I think from my signature line you can get what you need about basic information.

Since the beginning of our marriage it's been rocky -- you know the vow, for better or worse? well it's mostly been worse. Problems with the exw flaking out all the time, buying a house and then dh going on disability, claiming bankruptcy and losing everything, barely making ends meet now that dh is on permanent long-term disability. And now this.

Since the beginning I've had problems with dh's son -- we just don't get along and we seem to grate on each other -- when he walks into the house the whole atmosphere changes.

My ss has only seen his mom twice since February and she's now apparently decided she doesn't want to be a parent anymore so he's with us full time. The arrangement used to be week on/week off but neither parent paid any type of support to the other.

I don't think I can handle it and have had long conversations with my dh about it. Not only financially (we don't even have the money to redraft the papers and file them with the court so we can get some sort of financial help from ss' mom) but emotionally as well. I am not his mom, never will be and to be honest wouldn't want to be. I love my two bio kids but I've never had any warm fuzzy feelings for my ss. I hope I don't sound totally selfish, I am really not a mean person. I am just at my wits end.

I am seriously considering throwing in the towel. We've already started discussing divorce over this issue but there's got to be another solution.

Sunflowers,

I'm in no position to be giving anyone advice, but your story is just heartbreaking. Please try to see this from your ss' point of view. This poor kid - 8 years old and feeling he doesn't belong anywhere! Maybe if you tried Plan A with him, being the best stepmom you possibly could, he would respond in kind. I know money's tight, but even if you went to court how much support would you ever collect from his bio mom? Does H accept your oldest daughter unconditionally? How do the other children respond to your ss? Please contact your local mental health department for family counseling. They generally operate on a sliding scale fee, and with your H on disability you may not have any cost. Hang in there, these are rough times but you can do a lot to pull your family together. I'll keep you all in my prayers!
Terri

Anybody have any suggestions? I should also mention that since my dh has been on disability he is on heavy medication (narcotics) and he really isn't the same person I remember marrying.

Thanks for responding Terri.

I've told my dh that we need counseling -- both marriage and family and yes he does accept my oldest daughter (I won't say unconditionally, but he's her friend) but then again he's never had to parent her in any way, shape or form -- she's a straight A student, plays sports, has lots of friends and is all-in-all a great kid and her dad (my ex) is very involved in her life (we also do the week on/week off) nor has she ever told vicious lies about people in her family. My ss told his Grandma (when he got caught "playing" with his cousin -- if you know what I mean) that he learned that at Daddy's house because one of daddy's friends did it to him. It never happened. He told my dad that the reason his dad (my dh) was hurt was because I hurt him. (my dh hurt his back on a fishing boat 10 years ago). That's just a sampling. There's lots more.

I realize he's just a kid and I should love him unconditionally, but I can't. I am sorry I have so much pent up anger and resentment about pretty much everything at this point I can't even think straight. I know I need counseling, I know I do but counseling just for me isn't going to solve the problem and dh doesn't seem to think either he or his son have any problems that need counseling. So what do I do.