<small>[ November 22, 2004, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

Hey nothing beats a try but a failure........What the heck.............You love her, hang in there...........it's like playing a game of chess.............Fun ain't it.......If you r feeling down give me a call and we both can feel down...............Hang in there and be strong.....Pray for your WW...she needs it right now.........

joe:

"What are we all thinking?"

We are all thinking that we got married 2 our spouses because we loved them and wanted 2 spend the rest of our lives with them. We wanted a fairy-tale life, but there is no such thing. Life is full of temptations, heartaches, other traumas.

But, remember the "for better or for worse" clause in your vows? Well, here's the worst. Worse, by the reckoning of many, than the death of a family member, even the death of the spouse. I don't know if I personally believe that anymore, but it's been 30 months since d-day for me. At the time, it was definitely the worst thing I'd experienced.

Why we keep at it, though: We do so because of what WE promised our spouses we'd do. Regardless of what they're doing now. We do it because we need 2 be able 2 look back on OUR choices and actions and KNOW that we did what we felt was the right thing 2 do for us, for our spouses and for our families. We hold on because we know the stats - that affairs burn out in a year or so, faster if they're exposed 2 the world.

Now is the time 2 2rn the adversity you're experiencing in2 an oppor2nity for personal growth. When you do, you will find that you can look at your life and your marriage and recognize that your happiness and spiri2al strength come from within YOU, not from someone else. And odds are that even2ally, your WS will see the positive changes in you.

The fantasy will end someday. When it does, you'll be ready 2 rebuild.

-ol' 2long

I guess you're right Frank. I should start praying. It's something I haven't done in a while.

It's funny how you go through moods. I put on some slow R&B and I'm beginning to feel better, if that's possible. I even answered the phone when my brother called. I won't go there, whole nutha story.

Took a ride on my Fatboy after work. Last time I rode it was with WS to ride around looking at houses for sale by the water. With the wind in our hair, the roar beneath us, my hand on her leg, and her breath on my neck. Whew, the pleasant memories. Take me back, take me back please. Take me back 2 weeks ago when we were toasting to us with some cabernet, over a candle lit table, and slow dancing on the kitchen floor. I can still smell her hair....

WOW

Thanks 2long. Those are some very inspiring words. Exactly the reason I keep coming back here. I suppose if I could look into the future, without this place I would give up very soon.

Really I just say that. I've said it 100 times before but I don't give up.I also believe that you don't walk away from someone you love in troubled times.

Though, at times we may be devistated by the courses our lives take, or the challenges that are thrown our way, I refuse to let it break my will, my integrity, and my character. I will stay the course and fight for my beliefs and my love, with the strength and understanding from myself and others here on this site, to not only cope with matters, but to actually heal.

If I were to walk away from my feelings, my love, my heart, what kind of man would I be? What kind of love did I, or could I ever offer?

I not only want to survive this tragedy, Ihope to come out of it a better man. I always told my WS I would stand by her through everything, and though I didn't know at the time it might mean this, I will stand true to my words. I feel it is the admirable thing to do. My love for her compells me to .

Joe, Frank, 2,

Your words inspire me! Helps remind me why I / we / all of us here hang on and continue trying.

"We do it because we need 2 be able 2 look back on OUR choices and actions and KNOW that we did what we felt was the right thing 2 do for us, for our spouses and for our families." - Amen

May God grant us all the favor of his guidance, wisdom, and strength...

I know it's wrong to do, but I had dinner with WS's cousin (best friend) last night, along with her husband. They had asked me to help them with something at their house (I'm in construction) and then asked me to stay for dinner.

She hadn't any good advice for me, accept that I should just be myself and do things for me now. My WS has been calling her everyday and that's all I get. I suppose I don't blame her for her loyalty to WS.

Her husband on the other hand, I commend. He told me that he will never welcome this OM into his home. I believe it's things like this that should be let known to perhaps speed up our WS's ability to see through the fog. Everyone else in the family seems to just support WS, saying things to her like "you've got to follow your heart, if you're happy we're happy, you know what's best for you".

Since when does society, and what I consider my family, condone such behavior. Why all of the sudden is it o.k. to destroy relationships and lives. My WS is taking a man from his W and child. And that deserves support?

I voiced this to my friends of 17 years. I really think that if they let WS know that they do not condone this behavior, that it would put pressure on that evil relationship. I might be wrong, but really, acceptance only makes it easier on WS.

So I commend this man who has the integrity, the honor, and the respect for me as a friend and a man, to denounce this behavior and let it be known that it is not welcome in his home. That's the kind of support I need. Especially in this state of waiting that I seem to be in. Nothing else I can do right now.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: joe c. ]</small>