Hi everyone ok my H has been off for 4 days this week it was supposed to be a great weekend. it started out great he was still being sweet etc. by Monday he was getting a little moody and then yesterday he was a jerk. he got mad at me all day long over the dumbest things EX: we have been to golden corral for breafest before but it mustve always been on a sunday (i never put that connection) so i suggested going so we get there realize that its only serving breakfest on sat/sun. he is mad at me! then he gets mad b/c he says why dotn we stop by Burger king and get french toast tsicks. i havent eaten french toast in like 5 years and i do not like it . i said i dont want any but i'll pick some up for you and the kids...he gets mad.. i'm sick of that. all day long he was like that.

by monday i had felt pretty good that he was not speaking to her now i'm a bit worried again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> i dont know how to handle it when he acts like this? i dont kow why he is acting like this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> he goes back to work in a few hours and i hope hes nice today. my main instict is to withdraw but i'm not sure if thats the asnwer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> i feel like not calling him at work any this week or anything but dont know it that is right. i'm feeling down and sad . any ideas thanks

or i feel like talking to him> not sure i should do this either. idroach t otn really know how to approach this without lbing

Dear MyLife,

there can be any number of reasons why H is acting this way. If the NC has started in June he might still be in withdrawal and confused about his feelings, and pushing you away. Not a great way to be - but it will get better if he comes out of the withdrawal. Be patient with him and find ways to make YOU feel good about yourself so you can be patient. I know it's hard and you would just want HIM to make you feel good, to make up for the pain he caused you, but unfortunately it will take time for him to come around.

Did you get around to the the Emotional Needs Questionnaire and the Love Busters? If you didn't, do it. Don't be put off by "I'm not doing any stupid questionnaires" stuff. My H tried that "tact" to avoid talking about anything emotional because he doesn't feel comfortable about that (never has). So I gently "poked" him a few times and made him feel comfortable about it until he agreed.

Make sure you stress the facts that it is about BOTH your needs - his as well as yours - and that you would like to know how to make the M work. Make sure he doesn't feel like it's something you will throw in his face if he opens up a little.

Keep posting my dear! Better to vent here than to have a fight with H that might make things worse!

ok my H went out back so i was out there with him and he said you always look so sad latly and i want you to tell me whats on your mind. and then i said well i just felt you've been really hard on me latly and getting mad about things that i didnt do on purpose (Like the resturant episiode) he said your ridiculus. i am uspet he says he wants our marriage tob e open where we can talk to one another but how can i talk to him when he says my feelings are ridiculus. and how do i PRETEND to be happy?? i'm not hapyp b/c ever wed he goes back to work with this ow and who knows what else is going on. but i really want my marriage so i guess i need to pretend to be hapy. any suggestions! Thanks

Pretending to be happy would be hard for me. I don't know if it would be good strategy.
The thing is to focus on the good things and to not on the bad things. You need to talk about the bad things, of course.

You can be friendly when you talk about bad things. Don't be put off by the "you're being ridiculous" thing - my H always uses that phrase or the old "you're overreacting" when he doesn't understand what I mean or when he feels guilty and doesn't want to.

I then tell him I'm not trying to be "right" or even "reasonable". It's just how I feel. Guys like to discuss about these things - making you give arguments why you feel this or that way. My H is learning to accept that there can be just feelings and we women just want to express them, not discuss them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Try to be patient my dear. Don't blame him for how you feel, how ever tempting that may be. But don't be afraid to tell him how you feel in a gentle way. I know.. it's not easy.. but it's worth the effort and if your H is worth staying around he'll come around.

Is there any way he could get another job? It would be much better for you if he wouldn't see OW anymore.

brownhair,
thanks for your replies. i know i shouldnt worry to much about his ridiculus statemnts etc. i get them often BUT what i dont get is how can he want me to tlak aobut my feelings then he puts my feelings down? i dont know what i should be doing . i mean we were getting along so good and then he just gets moodiness and takes it out on me. i cant stand that. i dont know how people in plan a are happy with all the turmoil in there life. aslo he is desperatly trying to get anohter job he has applied for at least ten postioins a day for the past week and some before that. so were hoping!!@