Nurse here, reporting for duty...

FM, I would indeed be concerned about the Aleve incident. This med has no real sedative qualities (it is like Tylenol/Motrin) and wouldn't put her "out". This amount of medication can damage her liver and kidneys. She really should at least CALL her dr.'s office to see if she should have some bloodwoork to check her liver and kidneys ASAP.

I worry that this was indeed a feeble suicide attempt, or at leasy very nearly. This med should only be taken once or twice a day. I have seen plenty of teens that have taken overdoses of normally harmless meds in an effort to kill themselves. This may have been a cry for help. If she is having trouble sleeping, maybe she can try non-medication options: hot bath with aromatherapy, brisk walk (together) after dinner, professional massage once a week for a month, etc.

Don't take this lightly, FM, OK?

Did she reschedule her IC appt.? Does she say she's less depressed this week? It should be starting to ease up now.

See that's why I love this place.
WAID you're absolutely right! I am not taking this lightly. She is feeling alot less depressed this week, I'm assuming of her guilt came to a head last week. My mother had a convo with my W last week, I didnt pry until today lol. Mom says W was feeling very worthless, guilty and dirty inside. Its nice to know her reasons for separating herself from me was NOT ME. Now I need to help her feel secure and realize with no uncertainty that I can forgive her.

Thanks for all your help. I'm in full plan A mode and with my "Giver" working I should be okay...I hope.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm in no way to give advice. However, I can minimally: Keep your head up, arms out, and heart open. Good luck, FM! Hope all is well with AM.

FamilyMatters – As usual you are doing a wonderful job.

My H also took a lot of tablets at one point. It wasn’t to kill himself, just to escape into oblivion and away from the pain. He said that as he did it, he just didn’t care about anything anymore. It was like being in a trance as he calmly popped them into his mouth. Luckily I knew half hour after he’d done it and insisted he go to the hospital. He resisted, but it was one time I had to forget about LBing and force him to go for his own good. I then took him to the Doctors and made him tell the whole story and he got antidepressants.

This is one area where you need to be assertive in your caretaking. She can’t look after herself and needs you desperately to take the lead. Be loving, but firm. If she is leaning on you at this time, then that is great. You can really show her that you can and will be her rock.

You are right not to take this personally. It really is all about her and her own demons. You’re doing so well FM, in your approach and attitude. I really have high hopes for you.

The depression is subsiding but of course the GUILT is still very heavy. Here are some of the comments my W made just yesterday:

I told her I was happy to have my friend back she responded:
"Your friend has been bad, she has really screwed up!"

I responded everyone makes mistakes...everyone..
she replied
"Yes but I made HUGE mistakes, I'm not supposed to make such huge mistakes. I never thought I was the type of person to make huge mistakes like this! I hate being human."

Tonight I will prepare a dinner for 2 and 2. That means one dinner for the children and one dinner for my wife including a favorite movie of hers. My friend needs reassurance and little gestures that their is life after an A. She is not ready to fillout the EN questionnaire, though she has agreed to do so in time. I cannot push the recovery and that's the hardest part. I'm beginning to understand how much of a toll this A and my uncovering it has taken on her self-esteem. One big LB and it would all go down the tubes, I think her self-image would totally disintegrate with ONE unkind word from my TAKER.
This site is extremely valuable, the DO NOTS are just as important as the DO's. I hope you folks get my drift.

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

FM--please let us know how AM is doing.

This is an area I actually *may* be able to offer some advice.

My wife (several years ago now) had a nervous breakdown. All the signs were there, but neither one of us had a f#$%ing clue. She did always say that "I never feel whole. I don't feel like a person.") Etc. Depression. Get her help, and now! I don't know your full 411 and marriage details, and I certainly know that we are in different situations, but it *is* something deeper. And it's not *you* (although, from reading your posts, I think you have that understanding now.)

My wife is so much stronger now, from her understanding of "everything" and four years of counseling.

I'm at that stage now. Two years of half-hearted couseling from a GA expert--I'm now ready for the real thing, so to speak.

I am very scared of what's going to be turned up to the surface--my GA counselor started digging--that's when I stopped completely gambling for a good 8 months (and stopped with my counseling. (I guess now I'm realizing, that in a very warped sort of way, I was avoiding that. But I stopped gambling!) But I know there are issues that are just waiting to come out. I thought it was about the gambling, but I know it's even deeper than that.

Got sidetracked--sorry--my point being, she needs professional counseling and now. Don't take what may come up personally. It's obviously deeper than her A. What the real reason for her A will, I'm sure, be identified.

How, is a question I don't know what is best in your situation. Just somehow.

I admire you, FM. You are a strong man and obviously love your wife very deeply. Good luck, friend.

Liny
I'm continuing to stress MC, its such a fragile time at the moment she seems like glass. I am trying to be supportive but also aid her to understand counseling is in her best interest. I will revisit this issue with her in a few days. She has agreed to being proactive about these challenges in the near future, but not this moment. I see her as being emotionally spent and needing a break from the turmoil. Don't worry I aim to do everything I can to support her in this process, and I also understand IC for both of us a needed element.

Thanks for your kind words and optimism. I'm finally understanding the depth of the whole A issue and not reacting on my instinct has helped me keep from LBing our M right out the window.

FM,

I read another posting of yours that you have been in Plan A for over a year and I really appreciate reading that. Guidelines are important, but I think everyone is individual.

When I started Plan A, I didn't think I could do two months; I am now in my fifth month with a strong Plan A and few LB's. I have a limit, but like you, I hope to stay as long as I possibly can and IC agrees with this. IC feels that if we went to Plan B that it would hold little chance for recon--no kids and stubborn, proud WH.
IC stated that when I am ready to go to Plan B, we will activate it immediately. Some days I say, I am going now--but then I calm down and come here to vent. Whewwwwwwwwwww.

In recent weeks, I see WH feels a little safer to express himself--which means I had to regain his trust. I feel sure I LB'd him big time in old M--like a friend should not do. I think it is a good sign your W admitted her mistake to you--she must have also felt safe. Good for you that you created that positive environment.

I also liked your advice to focus on yourself. I am in a fitness program and that has been a plus for me. I, like you, focus on me--it passes the time and eases the tension while we hoping fog to lift. The best benefits is I am focusing on my communications with people, family and God (the best part). Some days, WH allows me to fill EN's--this past weekend just a little for recreation.

Last night, I went to bed before WH. I dreamt that he and OW were downstairs together in our house. I woke up and went into other room. WH was still up and asked why I woke up. I told him I had a bad dream--he said about what--I said, I dreamt an intruder was in the house. He said, "oh wow." He came to bed and I couldn't sleep. For the first time in months, he reassured me and said, "go to sleep, no one else here now." If I can stay with Plan A until the fog lifts, maybe someday he will mean that in our M.

Thanks FM and hang in there. I'm pulling for you.

SS

I need to clarify that since I was not following all of the MB principles that I was not in a TRUE PLAN A...though I compare my actions to the guidelines of Plan A it was not a Real Plan A.

I'm a little confused about the differences, but there are differences. I'm glad my story helps, but I'm not out of the woods and unless I get more info. there's a high-possibility she might go right back.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It's scary and painful to face the truth, but it is the truth.

FamilyM:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told her I was happy to have my friend back she responded:
"Your friend has been bad, she has really screwed up!"

I responded everyone makes mistakes...everyone..
she replied
"Yes but I made HUGE mistakes, I'm not supposed to make such huge mistakes. I never thought I was the type of person to make huge mistakes like this! I hate being human."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like my FWW. She even asked me how I can still love her. I must forwarn you though, even though she is coming back, the OM will still be in her mind. Even tonight, my FWW said she still thinks of the OM and it has been 4 months or so. Fantasy love is tough to forget even after the pain and suffering.

Keep working with her. You are in the beginning of recovery.

FamilyM:

Speaking of the truth, it is hard to accept that your wife, or what you thought was a loyal wife, would fall in love with another man. It will be hard to look at her the same way from this point forward. You can forgive but it doesn't go away, especially since they fade in and out of the loving but fog state during recovery. The roller coaster ride is now just beginning. Even when you think you are home free, they will remind you that they can and will leave in a heart beat. It is part of their justification of why they were untrustworthy and unloyal. They hang on tight to blaming the spouse to help them cope with their infidelity.

Hang tough and strong because the tough survive and the weak fall.

You are so right. I thought this was over and dealt with a yeat ago. Silly me! She told me over a year ago that she bumped into him at a mall and I really didn't think anything about it. I guess it was my ego talking, NO I'm sure it was my ego talking. I should have done something then, but me being a guy who would call himself Family Matters..lol...I thought the power of family and the life we could have together was enough. BOY was I wrong!

So here we are people. Today is another challenge and all I can do is be strong, try not to think about the betrayal, but this ELEPHANT is sitting in every room eating peanuts and swinging his trunk disheveling our photgraphs, and bumping the furniture out of place. This is a very sobering experience to say the least.

The A is always with us, for instance:
I ran to the store to pick up somethings for dinner and I left my D (13) in charge of our S (6) when I came home it was obvious someone had been in the master bedroom because the door was locked. I questioned my D who summarily came up with some extravagant story which I saw through immediately. After 10 mintues of cross-examination my D finally admitted to going in my bedroom to use the phone or something and accidentally locked the door. When my W came home I told her of the scenario and I had to LB of course..
"I'm tired of being lied to!"
"Ohh" and she walked away.

Ouch! I didn't mean you, I wanted to say, but the moment was over. It was too late to take back. I think she can handle that, at least I hope she can. You never know, any little thing I do might send her back reeling into FogLand. Can you say eggshells? I wanted to rent/buy a movie but the fear of it containing something to do with A's is too probable and we all know anything about Romance or A's puts that big ole funky Elephant back in the room.

I dare not express my disdain for her A anytime soon, hey I'm just her H right? I'm keeping my mind on the big picture and the big picture has me not reacting on instinct and making it through the small picture...hey lets not even talk about the small picture cuz' it aint purty lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm hanging in there folks, I can do this lol

FamilyM:

My mind continues to wander what my FWW did that she won't admit to. She claims it was only an EA but I have always wondered if sex was involved. I think if it happened, she will take it to her grave. I figured she lied about everything else for month after month, why wouldn't she lie about having sex or not.

I have tried to trap her in her words but she is 1000% protecting that part or she didn't have sex. Pre-Affair, I would have believed anything she said about any issue but post-affair, I question her words, motives, and her actions.

My family and my marriage matters to me too. It did before and it will in the future. I don't feel as close to my wife or as trusting of my wife post-affair. I am planning on making the M work, but what a shame for all of us BS's.

I haven't posted a reply on this thread yet. You've been there for me so many different times when I was going through this type stuff and was ready to pull my hair out. Let me tell you a few things.

1. I'm thrilled for you... these are good things that are happening. Keep the giver in charge of things. Coach yourself if you have to. I've never talked to myself as much as I have this past year. (I even answer myself.)

2. Don't worry if you're in a "real plan A." I came to the conclusion there's no such thing. Stick to the principles, but it will flesh out differently in every situation. You don't need the added pressure of trying to make your recovery or plan a fit the molds.

3. You've been so focused on getting her home and keeping her that you've not really focused on the way you feel. Up till now you've put all your energy, thoughts and prayers towards holding it all together and now that she's there, it's so tempting to become angry. Angry about the loss, hurt, pain that the A caused. Don't fall prey to this!!!!
Your wife is in a very fragile state, stay strong, play it cool. All the answers that you want won't change anything anyway. I know this for a fact! There were a 1000 questions I wanted to ask my wife that I thought I had to know to somehow make me fully understand. There is no understanding insanity. That's what an A is, insanity. To wad up and throw away a marriage, family, home, security, trust and love to chase after some fantasy driven relationship that is doomed to failure.

4. Just love her at her speed. Somedays she'll need you close.... so be close. Somedays she'll need you at a distance.... so be at a distance. But all the while show love and forgiveness and acceptance. Don't become frustrated because you don't see things changing or recovering because you guys aren't "working through it, or talking it out all the time." I promise you there is a 24/7 counselling session going on in her head and her heart all the time. The things that you've shared taht she has said show that. "You're friend messed up big," "I made huge mistakes." She's thinking about it all the time. Don't worry if she doesn't always verbalize it. This is where I really messed up with my recovery. I grossly underestimated the mental anguish that my wife was going through; all because I couldn't see it or hear it outloud.

5. The small things almost mean more to her right now than the big things. One of the biggest things that my W has commented on is so small. She knows I love her blond hair (it really is gorgeous), well, she wanted to dye it red or black, (to change herself...). I wasn't crazy about it at all. But, she went out and bought some hair coloring kit and believe it or not... I climbed into the tub and helped her with it! I was hating it, but, I love her, and I figured it was something that she just really wanted. Well, long story short... the hair color didn't take and it's as blond as it ever was today... hallelujah. But, the point is, to me it was small but she mentioned how it impressed her that I would do that for her. Wow!

6. Hang in there. You're the man! You're doing a great job. She'll wake up one day and love you more than she ever could before, because her man stuck by her and loved her thorough her most unlovely time and saw the M through. Your wife is blessed to have you as a husband and your kids are blessed to have a daddy like you. Way to go for fighting for what's important!

God Bless You.

Out!

Too Soon:
Please, Please, Please (in my best James Brown voice) Do not focus on her actions during the supposed EA, believe me YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW at least not now. You think you want to know if it was a PA or an EA but you don't. If you continue to probe and question you will only plunge her further into guilt. I believe my W was actually in a PA with her ex, but then again I could be wrong, but I have a strong feeling, but I have my doubts...Crazy isn't it. The bottom line is we are where we are. We must be bigger than our emotions. There are no words to ease this pain, no divine conclusions to deaden the sting so I CHOSE to say "Pain is Pain" regardless to how I define her R with OM. I have not read any books by the great Dr. Harley (I plan to do though, however I have consumed everything on this site at least 3 times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). IMVHO I need to hold onto something that justifies my fortitude and right now if she was to confess she was sleeping with the OM during this whole year of reconciliation I'm not sure if I could perservere. So, by all means hold onto the positive thoughts you have, realizing EA/PA whats the difference? Though there's a fine line and a degree of separation it's somewhat transparent. My W lied to see him, in fact in their last meeting that I have knowledge of where she attended OM's family function she questioned me on how she looked before she left. Can you imagine that? She actually was getting dressed and was asking me did she look okay, I had no idea she was going to spend time with OM while I watched our children and waited for her return. WOW! Let it go for now, swallow it, I know it TASTES real bad and threatens to vacate your stomach at any moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If I make it through this sitch my W will be my W for many years to come (hopefully) and any measely, tiny, microscopic moments that she spent with OM will pale dramatically to the quality, sincere, honest, ecstacy driven, loving, happy, vindicating, exuberant, honorable, admirable moments my W and I will share.

Is that RATIONALIZING? YES!
Should I be RATIONALIZING? WHO KNOWS!
Will I continue to RATIONALIZE? YES, I'll do anything to get thru the and if I must rationalize details of her A to keep my mind on the bigger picture, so be it. We have a family to save, a M to recover and that's my motivation.

Running:
Thanks for responding friend, yes we are all in a elite fraternity complete with stripes for valor and courage. I'm glad to see you're hanging in there as well! I love Richard Pryor! I have a copy of one of his old stand ups and I'd like to share a few lines regarding Infidelity:

"You ever get your heart broke?
Men don't graduate until a women has broken your heart.
That is your diploma.
It either kills you or makes you fat!
Women cry!
Men hold it in like it don't hurt walk outside and get hit by trucks!
Hey didn't he see that truck?
Mannnnnn,
....he wouldn't have seen a 747 cuz his heart was broke!"

I love that spiel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Back to business: Yes RWS, all your points are on target and I am focusing as best I can without trying to rush the process. If it were up to me we'd be knee deep in the attic digging for solutions, we'd be scavenging the closets looking for explanations, solutions and remedies...but this is not up to me, it is up to US. All things in due time, I suppose. I understand now that my urge to seek out details into her psyche to somehow understand exactly what she's thinking will only catapult her into another bout of withdrawal or at least more guilt for her actions. After the new car smell wore off at the beginning of our first reconciliation, I selfishly indulged in expelling my feelings regarding her A. Ohh I was a handful with the how could you's, the you chose him over me's and the what the hecks were you thinkings....ALL OF WHICH WERE CLASS A LB'S THAT AIDED IN THE A'S CONTINUATION. I know better now.

There are times when she wants to share tiny spaces of her turmoil truths, the struggle is accepting though they seem tiny, almost microscopic to me they are in fact GARGANTULAN to her. The Art of Listening is important paramount and maybe it's not just what she says but her tonation, body language and just as important, it's what she doesn't say. I am learning. I have always been a great talker, hey RWS I can really talk, really I can, but listening I mean really listening where I can decipher my W's code is the truest test of my faculities.

Yesterday the W was in a great mood! She was all smiles and upbeat, buzzing with an electricity and positivity that hasn't been visible in over a month.
Did she speak to OM today?
I have no idea.
Is she feeling more and more comfy in her chocies to resume her place as my W?
GOD I hope so.

I could draw my own conclusions, but they'd probably be wrong so resign to just be satisfied and happy that she seems happy and let GOD handle what I cannot. I hope as she grows more comfortable she will share her feelings and begin to put me more at ease so I do not assume too much. I have a feeling even if she told me she spent all day reflecting on how lucky she is to have woke up and chosen our M that parts of me would question her sincerity, and I don't think trust is will return swiftly, but on its own time as most things do.

Tiny things? Yes! I am foregoing the grandiose shows of affection (Perfomance Enhancement Drugs) and instead opting for wholesome organic supplements (fruits, veggies, grains) in the hope of nourishing the tired muscles of our M and bond. I'm no hero. I'm just stubborn and thick-headed! Imagine that? When applied correctly the most flagrant of my LB's actually are the glue that is holding together what's left of our M? Okay I'm going to stop now before I implode from analogy overload <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Todays Affirmation:
Focusing on the painful fact my W slept with another man = Alotta Tears and Anger
Focusing on things I can do to support our recovery and rebuild our M = Priceless

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

Question:
I know I shouldnt fall into a false sense of security, but I need motivation to keep my eyes/ears open. Are there any warning signs I should watch out for? I do not want a repeat of the past. I thought things were going in the right direction and then BAM.

Can a BS ever exhale and say,
"Okay time for recovery?

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>

FamilyMatters:

I woke up in the middle of the night last night like I have so many times in the past. My mind was wondering terribly and thinking the worst thoughts. I have been doing great for a couple of months and for some reason I just started thinking the worst again about my wife. Since january, FWW has maintained she has had no sex with the OM. She admits that it may have happened if the Affair continued but I caught her shortly after the Hugging, kissing, and the I love you's started.

She has maintained the same story with the same timelines regarding the sex questions I have had in the past with her. Some of her previous stories conflicted causing her to get caught in her lies but the sex question and answers remained the same everytime. Even in the middle of the night when she was awaken by my questions.

Dr. Harley said or I read it in one of the other books that in an EA, it is a longer period of time from the beginning of the Affair to the first kiss than it is from the first kiss to intercourse. These EA's start slow and build and it takes time to go from the best friend state to the declaring of their love for each other state. Once the words are said and acknowledged by both sides, the time period for intercourse is shrtened drastically.

In my Wife's case, I was lucky not to go out of town one more time because I am convinced they would have consumated their so called deep routed fantasy love for each other by having sex. The hugging kissing and I love you's happened in December and I discovered the relationship in January.

I do agree that if there was a PA that it doesn't change anything anyway because betrayal is betrayal with or without the sex.

Sorry I got carried away on your thread. Sometimes I read other people's story and it brings out the worst thoughts about my own case. Sometimes, I think I am better off to not even read MB but it has helped me cope with the pain more than any other thing I have done.

Too

[QUOTE]I'm just stubborn and thick-headed! Imagine that? Okay I'm going to stop now before I implode from analogy overload <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
/QUOTE]

I knew there was a reason why I was fond of you! (You *did* make the analogy with the dull dagger!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In the past few weeks, I think I've realized something: I will always be in the "fog" until I get professional help (which I *have* been seeking fro the past week.) What I mean is this: whether it's the EA/friendship with the OW, or gambling, or stuffing, or shutting down, or whatever, I will always be avoiding something. I guess this is a huge step for me 'cause I'm finally "getting" it. And maybe this is all because all I ever wanted was to be loved and understood. (An intricate defense mechanism, I must say.) And when my wife gave that to me, she realized she had no damn clue who she was. What a blow! And I--once again--avoided. So, I'm finding out that I'm not such the strong man I think I am or even you, FM, commented how I was.

I really have absolutely no clue of where I am going with this! I didn't mean to interupt your thread, FM. I guess--another irony about myself--is that I want to see success in everything, and you were one of the first ones to respond to me on MB--on the "opposite" side. And with compassion. (Ark brought the 2X4 that day.) And I just want to see things turn your way. (Oh--almost forgot about impatience. Don't **EVER** pray for patience! ('nother story, 'nother time!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Besides some self soul searching, maybe that's what I'm trying to say: maybe your marriage was not the best or whatever, but it was her choice and free will--nothing you did--that led to her A. And don't be surprised if alot of sh$% is gonna surface once she starts talking (either professionaly or just to FM.) (Thank God my wife and I started communicating again. It's a start--but we really don't know where to go from here (except for me to get some help.))

Always lurking to see how you are doing...if not advice (which I humbly say I am in very little position to say I have any authority to give), at least I can give some encouragement and maybe even a laugh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm truly pulling for you FM: the AM band: sure you can get more channels and from far distances, but the FM: clarity, stronger reception, quality. (I, too, love analogies!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"And LINY comes out of the bullpen from left field. He's sprinting to the infield. Oh my goodness! He's tripped! What's he doing John? I think he's counting the blades of grass out in left field. Can you believe this?!?"

TOO SOON
I identify with your pain and I have those moments where thoughts of FWW and OM in congress sweep over me. Is there anyway to forcibly get passed them? I doubt I can control my minds meandering from time to time. The passage of time and the accumulation of new happy memories will probably drown out the painful images that play in my head. I'm not an expert in MB principles, I'm just learning. I read things here and I realize I don't know ANYTHING at least not much of anything. Thank GOD I already know I love my wife and want my family to survive this, the rest is patch work and scrambling to fortify myself with the necessary tools to aid in recovery. TOO SOON, make some new memories with your FWW, that should help both of you. I'm pulling for you. You've come so far!! Don't let those demons snatch your soul, fight them, but realize you're only HUMAN brother. Your thoughts are to be expected it's how you ACT upon them that will be either positive or negative and right now it's not the thoughts you can control, but the way you deal with those thoughts. You're a good man TOO SOON, I'm sorry this had to happen to such a good guy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

...and the man asked the Devil Why me...Why ME??
and the Devil looked around and said...
"It was your turn"

GRRRRRHHH! That joke blew chunks, but yes we are where we are Recovery is a dirty business but somebody's gotta do it, I suppose.

LINY,
Hey how's it going partner? Counseling is at the top of my ITINERARY, right next to breathing and eating. The first session is set for Monday. I'm hoping this Dr. is a proponent of M. The last thing I want to is to have some guy peeking over glasses tell me to throw in the towel, instead I might throw a rock at him.

FM:

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. I am a fighter by nature and I hope things work out the way they are supposed to. You must keep up the fight to. Confusing times for so many of us. I really appreciate your positive outlook towards the reality of this world.

Too Soon