I ordered some MB books. WW is deep in an A and we are going through the divorce process now. She has daily contacts with OM and lots of phone/cyber sex.

She asked me about reading the books I ordered from MB. She has no interest in reconciling only on divorcing and starting new life with fantasy lover.

Should I let her read the books, I am reluctant to let her. Everything else she has looked at she just uses to justify her actions.

I don't know what do?

I don't see how it could be a bad thing for her to read them. Worst case, she continues with the divorce. Best case, it opens her to some truths and she makes corrections in her life and your relationship.

Michele

Well if she's deep in an A, I wouldn't get your hopes up but if she's asking to read them, I would let her, ESPECIALLY if you have Surviving and Affair.

When I read it I said, 'my gosh, if my husband read this and did not see himself in here and the possibilities, he'd have to be a blockhead!' I'm not going to ask mine to read it, but I AM going to leave it out when he comes to visit next week.

Curious..if your divorce goes through and your wife came to you next year and said she wanted to try again with you, how would you feel about that?

My former WH read all the infidelity books and read and posted here. At first when he started reading the books right after dday adn while still in the fog...not all of it sank in but little by little they helped pull him out of the fog.

It may help her. I think she wants to use it to meet OM's needs.

Bump....

What if she is reading to meet OM's needs? It is scary to me.

On a medical note, Lately everything I eat runs right through me. Two or three times a day. I have been eating more and feel like I should be gaining weight. I am wondering if I'm not digesting my food right, could this be anxiety? It just started.

funny you should mention "what if she were reading to meet other man's needs" I had sent the emotional needs questionaire to my wife so that we could do it together. Well, she moved out the next day. What I did find as extremely disgusting, was that her and OM used the questionaire to see how well they could meet each others needs. I read it in some emails they sent back and forth. You can't imagine how angry I was... such is life.

Spinning the Drain,

I sent a copy of Surviving an Affair to my WW a week ago. I don't know if she is reading it, threw it out or using it for toilet paper. I would be shocked if a WS could read the book for any length of time. As a BS I had to put it down because I thought it was written on MY own history. These A's are all alike.

Nobody, regardless of your committment to a M wants to read that their " special something" aint so special at all.

As a Catholic, we always feared going to confession because we thought the priest would die if he heard these " unique" sins we were confessing. One of my good friends later went into ( and still is ) the priesthood and says the hard part of hearing confessions is he hears the same thing over and over.

SAA shows you they are basic principles in every A, and I would recomend it to everyone( including a lot of my happily married friends).

CY, she doesn't want to read SAA. She says she's not interested. She's interested in reading HNHN. Get my drift.
She already wants to meet all his needs, do I give her more tools to do it. Or will she learn something and see me differently with a more open heart?

From everything I've read here, she has to fall out of love with this OM. He has to deplete her Love Bank. Can reading a book do that?

spin:

If she wants 2 read HNHN for "use" 2 meet OM's needs, let her get her own copy. Seriously. Tell her that you've marked all your favorite paragraphs with hilighter and it's not appropriate for her 2 read your stuff - she needs 2 mark up her own copy.

-ol' 2long