My husband has admitted he had a physcial attraction to a coworker, but says it was not a sexual attraction.

That just doesn't ring true to me. I'm concerned about him working with her on a daily basis, even though he says he now "sees her for what she is" and is no longer attracted to her in any way. There is a history of an emotional, and to some degree a physical, relationship with another coworker previously (3 years ago).

Is it possible for a man (37 years old) to be physically attracted to someone without it automatically being sexual too?

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: SimpleElegance ]</small>

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I am happy that you found us in time. We can really help you.

Start in Plan A, and read all about it on the link in my signature line.

SE, did you ask him what the difference is? Because I sure don't get it.

Thanks, believer. I've read all of the info here. As I mentioned in post, we dealt with infidelity, 3 years ago when he was involved with another coworker. Since that time we've both read the information at this site and I've lurked at the forums.

Recovering trust has been the most difficult part after our d-day. We have both worked very hard to restore and rebuild our marriage.

That is one reason I was so surprised, disappointed and heartbroken all over again when I found that he'd once again started down a path that had once before almost destroyed our marriage.

We're in a difficult situation right now (he works out of town and we only see each other on weekends).. and his immediate, and obvious, interest in a coworker on a new job has sent me back to our original d-day in June of 2001. Though he swears nothing inappropriate has happened and that he is now aware and taking steps to distance himself from her... I'm still a basket case.

I'm open to any advice, words of wisdom or encouragment of any type.

yikes, SE, doesn't his traveling make it sort of difficult for you to ever build trust? Three years is an awful long time to still be stuck at this point. Trust should have been restored along ago. Why do you think it has not?

Has he tried to regain your trust by being open in every way? Or is your red alert antenna going off?

Hi...

We are 8 years recovered from Mr. Pep's A.

I cannot remember exactly how long ago, I guess about 4 years ago....

Mr. Pep told me he was getting "vibes" from a female friend / neighbor .....and she is very attractive. She attends his AA meeting... and was pressing him to ride together...

We POJA'd a resolution.... H changed his meetings... and was sure to never be alone with her... She probably did not imagine she was walking dangerously .... but her M was in trouble at the time, and she was waaaay vulnerable...

We protected HER as well as ourselves... together, as a team.

Think it over... find a way to fix this as a team.

Pep

Thanks for the replies.

Melody: He's only been traveling a little over a month. Trust had been restored, although I will never again have blind trust as I did before infidelity ever touched our lives. But, this most recent incident has put doubt in my heart again and brought back all of the insecurites and hurt from 3 years ago. He's been wonderful. He has done everything within his power for the past 3 years to give me the security, love and support that I needed. And, he is now reinforcing his love for me, his dedication to our marriage and has promised that he simply wasn't aware... that he now realizes that he has to ALWAYS be on guard. He says the difference between physical and sexual is that he thought she looked nice... but he didn't have sexual thoughts about her. I just never expected to ever have to deal with his having ANY type, no matter how innocent it might truly be, of interest in another woman again.

Pepperband: We have POJA'd to the things that are possible: no closed door meetings, no lunches unless with a group, no traveling together to meetings, no working overtime alone. Are there other things I should request that I'm not thinking of?

I'm just uneasy that when things seem to be great, and both of us agree, that our marriage is wonderful and there are no unmet needs for either of us... he so easily started to form a friendship with a woman that he finds physically attractive. Been there, done that... and I never want to go through it again... and I'm surprised and disappointed that he was even tempted. Am I over-reacting?

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: SimpleElegance ]</small>

Why do you think he told you this ?

Perhaps so you could help him and protect the marriage?

Pep

Initally, he tried to hide his attraction to her.

When we talked on the phone in the evenings and he discussed the people he worked with.. he was very careful and hesitant when he discussed her. There was a marked difference in his ease in discussing the others he worked with versus her. The red flags were waving for me. At first he denied there was anything when I expressed concern about her. Then he lied about having lunch with her (it wasn't one-on-one) but he didn't want me to know she was in the group of 3 that went. After more questioning and talking he finally admitted there was "something" there, and that he had picked up signals that she was "interested", and he didn't turn away as he should have. He insist that he has now distanced himself from her... and I do believe him.

I suppose I'm just concerned that had I not picked up on the attraction and questioned it.. when or if he would have stopped it on his own.