</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong> FM:
It sounds like things are really working for you at this time. As recovery has continued on, I found it difficult to not be angry for what she did to me and the family. That seems to be dying down some. She continued to cry out for her need for independence and freedom. I reached a point where I said to her, "It is yours, go get it. I will not fight you anymore nor will I fight for you anymore. Go get your old old job back, go rent an apartment, go back to your boyfriend, and be free and independent".
She knows she can have her freedom and she knows I won't fight for her anymore and guess what, she doesn't want to leave now that she can. The problem is, I did reach the end of my rope and I was mentally done fighting.
Now I see her as an unfaithful woman who is no longer worthy to be on the pedistal that I had her on in my marriage. I think I can take her or leave her although, I don't want to start over myself. I don't think she lies to me anymore and I do think she is making a legitimate effort to be a better wife.
Our marriage is different, she is different, and I am definately different. Nothing will ever be the same. What bothers me the most is the things she said about me and the marriage to justify the affair. Her simple selfish act forced her to rewrite the history of our lives together to justify her chosen actions. I told her this too.
So FM, be prepared for many emotions after you have her settled back in. I said on another thread, I was like the dog chasing the car. Now that I got her, what am I going to do with her.
I remain optimistic that by choosing to remain with her, our love will rebuild or come back but I can't say I really feel it much today.
TooSoon </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well my W left so I guess I'm on the other side of the equation. Who knows I can't help but think maybe her leaving is a good thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I equate living with someone who repeatedly lies and cheats as emotional abuse. The hardest part nowadays is avoiding her, for instance she came here tonight. I had taken a nap this evening after dinner, because my sleeping habits have been so erratic. I awoke and my daughter told me that her mother had went to the store, but will be returning, so I hid in my room until she left.
I am still upset about her coming here without committing to our M. I would rather she'd vanish from the planet. I know that's just my emotions talking so let me revised that and say, I'd rather she'd vanish from my life. I feel so upset from her voice, visits anything concerning her. It will take me a few hours to recover after just hearing her in my home. Go chase you lust and your fantasy world while I do the real work of raising our children and filling in the humongous gaps that you leave in your wake. How do these WS's sleep at nite? I am beyond tired and this has gone on way too long.
I have been praying to let this M go and for GOD to release me of my burdens. I leave my M in the LORD's hands now, accepting I've done all that is humanly possible to rectify, be supportive and spare my children this experience. I am losing respect for her as the days chip away, but I am happy for Plan B and its gifts of peace and quiet, no longer pulling, giving and not receiving, being rejected, having to listen to as you put it, the rewriting of history by my WW. I'm laying my burden down. This is no longer my battle to fight, but hers. If she is too weak to fight, too concerned with the feeling of others besides the H she married and the children she carried and bore into this world, it's not my guilt to shoulder, it is hers.
FM
<small>[ September 01, 2004, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: FamilyMatters ]</small>
