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<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

good vent

your story is like a scary cautionary tale

How's your marital recovery going?

Pep

Whiteknight -

Your story could be a movie. I really feel for you and your family.

I have witnessed a lot of nuts in my life and none it seems is worse than a lover scorned.

There was a time when I could gladly have killed my brother in law for what he put my yonger sister through, along with what he put my parents through. In fact my brothers used to talk about hiring someone to do the job. Now we just wait for him to die naturally and pray it happens while my sister still has a chance at a life.

Someday she will get hers (she hits her kids?). Maybe someone should open up a case about this. Maybe that would get her off your back.

Take care,
Weaver

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

Hi WK,

Wow, still a drama out there, 'eh? Sorry to hear that.

My H has an RO against him and whenever he travels abroad he risks it being on his record. He has been stopped by airport security as a result. No kidding, he is embarressed by it all and gets upset at the damage the OW through her lies inflicted. I am seriously thinking of writing the judge on that case so at least it is in the records that she lied. The judge alluded to it but still the RO was enforced (according to the judge for both their sakes).

Well your reputation (like my H's) will eventually be repaired but this stress is one of the sad consquences of the A. I am sure you are a nice guy but those moments when you weren't caused all this.

I am glad you regret the past bad acts but now it has altered your current and future life.

Can you move away from this? What can be done to get the OW to move?

You realize she may be at this again. Foggy brains consider her's a conquest. Just enough to hype her up to do it again.

Next time, the next guy may not be so nice.

That's a piece of info that m/b helpful.

L.

Howdy WK...

Your situation isn't like a movie..it is one...ever seen fatal attraction? I have a couple of Q's for you that may help..or not. First off..do you have a lawyer who specializes in this sort of thing? If not..get one. Next up..the pics...not to be squicky and detail oriented..but they could really make or break your case. If there are pics in which she is clearly posing..or even better, if the two of you were in them together..uhhh..it establishes that you two have had intimate contact [which may help her or you depending on which way the axe falls] but if they are just nude pics..say the type that could have been taken without her consent..then it really might hurt your case. We won't go into why you have them still...nude pics of OW would be on my "to go" list for sure but your mileage may vary. Please get excellent legal counsel. Have your lawyer advise re:the pics. As far as that goes..either she has a case or she hasn't got one..the fact that she is your OW doesn't play well for you either..most would probably feel that neither of you could be considerred credible. If it went to trial, it would likely be dismissed...unless there are some pesky details..and I sort of suspect that there are, because you have been offered probation..and that they seem reluctant to press charges against her for perjuring herself.

Now I'm going to be a little bit hard on you, but I promise it is to help you gain perspective and not to be so consumed with anger. You didn't sit in a jail cell because someone told some lies about you. You sat in a jail cell because you had an affair with a woman who is unstable and vindictive. You told her to go away and she didn't. Who knows what her motives are in a moment by moment way? Who cares? Look back and see the arrogance with which you approached this affair. You thought you had control over it. You thought it served you. Then you thought you could just be done with it because you say so. Guess what? You have earned every cent of the trouble you are now experiencing, it is your wife and children who are the victim..what were they supposed to be paying for? We don't know what the future holds for her regarding pissing off the wrong guy..but you pissed off the wrong woman for sure. You chose to make yourself vulnerable to her charges and now you have to live with the consequences in a permanent..and possibly permanent record sort of way. Yes, our legal system is flawed..but by some other legal systems you would have been publicly executed for the crimes that you did commit.

I do feel for you though..because you have tried to correct your ways, and are being hindered. I hate to see the system abused as well. In this instance though..humility may serve better than indignant rage. I was done with you, how dare you not go away! ...isn't really to your credit long term, if you think about the mindset behind it. Someone once told me a long time ago..a nifty little piece of wisdom that I have applied to my life when I start to chafe about frustrating circumstances..especially ones where I bear personal responsibility, maybe it'll help you too... Sin will take you farther than you meant to go...keep you longer than you meant to stay...and cost you more than you thought you'd pay. Best wishes with your future, Noodle

Hi There,

My suggestions below may seem a bit difficult to follow right now but please know I am not dismissing what you are feeling. I have been under attack too- terrible, relentless, scary. While this may seem difficult to do, surprisingly the most effective "weapon" against this sort of behavior (narcsissism) from my experience is to give it no energy at all. I know it may seem difficult but if I were you, I would be like a wet rag. She wants the limelight to "vindicate herself" or keep herself important to you or whatever- whether it is positive or negative attention. Imagine she believes herself a rock star and you were head of her fan club. She is outraged that you have quit and is demanding justice for such an outrageous offense.
So give her or the situation no attention at all while protecting yourself legally - a RO or a mutual stay away order(I assume you have something like that now). You can't push a wet noodle. If you can give it no energy at all- no responses, no reactions- nothing except replying to only the most critical, pressing, legal ones- and take your time and save your money on those as well- she will get bored and go away. As long as she has you hooked, and from what you are writing- she has you hooked- it will not happen. No criticsms here- I know what it is like- it's horrendous and terrible.

I believe this is on the pyschic level as well and is probably most effective in these situations. I was able to finally meditate and from deep within say goodbye to her, thank her for the loving times we shared together, tell her I was sorry for any pain I caused her and the mistakes I made and I understood she was upset and hurt right now nut I knew everythign would be OK for her in the future.

You might want to consider seeing an MD about getting perhaps some medications for the stress you are suffering under right now. It is environmentally induced stress and it appears your body is chemically being bombarded due to your up-regulated fight or flight mechanism. thisis not a criticsm, itis a health concerna nd is real. You deserve to be healthy and happy. I am so sorry that this has happened.

Whiteknight...
Instead of doing what she's doing-obsessing about the situation, considering yourself the victim, and planning revenge, why don't you turn this situation into something positive. Speak to men's groups about the dangers of violating wedding vows. Educate young married couples about communication and what can happen when you take vows lightly. Focus on your wife and your relationship. Plotting criminal acts and focusing on her behavior does nothing but lower you to her level. I'm afraid that you and she are more alike than you would like to think. (I wouldn't be surprised if in the DA's office, you're both considered off and they just might think you've gotten what you deserved!) After all didn't you contact her after she asked you not to? Stalkers never think they're stalkers. They think they have legitimate reasons. That's where both of you are similar.

For one moment think how your wife feels as she sees you obsessing on the situation and watches her money go out the door because of this situation. How would you feel if you had to pay out hard earned money to defend her because of her affair with a nutcase all the while listening to her obsessing about the OM? Do her a favor and stop it.

This is not about ow and not about you. This happened because of YOUR behavior and while I understand that you are remorseful, you need to consider the one who is most hurt by all of this-your wife. Being in her shoes, let me tell you, she's considered having her own affair. It is natural and happens to all betrayed spouses. While her character may not allow it, your behavior will make it easier for her to fall into a situation that would cause further damage. You see Whiteknight, that armor is not so shiny and your horse is covered in mud. Your behavior has caused you to be tarnished and it continues...

I feel sorry for what you are going through. OW is definitely crazy! Just like OW in my situation. H can't see it yet or won't. When he finally does, his life will be a livig hell as well. I feel like she is threatening him because H has not been the same since he met her. She got pregnant on purpose to try and keep him. She is so vindictive and is now using an innocent baby to get her way. I truly hate OW. I wish I could have her fall off the face of the earth. I wanted to literally kill her so many times. It seems these OW can do or say whatever they want and get away with it. They all sound related. They cause so much hurt and heartache and just walk away. The legal system let's so many people off the hook. OW has a felony drug charge and only got probation. She should have gotten 5 yrs. and if she had H never would have met her. She cried to the court because she had kids. What a joke! She has a rap sheet a mile long. It seems having an A is a pretty high price for everyone to pay. I truly hate her!

I hope your situation gets better. I was wondering how you were doing.
BTW, is OW a Leo?

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: Cyn1018 ]</small>

<small>[ July 30, 2004, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

This will be my last post regarding my relationship with OW. There is no need to reply.

My legal case is over and I am on probation. My judge has required that I post this final message.

I apologize to OW, or anyone else for that matter, who was offended, alarmed or disturbed by any of my previous posts.

Love can cause people to do odd things. I recognize that I was not able to appropriately deal with the aftermath of the relationship. I am seeking licensed professional help for these issues.

I wish all of you the best in your lives.

WhiteKnight