affair and as much as I hate to say it..she sounds ripe for the taking to anyone who is willing to indulge her fantasy. Please seek help immediately..right away..this minute..her responses are odd and make me suspect mental illness. Now, I may be way overstepping..but based solely on what you have posted I can't think otherwise..good luck to you and yours--noodle

Lies really bother me too. With me the lie is always much worse than the action.

As far as the toy, why don't you just bring it out some night when the mood is right and you are messing around, then play around with it a bit. Be very nonchalant and playful about it. She might have an easier time if she doesn't feel pressured to talk about it when you aren't having SF.

oh sure...now my old post shows up! Just in time not to make any sense. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yes, I did misunderstand..I had thought there was a previous A..well then, that changes everything. [shuffles off in a confused huff mumbling about "that dread machine"] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I sure wouldn't pressure her about the masterbation thing. For some people that is an extremely private thing.

One question; what makes you think that she prefers the toy to you? I know plenty of women who have toys and like to play with them, but not a one claims the toy is better than the real thing.

Then again, we men don't vibrate at 3600 rpm... but if you get enough coffee into us we can come real close. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

dewt

I have done what weaver said. I got it out on my birthday and said that i wanted to play with it a little bit. She got weird and said "no i really don't like those things"

She used it then a few more times and then again last night. I got home late. I feel like such a paranoid snoop. But I can't for the life of me figure out why she lies about it. SHe could just say its private, and none of my business, I would handle that better.

She had a internet type relationship with another man about 1 1/2 years ago. There were plenty of lies then. I put some spy softwhere on the comp and was reading every word. I kept saying that those internet relationships can get out of hand, but she kept saying that it was "petering out", and they were just friends. They didn't cyber, but I blew the lid off when he wanted to meet her "just once I want to hold you in my arms, I'll get a room, there will be no pressure, I just need to meet you to kiss you, to hear you lauph and see you smile" BLA BLA BLA. She denied that to, right up to the moment I showed her the printout of her words. Well there weren't supposed to be ANY MORE LIES after that. I suppose that's why it's such a big deal to me.

I wouldn't pressure her on the masturbation thing either. In fact in my own house I encouraged WW to do that before. Even got her toys. She always denied using them, except infrequently sometimes when we made love. The old days...LOL.

But she is not using them in private. She is using them with OM on the phone now. I don't care for that at all. If that is what you suspect I can fully understand why you are upset. If you don't suspect that, I wouldn't worry.

I didn't really suspect that....but I suppose it is possible. I know it wasn't your intent, but now I can stew about that too.