Thanks so much for pointing your thread out to me. We actually seem to be in remarkably similiar situations except for our actual LB's themselves.

Can I ask you? How hopeful do you feel? I know that your hope cannot be mine--I have my own answers to find. Your thread was uplifting in some ways, but also discouraging in others. Just wondering how *you* are dealing with things. You must believe there is a chance for y'all or you wouldn't keep going! It is only this site and the counseling that makes you feel that there is a chance? Or is it actions by yourself/husband?

Oh no, I posted to wrong thread. Sorry

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

well, it's a bunch a stuff that i will explain later, just wanted you to know i got this message but i have my session w/SH in about 20minutes and don't want to miss it!

prayers to you, RR

okay my session is over.

Basically, I guess I look at the situation in terms of a scale w/one side being the negatives and the other side being the positives. So when I judge at how I feel and/or how hopeful I am I just refer to that scale. I also have small mindset where I always expect the worse and that way I’m prepared. I’ve had to many incidents already that my H has caught be off guard so I feel the attitude of hope for the best prepare for the worst is really the way to go. I’m not really listing these in order but the other very strong, most important factor is God. He can do anything and is in the answering prayer business. I just know the true miracle he has worked in my heart through all this to bring me back to him and to be the person he would have me to be. I wasn’t a horrible wife but I certainly wasn’t a great wife. Even though I was faithful I did not treat my H the way that I should have and now I know what can happen when you’re not the wife the Bible tells us we should be. I was under the belief system that no matter what I did or how I treated my H that he would always be there that he would never leave me. Of course I was very very wrong. So if God can work a miracle in my heart and can work miracles in other marriages then I have to believe he can do the same for my H and for our M.

Another component would be that my H and our house (and the OW) are in a no-fault state. So if my H were to file there’s nothing I can do to stop it, I can slow it down and/or I can do things to not help it along but I can’t stop it. So that’s something I kind of use to guide my decisions, in that’s why I have to do everything in my power in the interim to chip away at the walls that my H has built around himself. I’m trying to sell him on the idea that our M can be safe and attractive, that he can be in love w/me again, and that he can be happy w/me. That’s a real tough piece of real estate to sell when he is just so happy w/OW and is basically being supported by the OW’s family and his own family, not to mention all his friends, etc.

I am almost 100% sure I will never be able to go to plan B and SH agrees w/me on that. So what else do I do? I need to either file for D and move on or keep doing what I’m doing. I prefer to keep doing what I’m doing because I feel my M is worth it and I’m convinced I need to let God do his will in all of this. As well as the statistics and people here, SH, and a few other select people that tell me that it is only a matter of time before their R falls apart. If that’s the case how can I do anything any different?

I don’t know if I really answered your question. But basically I do have a lot of hope but it is a guarded hope and SH definitely helps me, this site helps me and most importantly God helps me to know that it would be his desire for me and my H to be the husband and wife he wants us to be and I just have to give him the chance to work on my H. because I am confident once given the opportunity we can have a better marriage then ever and if give then chance by my H he will truly understand how much I’ve changed and that I can be the wife he needs me to be. Continued strength and prayers to you, RR