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Interesting thing ... giving and receiving internet advice. Can be fun Can be challenging Can stimulate one's thinking / debating /communicating skills Can provoke self-awareness Can provoke emotional responses Can be manipulative Can be 100% phoney Can be 100% authentic Can be overly time-consuming and much much more..... Some pitfalls.... Relying on message board amateurs while avoiding real-life therapy Loss of subtle non-verbal parts of communication Addiction to the feedback and something I've been thinking about recently.... Transference.... <a href="http://www.tir.org/metapsy/jom/101_transfer.html" target="_blank"> explaination of term</a> Desire for approval.... Concerns regarding feelings a cyber person might have for you .... Someone becoming a guru ..... Inability to disagree for fear of loss of friendship /approval... Cyber friends' opinions becoming more important than that of one's spouse or real-life friends and family .... I would like to go on record here with my opinion.... I think it is ill-advised to depend on amateur cyber advice ~alone~ for something so crucial and delicate as marriage recovery after infidelity. This site is GREAT!~ I love it!~ I think it is the best site on this subject! But, it is NO substitute for real help. None of us are recovery gurus. We are amateurs with opinions, experiences, perceptions, prejudices, and baggage in our trunks. Pep <small>[ July 28, 2004, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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If you deal with the devil, expect to be cheated! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by chackler: <strong> If you deal with the devil, expect to be cheated! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just changed it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep
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Good Post Pepperband! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Thanks for the reality check, Pepperband - and cool that you were thinking too of the transference thing - I have thought the same, just couldn't put a word on it, but it fits! Nice perspective and good to remind everyone that we're all here, hurting, and while we are trying to help others, the ulterior motive for 99% of us, is to help ourselves too.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">o-day ou-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Pig Latin?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong> Dibo
Yibou
Spibeak
IibB? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">noooooooo
teach me!
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A thought-provoking post, as usual, pepperband. I've been pondering the relative merits of this form of communication myself a bit lately.
Why do we feel drawn to the threads that are surest to provoke a strong emotional reaction? Are we addicted to drama, or do we need the stimulus in order to process some of our own pain?
I belong to a women's Bible Study group, and Sunday we had an interesting discussion about self-concept and the fact that the "roles" we wear are not our identity. That concept is in high relief here, where like comic book characters, we take on a different name and different persona, however close that might be to our real world selves. Add to that the narcotic "hit" of affirmation that is available here, not only for those seeking advice but for those giving it, and no wonder an internet community can be as addictive as crack!
Especially for certain personality types that already spend too much time "in their heads" as it were.
A life in balance is a tricky proposition, ain't it? Action balanced with reflection. Learning balanced with its application. Restraint, self-control, and awareness are not simple things to master, even in a "simulated" community.
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Wow...great observations kat72.
So true about a life of balance.
RAP
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Kat72:
no wonder an internet community can be as addictive as crack!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bwhaaaaaaaaaa
so true!
Pep
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Pibep: Ibit's vibery sibimple, ribeally. Yibou jibust tibype thibe libetters "ibib" ribight ibafter thibe fibirst libetter ibof ibevery wibord (ibunless ibit's iba vibowel, ibin whibich cibase ibit's fibirst), iband ibadd ibanother "ibi" ibif thibere's ibanother cibonsonant ribight ibafter (ibor ibit's iba sibingle-libetter wibord, libike "Ibi"). Ibof cibourse, ibit's iba libot hibarder 2ib SIBAY thiban ibit ibis 2ib tibype! Ibi ciban't dibo ibit, bibut Ibi knibow iba gibuy thibat ciban! -ibol' 2iblibong (thibough Ibi mibay hibave vibiolated thibe ribule, biby tribeating "2iblibong" ibas 2ibwibords, iband iby ibusing "2ib" ibas iba wibord, ibinstead ibof "tibo", "twibo", or "tiboo") <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ July 27, 2004, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>
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If you look close you can actually see this thread spibiraling downward. I wish I could drink this early....(near beer of course) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you look close you can actually see this thread spibiraling downward.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">clibockwise or cibounterclockwise?
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Very good points Pep and Kat.
(I can't get that skinny kid with the weird face-hat and strange speach impediment on Fat Albert out of my head now.)
Lori
<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: at peace ]</small>
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Oh crap! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Transference is a repetition, a new edition of an old object relationship.... The person reacting with transference feelings is in the main unaware of the distortion." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I am in transference, then I am unaware! So, how does that work? Since I don't think I am, does that mean I am, or I'm not? I feel like I am chasing my tail, now! And, 2long's new speak reminds me of Bill Cosby's "Himself" special, when he told about how he talks after the doctor numbs his mouth. He says, "My libep, is in my labep!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thanks Pep! SS "Mommy?" <small>[ July 28, 2004, 10:06 AM: Message edited by: Spider Slayer ]</small>
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Wonderful post Pep.
I am very rushed for time this week...and I should be back by the end of it.
Got some reading in this morning...interesting.
Max.
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madmax .... (tapping my toe rapidly) ..... I'm waitingggggggggg <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was wondering.... what your respose would look like if instead, I said... "Madmax ...... PLEASE PLEASE reply!
Are you mad at me? Did I say something to offend you?
I NEED you Max, please please please!!!!!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Are you feeling enough strokes to speak gently to me now? You said you wanted me, even tho ima girl and married to boot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Pep, you just had to come out and say what many of us were thinking.
I'm a little addicted to MB feedback. But I'm also about to dive into my Saturday and stay away for a while, so I'm not hopeless yet...
GC
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It's the posts on my own personal thread that have helped me keep hanging onto hope. Picked my self esteem off the floor and dusted it off. I view this as my support group. I don't know what would have happened without this site.
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