Well after what seemed like a good week my WH is back to the I don't want this anymore speech. He was kind of late getting home last night but showed up with food from my favorite resturate. He then put a movie in and I thought maybe things are starting to turn around a bit. Well he went to the bathroom and I was cleaning up and found a sales slip and it showed he recharged a phone card a few hours earlier. My heart just sunk. He was trying NC again and things really did seem ok.

I did ask him why he called again. I didn't say it mean or anything. I was very calm and I think that is what bothered him. He came to bed and hugged me so tight and said he was sorry that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. That things haven't changed about how he feels even after MC. We have only gone for 3 sessions and everytime we go he says at the time it helps.

He tries to say it's not about her that if he never talks to her again he would still feel the way he does. He says his main problem with our marriage is the fact I don't understand him. He is a very deep person and does not say what he means. You have to really read into things and do a lot of thinking to understand what he is saying. Especially when things he says can be taken many different ways. I really think MC has helped me understand him better plus bring out little things I can work on to make the marriage a little happier.

What I don't understand is if he truly believes it's not about her then why can't he stop contacting her? Why won't he give us a true chance? He says he wants out and he has felt this way for sometime. Also said the only reason he married me was the fact that we had a 8 month old son together at the time. Said last night he was going to break it off with me when we were dating then I got pregnant so he stayed around and did the right thing. I really don't believe this but he does. He says he is not confused. I asked him what if he did NC and things did change about how he feel about me and he says they won't.

I told him if he wanted to leave me it's his choice but I think he will regret it later. I asked him when he is going to leave he said eventually. I told him I can't live my life in limbo. He said he doesn't want to leave until he knows I will be ok. And he doesn't want to leave if I am going to hate him. And also said he wants to work with me to figure out a plan so we both can be ok with it. I told him I am not going to be happy about him leaving and I will make it the best I can without him. I also told him I will not help him leave me by calling lawyers and stuff.

I got very strong and felt a peace come over me then for some reason. I just kept hearing the words I still have everything under control. Then I just started praying. You know the first MC session we went to the ladies house and on the way there we passed a sign someone had in their yard. It said God still has everything under control. I felt at the time that message was for me. I do have faith God is working something out in my marriage. And if it doesn't work out the way I want I know he will still be with me and help me.

I laid in bed just staring at the ceiling and my husband kissed my hand. I know I am probably stupid but I then said make love to me. He looked at me so tenderly and did and afterwards he kissed me lots of times and hugged me so tight. I am so confused and feel so empty right now. It feels like I have no hope left in me. What do I do? Do I just wait till he finally leaves? Do I continue with plan A?

I did cry one time last night but not for me. What hurts me the most is the fact that I know my 3 yr old son will be so hurt if his daddy goes. And I know my baby girl that will be born in Dec won't really know her dad. That kills me. I would do anything to make this work. I am so willing to makes changes and be a better wife but it seems like he doesn't even care. Sometimes I think he is not in the fog that he truly means what he says and truly doesn't love me. I feel like giving up and just moving on and let him live the life he wants.

This weekend we are going to Chicago with his cousin to help him move up here. On the way back we have to drive one of his cars so that will give us 12 hours to talk. I really don't think it will make a difference though. It seems like his mind is set already. Thanks for listening to me.

I hate feeling like this. I know it's not healthy for me right now and he doesn't seem to care that I am pregnant. I asked him if he realized once he leaves he will not be around much to see his new baby and bond with her and stuff. He just answered I know. I really don't understand how he can be so different and unloving from the man I married.

It sounds like he is still deeply in the fog, and was in withdrawal. He needs to maintain no contact with OW.

I think he still loves you but does not realize it.

You are doing a good Plan A. I would keep it up until he moves out. How long have you been in Plan A?

SMLL

I wanted to tell you i know its hard your being so strong. i can understand the part about your h not thinking you understnad him my h says that his number one problem he says were not on the same Page! but my h isnt even on the same page as himself... he says one thing and then changes his mind or means something else. i can not figure out how t o be on the same page with him because i'm always doing soemthing wrong no matter what it is... i'm fustrated and dont think i will ever be on the same page as him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> sorry not much advice!

I found out about everything on Christmas Day. Since then I have been hearing I will end phone contact be patient. Around April I found this site and started doing plan A just not a good one because I was learning some of the things I was doing was not good. Like constantly bringing up the A. And constantly talking about our relationship and stuff. For almost 2 months I have really done a good plan A and have really started to try and change some of the things that came out in MC. I guess he doesn't see it or doesn't want to see it.

MyLife,
I have been reading your posts and I swear some of the things your husband says sounds just like my husband. Yes it is so hard to be strong. And it's hard not to talk about us. I hate the feeling of not knowing. Like I am in limbo. My husband also says things then later said he didn't mean that or changed his mind about it. Then I am suppose to understand him and read his mind. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

On the trip this weekend and also in the future should I not even bring up him leaving unless he does? Should I not ask him if or when he is planning this?

SML - Hang in there, he is still there isn't he? He hasn't left yet so you have lots of opportunities to work this out. The trip this weekend is a great way to spend a lot of quality time together just talking and having fun. All your serious talks don't have to be relationship discussions. In fact I would steer clear of any relationship talk this weekend. Show him how great you guys can be together. When he says something, ask lots of questions to make sure you understand what he is trying to say and show that you care. Maybe you can get him excited about the baby, although I have been told lots of men can't until the baby is born.

I see so much hope in your situation, at least compared to mine. So hang in there and make the best of this weekend. I expect to see a post from you on Monday tell us how it went!

SML,
Please continue to hang onto what you have right now. I know it is very painful and stressful not knowing the future, but you can rest in the hope that God brings to your life. I know it is unfair, but you have to be the strong one right now. When your strength runs out, God will show you His power and sustain you even in the worst of times.

Your H is still torn and emotionally unstable. He is in a state of confusion and is waffling back and forth. The alternative of divorce will be even more painful for you and your children. At some point he will see you in a true light, but if you give up too soon, your chances will be very low.

Continue to seek God and what He wants you to change in your life. Eventually you will have more peace and less anxiety. God is in control and He is faithful. Place your hope in Him because He has a plan for your life that is wonderful. Unfortunatly for us, we seek God more earnestly when our circumstances are the worst, but all the while he is working in your life.

Continue to pray for your H that the Lord will pursue him and bring him into His will. Pray that he will show him His love and faithfulness. You can do this through God's strength and power.

Christ's Love,
Roman121

Kloe,
I think what you said is a good idea. I am going to enjoy myself this weekend. I am not gonna bring up him leaving or relationship talk unless he brings it up. I am just going to act like he didn't even say he wants out of our marriage.

You are right there is hope because he hasn't left yet. Just sometimes I feel like I am changing and trying so hard but he still is doing the same old stuff like calling her. I just don't understand how he can continue to hurt me over and over again and not care.

Roman,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I know God is the only way I can make it through this. Without him I would be so lost. I don't deserve his love or help because since getting married I haven't been the Christian I once was. I was so into my husband and my marriage and making it that I let the things that mattered most slip away. I realize this and know I need to change some things.

SML,

I usually don't post over here but I was just looking around today and saw your post. My heart goes out to you. I see some familiar stuff in your post.

It is difficult, so very hard for you if you H won't stop the contact. It's difficult to re-build the trust, which I am sure you know.

I also wanted to reach out to you because I too am in Maryland, if you need someone local to talk to.

Luvmyfamily,
What part of Maryland are you from? I am in the Frederick area. It helps to come here and post because I don't really have any friends. I have lost contact with most of them. I hate talking about my problems to my mom all the time because I don't want her to hurt anymore either. She really is hurting for me right now plus if I do work things out with my husband I don't want any hard feelings between my mom and him.

I am in Montgomery County.

I'm in Montgomery County too. Maybe we should start a MD support chapter!