I hope I didn't blow it today. W is going away with S on vacation for a few days. Maybe a week.
I haven't seen her since Monday and was expecting her to come over today to get S's bags before trip. She decided not to bother and just get them in the morning before they leave. They will be gone before I get home from work in the morning so I won't see W now until they get back.
I had to contact her to get phone # etc. about where she will be in case an emergency comes up and I need to reach her.
I called and talked to her for a few minutes. Pleasant conversation.
I may have LB'ed though. I told her I had been looking forward to seeing her today, I told her I will miss her while she is gone and I said "I love you".
I also wrote her a letter. In it I talk about not having shared my feelings in the past and talked about some good times I remember from our marriage. I could post it here but some of it is very personal. She will get it while she is away.
Is being honest with her about my love for her LB'ing?

<small>[ July 30, 2004, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: dreid ]</small>

How does she act when you say those things to her? If she acts closed off and angry when you talk relationship and feelings and say ILY, then it is an LB for her right now.

I know all of those things were VERY big LB's to my FWH while he was still wayward and not recommitted to our M.

I think you know the answer to these questions, you just don't like it and want somebody to tell you it is OK for you to tell her these things. We all want to do that. BUT, even though it is counter-inuitive, we must resist. That is why this site is so wonderful - tells us what is good, and what is not so good, while we are in such termoil and it is hard to find our own direction.

SS

AND, what are you planning for your time with no responsibilities? When my H took our boys on his weekends, I DID not stay home and wallow in my self pity. I went to the bookstore, went dancing, watched TV at a girlfriend's house, ANYTHING to keep myself moving in a forward direction.

I think that is why you are struggling today. You allowed your focus to settle back on what you cannot control - your WW. Place your gaze back upon yourself, and keep moving down your own path of personal recovery.

And keep posting. We are all here for you.

SS

Thanks SS.
When I told her on the phone today that I will miss her and ILY She thanked me. I guess I was hoping for an "I'll miss you too" or an "I love you too". She doesn't seem angry when I say those things. Just unable, or unwilling to say them back.
During their time away I will still be working. One and a half jobs keeps me busy. I hope to get caught up on some sleep though. Much needed. I will be checking in here frequently.

Thanks again