I have been having a really tough time with this and tonight decided to look online to find some help, this is how I ran across MB. I am still learning alot of the terms and stuff so I hope I do not mess this up.

My story:
My wife and I had been married for about 4 yrs and had been together for almost 10 years. We were high school sweethearts. I was away from my wife for a year while the US Army sent me to S.Korea. We talked almost daily and I never thought she would have a affair. But two months before I came home I caught her in some lies. She admitted to the fact that this guy had come on to her but she stopped him and nothing happed. Her story didn't make sence but I wanted to trust and believe her. I came hope from Korea and we never mentioned it again, well almost. I became close friends with the man the hit on her, (after all I had a hard time blaming him, she is a beautiful and smart lady) and even started to work for his company. After doing so I ran across some info that proved they did have a affair. I confronted her and she wouldn't admit to it till I showed her what I had found. She then slowly admitted to it.... first a kiss, then after getting mad and fighting she admitted there was more. I had to continue to drag it out, she never would come out and just admit to it all. I felt that I had let her down is some way and she insured me that no I did not, but being gone for so long, she was lonely. She did also admit that it continued even after I asked her about it while I was in Korea. So she continued even after being caught.

I love this woman with all my heart and can not think of ever not having her as part of my life. But it has been 2 years and I still feel pain and mistrust. There was a period of 4 yrs early in our relationship where we were apart (her going to school and me traveling in the army) I can't help but thing that she messed around then or even now. I want to make this work but often feel like she doesn't. That the only reason she is with me still is to not look bad in her families eyes.

Am I wrong to think that we can make this work?

Please any advice would help, thanks.

SH, sorry to hear of your pain as many of us know and feel exactly what you are going through. You are lucky to have found Marriage Builders so quickly. Your situation is similar to mine and many others on this site. My suggestions are to get into Marriage counselling ASAP, read as much information from the site and other sources that you can get your hands onto. You will see that there are many people like yourself who have successfully made the marriage stronger after an Affair(s), so rest assured that it can be done. There are many great people that will help you on this site. Keep, posting, keep talking, and don't give up!!!

Slowhealing -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Check out the emotional needs questionnaire here and see if your wife will fill it out. And you fill it out too. Find out if you are meeting each other's emotional needs.

Then keep posting and reading, and the great folks here will help you out.

SH,
Does she still see this OM? Do you still work w/ him? Is the OM married?

I would strongly suggest marriage counseling (MC). WW will probably balk at the suggestion, but encourage her and see if she'll go, even reluctantly.

Get the book "Surviving an Affair". You can order it from the bookstore on this website.

Make sure to read the information on the main website. Lots of stuff to read there. It'll get you steering in the right direction.

Keep reading. Keep posting.

L&A