Hey everyone,

Hope all is well today.

Things have seemed pretty good around here considering. My wife has started wearing her wedding ring again, put the wedding pictures back up and has been playful. Still not really too affectionate, and probably wont be any sex for awhile but whatever. Im not sure what to expect.

We had our 2nd session of counseling yesterday. Our counselor was surprised and glad that we have decided to live together. We have decided that she is going to see him for an hour and then we will see him together afterwards. Or vice versa. Should she see him first before we both see him? Dont know if it matters, just want to do this right.

I was going thru some files today on the computer and I found something that she had written. It kind of bothers me and I dont know what to think of it. Maybe some of u can give me some insight. She wrote it probably 1 1/2 to 2 weeks ago.

Here it is...

This has to be the most difficult time in my life. But the worst is over now and I can breathe again. Im not sure why I stayed for so long when I knew for so long. I was scared to let go. Cuz Im broken when Im lonesome. I think Im gonna be ok tho. I really think that he will be ok too. This is the best for the both of us. He hates me right now which hurts, but he will thank me someday or realize someday why I did what I did. I dont think we were ever meant to be. I really wish I would of handled things differently, but thats the way life goes. A huge learning lesson all along. What have I learned? Well never ever settle. If something doesnt feel right, fix it. Dont ever rely on anyone to make you happy but yourself. I certainly have never done that and this is why I have made so many bad choices, trying to find happiness from somebody else, a quick fix. So wrong. I was never really happy with him, yet enough I suppose to keep me hanging on. I should have listened to myself a long time ago. Besides hurting myself, I hurt him and his family. Everything happens for a reason. Our son is the reason. Strange how life works. I am happier now than I was two weeks ago dealing with the stress of how to handle this. I have actually been dealing with this for alot longer. Why did I push him to marry me? Good Lord! What was I thinking? I thought it would help matters. Make us closer. Oh no. You really find out about people though when u get real about yourself. And really you have to be real. Its a must. I think I have been myself for the most part, but have felt held back alot. I need to be free.

Thats that.

You know it really hurts to read something like that. I dont know what to think. Is she full of it and just a confused little girl? I know we have problems and it hasnt been all good but it wasnt hell. Its hard to tell when she tells me she needs me and God has given me to her cuz she does need me. I hold her up when she is down. And so on....

Any insight would be great.

I don't know if you should bring up that you found it or not. But I would at least take the contents to heart. I read it as very confusing.
To me, I can sum that writing into a sentence.
"I've ruined the lives of many people who love me, oh well, it was meant to happen."

Thanks alot for your post.

It is very confusing. She is acting totally different now. Like she really wants to try and the counseling is gonna help her and us. Its hard cuz she was feeling totally different 2 weeks ago. She knows she is not gonna find a man as good as me and somebody who cares about her like I do. That is why I think she is trying now. Regardless of my faults and how we havent been the best of friends, I think she knows that those r things that can happen. I have always been there for her like no one else. She knows it.

How r u doing by the way? I just read your post about your story and I hope u r feeling alright. Things dont have to be this complicated right? Man, some people r really screwed up. I hope she comes back to u and u2 r able to recover thru this. I think me and u r both trying to be the hero and save our wives. I think mine has come to her senses and wants help, hopefully yours will be there soon.

Take care and talk to u later...

I too think it was confusing-at times, I couldn't understand if she were talking about you or om. It just sounded as if it were "fog" talking. I wouldn't take it to heart nor would I tell her you saw it just yet. Focus on repairing your relationship.

She was talking about me. She has never really had a relationship with anyone she has cheated on me with. Yes, it has happened a few times. She is confused and I think it might of been fog talk, but at the same time I think she really does think that way about us and me. She is a very unhappy person right now, and she tends to focus on all the bad. Thats why she keeps coming back to me, cuz she knows that I am a good man and if we fix ourselves we will be very happy together. She needs to focus on the positive of me and herself, and quit worrying about all the bad.

You know Im not really sure how to take this whole thing. I never know what she is thinking. It is really aggravating. She says things that I dont know who to take it. She asks me why I want to be with her, and that shes damaged goods. She is so unhappy and doesnt know how to get happy. She says she is not affectionate and really jaded. It drives me crazy. I am trying to be there for her and help her but what can I really do? How am I supposed to act? Just not show that I care so much? Maybe that is pushing her away. I dont know. Maybe I should just worry about myself and the kids. Not show her much interest. She says we cant have sex til we get married.. lol. She wants to get remarried. This relationship is unreal. I could seriously make a movie out of this. Might kind of be a rip off of the Jerry Springer show tho.

We are trying to work and living together still (for today). She hasnt been bad to me. We have been getting along alright. Have been for over a week now. Just havent really gotten close and we both have been working. Is there like a time period before the WS starts opening up and acts happier? It seems she doesnt have much to give to me and that she is not able to meet my needs right now, but she says she wants to. She says she has to make herself happy and then us.

Ughhh... Im sick of thinking about this 24/7 but I cant help it. Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine.

<small>[ July 31, 2004, 07:00 PM: Message edited by: daddypop ]</small>

Some of what she says to you makes sense. Some doesn't. But you already know which parts are what. It sounds like she at least has the ability to rationally think about things.
If you both are still able to talk to one another, see if you two are able to set aside an hour each day to really talk deeply about your relationship. Really get into it if you both can.

I've read similar things from my WS.

I view it as pain and hurt and confusion talking. It certainly gives some insight into her actions.

The critical thing is to choose at this point whether to 'react' or 'pro-act'.

You have the insight. What are you going to do with it?

Think about the life and relationship you want to build with her. Think about putting something together where you are both happy and journal entries would be a lot more positive.

A better life is the goal. Don't take writings like that as the foundation for your future. Be glad that you got that insight, no matter how painful it is.

dewt