It is now been over 4 months since WW supposedly told you the story of what happened. During this very trying time, my pain at what WW had done and is doing was only compounded by the utter and complete silence coming from both of you. I assumed it was due to shame or embarassment over the adulterous actions of what WW is doing. But over time, I can only reason that one ,you simply don't care about your daughter's marriage and your son-in-law or two ,that WW did not and is still not telling you the truth. Your inaction leads me to believe that it is a combination of both.

You should be ashamed of your behavior. Maybe that is where your daughter gets hers.

Dear Cy,

You are jumping to conclusions and giving many hurtful and DJ statements. Whoa, even if they have a ring of truth to it, work it so that their stance is acknowledged by their own words.

I can see you are hurt, frustrated, disappointed and angry. Don't assume they are supporting the A. Some parents just don't know how to stand up and tell her she is wrong.

You want to try that letter again? Learn to use other words which have the impact you desired but with being less blunt. ex: use the word enable or pressure. Ask questions instead of making statements. Let us know if you want us to help at another version.

L.

Orchid,

You response is the reason that I posted here before sending the email. I know that I can have a particular cutting talent with prose, but if you or anyone else can do a Hollywood rewrite, I would be most grateful.

That's why I love and respect all of you souls out there

I'm glad to see Orchid posted to you. I posted a message, but for some reason, it didn't show up.

My main point was, what is it you want for a future relationship with your wife's parents? If your hope is that the mariiage is rebuilt, I would not alienate the parents in any way. I also agree with Orchid....a lot of assumptions in your letter. When rewriting it, keep in mind what you want in the future.

Michele

MicheleD,

Thanks to you also. I am just in a very angry and probably self-destructive mood for the last two weeks. I am afraid I am borrowing one of the WS tricks, instead of trying to continue the effort needed in rebuilding, I'll just blow it to smithereens.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca:
<strong> It is now been over 4 months since WW supposedly told you the story of what happened. During this very trying time, my pain at what WW had done and is doing was only compounded by the utter and complete silence coming from both of you. I assumed it was due to shame or embarassment over the adulterous actions of what WW is doing. But over time, I can only reason that one ,you simply don't care about your daughter's marriage and your son-in-law or two ,that WW did not and is still not telling you the truth. Your inaction leads me to believe that it is a combination of both.

You should be ashamed of your behavior. Maybe that is where your daughter gets hers. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, here's my version, remember I am only going by the info you put in the letter and my take from what you posted:

Dear Ws' parents,

It is with a heavy hand and heart that I write this letter. As you know, WS and I have been having some problems. Not sure how much you are aware but WS has been seeing 'other men'. This has been hurtful to our family and even though I love your daughter/my wife very much, the pain of her affair is getting difficult for the family to handle.

I am working on improving myself and our family. The children and I are working together. We are having a difficult time when WS flaunts her affair in our faces by her conduct and disrespectful treatment of our family and friends.

From one parent to another, I know that if my children were acting in such a disrespectful manner, I would hope others would be kind enough to inform me so that as a parent, I can help my child turn around and not continue going down such a destructive path.

I hope you don't want to enable any affair. My family and I are working with counselor's to not allow WS to manipulate us into enabling the affair either. It is very hard. We love WS sooo much but the daily pressure of berating, ranting, threats and backstabbing attacks are very very hard to take.

Please let me know what you can do to help Ws and our family end this awful affair. The other men she has been dealing with are encouraging her to take whatever she can and run away with them. There are even some women encouraging her to do the same. Seems like she has found others who like this lifestyle.

Not sure if these same people are scamming others (ie: other relatives, co-workers, friends and neighbors) along the way. I certainly don't want others to get sucked into these hurtful schemes.

It could be snowballing, I am not sure. What I do know is that the woman I married and loved has turned into a very angry and hurtful person.

Your support, help and respect for my decisions on how to remedy this situation is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Cymanca

Well that's my take. I am sure you can do better. You have a knack for writing but I feel that this letter is a bit too close to home and has made you feel a bit inadequate. Far from it. I know you can do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now I have to go do some homework. Guess working for 19+ years in the same business, I have lost my touch on how to do interviews (or so my company thinks - LOL!!!) This 'ol gal has some homework to do on brushing up the old resume. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

take care,
L.

Orchid,

Thanks for the sample letter. We do not have children so it will take some modification but I like the tone and some of the phrasing.

Many Thanks

Still present your situation as a family unit. Even though you don't have children. You still have a life that belongs to a family (home, pet, friends, lifestyle, relatives, etc.). The only thing missing c/b dirty diapers, crying kids, spending your time and $$ at video gaming stores, Toysrus, etc. Let us know if you want to try out a few kids, I am sure we can loan you ours for a while. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, present yourself as a family unit. Put the spin that you don't have all the info and there maybe other OPs. Notice how I even brought the point that others are helping her have an A?

When I finally learned how to approach my WS on various subjects, I asked if he was bi. He denied it but then again he denied he was having an A. So on that premise, I just said stuff like, well 'I don't know.....'. I put doubt in his mind and made him wonder what I was wondering. Then he had to put effort into convincing me he wasn't bi. I knew he wasn't but hey, when the fog hits, you never know what our spouses can morph into. So if you put those questions out there, your in-laws may wonder and ask her also. More pressure on the A without you being in the firing line. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.