I'm in Plan A - WH is not responding one way or the other. He is still doing a balancing act.

We are going shoppping tomorrow and lunch - over lunch I'd like to ask him:

Do you still have any love in your heart for me???

Or is that against the rules of Plan A???

I truly do not know if he loves me anymore. He is still phoning OP's but at least he isn't being mean to me at this point. I believe he is only being cordial since his D wedding is in 5 weeks and he wants me to attent toyet put on another good show for him. For all I know I could be served with D papers the day after the wedding. He is depositing Nothing the the love bank.

duplicate post

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

It is not wise to force the WS to declare his love for the BS while he is in the midst of the doing the same with the OP. It is a hurtful thing that the BS often attempt with little or no beneficial results. It is generally not worth the pain.

What you may see is his face twisting when he tries to tell you he loves you but can't show you right now. He may even get angry and start to blame you for his state of mind or the lack there of. Again this is hurtful.

If your mind pulls you into this black hole of despair you may do it anyway and regret it later. If you are strong enough to resist the temptation to pull those words from him (which w/b empty phrases at best), then you will walk away from that even with less hurt (though you will not know how much hurt you just saved yourself from). You can read about some who are doing that and then see how wise you were to avoid that subject.

What else can you do? You can ask if he still likes other things and get your observations in with less impact to both of you.

example:
1. Your pet misses you. Do you still like or want your cat/dog/bird, etc.? This is a good one because it will help you see his state of mind. It can also be hurtful when he rejects a pet in favor of the OP. Use this as a gauge.

2. Your mother wants you to have _________. Isn't that your favorite one?

3. The children drew you a picture. Give it to him. This one isn't optional for him to refuse.

Notice nothing from you. He needs to miss you, though he sees you. Look your best for lunch and if any compliments come your way for him or others, be gracious and enjoy it.

FYI, you don't have to compliment him and say he looks good. Remember he is in the A. You don't want him to look good. If he asks, then say, something like: 'well you have looked happier before.....' Again no real compliment.

Hope this helps.
L.

THANKS - for putting my head back on straight...If he did reply with Yes - it may be that he is only saying it so I still go to the wedding and so we don't have a huge fight. Your right - I would regret it later and kick myself.

Why do we always want to put our heart on our sleeves - knowing it's gonna be knocked off..??

The last time he told me he loved me was in early June when he was having a ""confused" moment. Then he shut me out again..

Somewhere deep inside I think he still loves me or he feels that he doesn't want me - but, doesn't want anyone else to have me either. Am I considered a "material object" ,hahhah.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITHURTS:
<strong> I'm in Plan A - WH is not responding one way or the other.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How are YOU responding to your Plan A?

WAT

WAT - I'm personally doing pretty good. I rarely cry at this point. I feel stronger. I look alot better than I did for the past year. I still have alot of anger that I can't let go of. I don't do everything I'd like to do outside of our home since I don't want to poke the tiger. Actually, I'm home more now than in the past.

I enjoy doing things for my WH - but, he does nothing for me ever. Though, if I look back he never did. Sometimes I wonder if he's keeping me shut out so eventually I'll just move on.

I read somewhere - that when a man says - If you don't like it, your unhappy, LEAVE...they are really saying: I don't have the nerve to leave you, but, if I keep pushing, eventually you'll be the one to leave. That's the coward's way of ending a M. It makes it easier for them...She left me...I don't "own" any of this...I'm really the BS not her...

I don't feel I am meeting his EN - since I haven't a clue what they are. If you see my post under Just found out section you'll see why I can't meet his needs..

If I could get this man to theraphy maybe we have shot. He refuses to believe he has a problem. It's all me - I've "owned" as Dr. Phil suggests my share of the marial problems but he "owns" none of them.