Hi,

Wondering if you great guys/dads/H's here @ MB could help out a fellow MBer. His user name is Mugsy and he is at a crossroads of sorts.

I have been giving him my POV (you all know I would do that - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) but I realize he needs more POVs from the rest of you.

Here is his thread: Mugsy's thread

Thanks,
L.

Dear Orchid,

I came up with a few ideas and references for Mugsy. If he posts back, your wisdom might help him sort through his situation.

Blessings

Orchid, I'll hit that thread tomorrow. Gotta conk.

GC

Thanks guys!!!

Whaler.... a few ideas and references???? They were great. Hope you don't mind, I copied it and will post it here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Whaler:
<strong> Dear Mugsy,

Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries, recommend loving confrontation. They recommend having that difficult conversation.

My opinion is that there are a lot of types of lies, and types of liars.

It does not sound like you understand the types of lies, or the flow of lies.

Trust can be maintained by understanding hte types and directions for a person's lies. I don't trust a number of aspects of my wife's statments or silences. But I unserstand the direction of her half-truths. So I bring things up if something seems to be getting too far out of line.

One step in looking behind a person's words, is to understand the direction of their falsehoods. What types of lies is W telling you? There are fanciful confabulations interwoven with a few facts. There are lies to get out of trouble. There are lies to cover a secret. There are lies to be considerate to someone. There are lies that are simply the opposite of the truth

Dr. Harley recommends Radical Total Honesty. I practice RH by avoiding doing things which I would have to keep secret from my W.

Could you talk a little more about how you observe boundaries that your W desires? Boundaries, Cloud and Townsend, suggest first looking to yourself, to be sure you are being a boundary loving spouse. Then work on asking and negotiating boundaries for your spouse to observe.

I don't particularly trust my wife, but I if I feel things are getting out of hand, then I make waves. Generally things go fairly smoothly.

If you follow the Love Diet, I think you will have less to worry about. Your comments don't indicate that you are being sufficiently romantically attentive to W.

Here's a few references:

HANDLING AND CHANGING OVERLY CONTROLLING ACTS

Love Must Be Tough, by Dr. James C. Dobson, Tyndale House, 1996


MB Thread on The Love Diet

The Love Diet Chapter of WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW by Barbara DeAngelis
Poor Couple Communication caused by Controlling Acts


JEALOUSY

How to Easily Catch a Cheating Lover, catchacheat.com

Overcoming Excessively Jealous Comments and Outbursts, nomorejealousy.com

Handling Jealousy in Love Relations, romanceclass.com


BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE (1999), by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Available in Leather, ISBN 0-310-24612-1, Hard back: ISBN 0-310-22151-X, and Paper Back: ISBN 0-310-24314-9 (Soft Cover) Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530.

Boundaries in Marriage Workbook, Paperback, ISBN 0-310-22875-1.

Boundaries, Face to Face (2003) by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

cloudtownsend.com
www.drhenrycloud.com
www.newlife.com

Boundaries Course Video, with Cloud and Townsend, comes with the Boundaries in Marriage, the Particpant's Guide and the Instructor's Guide.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp?product_id=1813624&sourceid=1500000000000000040820
Boundaries Groups:

overcomersoutreach.org
Overcomer's Outreach Boundaries Groups

celebraterecovery.com
Celebrate Recovery Boundarie Groups


Lecture Reservations:
newlife.com
1-800-new life


Blessings </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Awesome work Whaler <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks,
L.