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Hi, Family Matters asked me the question below on another thread. I thought it w/b good to post it on it's own thread. Getting other's thoughts and opinions is one of the great benefits here @ MB. So here goes: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally posted by FamilyMatters:
Sorry to be a budinsky...but how would can you determine if a WS is becoming a FWS? Are there specifics you should look for? Please elaborate Orchid, I need to know.
Thanks Welp FM IMHO it looks like this:
WS: Having A, blaming everyone but him/herself. abusive to all who love and work with WS, misuses family funds, moves out, disrespectful, no POJA, no radical honesty, greedy, angry, manipulative, etc.
Xws: Asked for another chance, comes home (partway - physically, financially but not emotionally or morally). Still has some form of contact with OP or other OPs. Carries some of the traits of the WS just in a more subdued manner. Provides some security but the BS and family still do not feel safe. Shows periods of remorse and acts more humane. May even try to repair their relationship with God. Still in the fog and still fooling him/herself.
Spouse (H or W): Able to put the family first. Sees the world as it really is and deals with it as such in a loving and humane manner. Acts normal. Shows remore. Is repentant. Does not act out in anger as the Ws and Xws did. No more fog. No more games. Faces life headon. Makes family feel secure and safe.
After the spouse returns, then the BS is helped by the returning spouse to get over the A and it's residual effects. The RS (returning spouse) helps the BS bring closure so that the BS can shed his/her title and take back the faithful spouse title.
Of course, this is my opinion. Other viewpoints are welcomed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
L. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <small>[ July 29, 2004, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>
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Orchid, don't change a word. You've just described me in exact detail. Even the "spouse" bit, I'm happy and thrilled to now be able to say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Jenny
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I don't know enough about the process to be able to add anything except -
...the way you put it Orchid just about sums up why MB is such a success and why it "saves" so many people from the total destruction infidelty often is. When you can show the procession in a concise, step by step way, then people can change their situation from complete and utter chaos into something they can understand, expect & deal with. In other work it turns personal insanity into personal sanity. Incredible!
<small>[ July 29, 2004, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>
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Fantastic! Makes sense, seems the best way to gauge words vs actions. Thank you ORCHID for sharing your insights.
BUMP for sanity's sake
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BUMP for sanity's sake
Too cute!
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FM,
Glad you liked the post.
L.
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