THE NEUTRAL ZONE THEORY
A proposal... far from complete... far from "finished"…!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The purpose of a Neutral Zone is to keep two parties apart that have been at war and who are still in a state of conflict. No "poking the tongue" provocation along the border because you stay so far away that you cannot see each other. Hence no provocation (triggers!).

NC is a form of Neutral Zone implementation. To avoid all provocation/triggers the OP has remain out of sight completely. No "harmless" passing by, no "harmless" phone calls. Nothing. The BS is in a state of conflict with OP and to avoid war breaking out the boundaries have to be respected.

Not LB'ing is a form of Neutral Zone to avoid conflict. It is a form of respect for the other party and a clear sign that you are willing to end the conflict/war and start peace negotiations.

Neither of these countries/empires are "perfect" or "always right" or "always wrong".
As far as the BS is concerned, the OP invaded his or her empire. OP occupied a piece of land there because they honestly or naively or selfishly believed "nobody is using it anyway". Or they considered themselves friendly visitors who met a friendly native <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> they got very friendly with.
If OP realises this was wrong and retreats peace can be re-established but it will take a long time for the trust to be rebuild.

I think an A reminds us very vividly of our primitive instincts because someone invades our territory (our M). Our spouse "crossed to the other side" and let the invasion happen.
Most of us have been surprised at the amount of anger we can feel and how hard it is to forgive this intrusion. It is war if we launch an "attack" (blaming the others). Or it is a conflict that we try to resolve when we try to get on speaking terms again with the other party.

There have been discussions here on MB where some people reacted triggered – someone had entered their Neutral Zone. Everyone has their own definition of where the boundaries of the Neutral Zone are and they change as we grow and understand more. But we all know when someone crosses the border – we get triggered, uneasy. They're not yet at our border. But they seem to have that intention and our defenses go up.

No-one is allowed to enter the Neutral Zone. Entering it is considered a provocation to the other party.
But how can we stay out of each other’s Neutral Zone and keep from LB’ing (yes, also to other MB’ers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) if we don’t even know how they define their Neutral Zone? Well… it will happen… we can all learn from each other. Some people have such a gigantic Neutral Zone it takes up almost the entire cosmos <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> …. That’s not reasonable… some negotiating would be in place then !

The only persons to be allowed to cross the Neutral Zone and enter into the other empire should be good will ambassadors. If we are in a good place with ourselves we can all be good will ambassadors, trying to make things work and avoiding conflict. If we get triggered we should keep clear both of the Neutral Zone and the "other side"… Unless we want to start war.

I think there will always be conflict in life. As long as we are not in a perfect place with ourselves like Jesus or Buddha, who need no more territory or boundaries because their love encompasses all, we will have some sort of territory that we will defend ("our" M, "our" children, "our" beliefs").

So it would be wise to have good strategies for avoiding conflict and not putting our heads in the sand.

I'd like to conclude with a extract from the Chinese "Art of War" under the title "Intelligence".
Never speculate about your opponent: always seek facts. Don't listen to rumors, seek information from those who know. Check out the truth of everything before moving, for if you have sought lies, you have sought failure.

I'm looking forward to any reactions to my theory. If you cross my Neutral Zone I'll try to locate Mr Spock for peace talks instead of launching an attack <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 07:41 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

Brownhair -

I like it! In fact I'm going to print it out and use it in a discussion I've been trying to have with my XBF. We are dating now, and I have the hardest time verbalizing boundaries and triggers. In fact he doesn't understand what "boundaries" are, why they are so important to know and how crossing these boundaries "trigger" certain undesirable emotions, from past or present hurts.

I also like the way you have pointed out that only people in a perfect place (Jesus, Budha and I'll add His Holiness the Dalai Lama (sp), have no trigger and hince no need for boundaries.

Thanks Brownhair!

Brownhair,

Excellent post. Thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Suzet

off into space....

OK I now also officially installed a Neutral Zone between my own Giver and Taker. They always did what they were programmed to do, not by conscious decisions I made, but by the things that happened to me when I was a kid. Like it did with most of us I guess.

The Giver tries to make me "survive" by being very nice and understanding to others. My Taker is giving me signals that I'm going to far by making me annoyed.. angry inside.. "not fair" feelings..

But the two of them are in a state of war, each one telling the other he's wrong. In the case of my H it's just the other way around - his Taker is upset because his Giver sees things from my point of view and starts making adjustments to the "selfish demands" LB.

So we need a Neutral Zone. Where they can all attend a peace conference, for example <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .