My WW had a A for a month with a man who lives 2 hours south of us. They met 5 or 6 times at a hotel between our houses to 'consummate' in the past month. Fact is, unless she drives deliberately she ain't gonna see him, and I can't stop her calling him if she wants unless I lock her in a room for ever. So what 'extraordinary precautions' could/should I take? We already cancelled the sporting events where he MIGHT be at and like I said, I just have to trust her not to call him, I can't physically stop her,right?

She's gone to visit her sister this evening, perhaps to talk this mess out with her. Should I stop her? Should I call to make sure she's there even though I know thats a big LB right there?

Help please

I think you have that right, you can't "make" her be trusting. And trying to make her do things is written all over your post. You can't control the situation.

The burden is on her to win your trust back. How about sitting down and having a talk with her about she thinks she can do to win your trust back.

Read up on POJA. If you both don't agree on something, neither one of you are doing it...

SHMI, thats my whole point. I'm not sure what EPs I can take. All I can do is what I HAVE done which is to explain to my wife that there is aproven template for rescuring a marriage after an affair, and even though she doesn't want to read anything or hear much right now, she needs to know that the pain of seperation will drop a little soon and we will be able to see what this tornado has left us with. I've explained that she mustn't see him ever again but I get the impression that right now, she is mentally keeping him on the "back burner" in case we don't get happy fast in our marriage. Problem is I discovered the affair at the peak of passion - after the first sex sessions of a long chatting relationship. She is obsessed by her perfect lover right now.

This stuff kills me. She kills me. God alone knows why I love her so much but I do. Maybe never more than right now.

The extraordinary precautions that you can take will help eliminate the possibility that you will have an affair. But it's up to your wife to take those extraordinary precautions for herself. If she's unwilling, there's no way to force her. You can only lead by demonstrating your willingness to protect your side of the marriage.

If you can get her into counseling, a good counselor can explain this principle to her. In general, you should not take the role of educating your spouse.