Long story short...WW and I were having a discussion last night and the subject of "our marriage" came up (surprise). It was during this discussion, that it dawned on me that we (all of us, especially here at MB) talk about marriage or the inistituion of marriage, but don't really have a definitive idea what a marriage is (or should be). This struck me as alarming, so I decided to do a "google search" on marriage / what is marriage / the instution of marriage / etc. Know what? NOBODY has a definition of marriage...lots of chiches, lots of anecdotes, lots of humor, lots of sarcasm, but no definition of marriage.

Many of us here on the MB forum claim to be working on our marriages, but how many of us know what a marriage is? Speaking for myself, I was VERY hard pressed to define my concept of marriage (WW declined to answer).

So my question is...WHAT IS MARRIAGE or WHAT SHOULD MARRIAGE BE or WHAT DO WE WANT FROM A MARRAIGE?

Well, obviously you're going to get as many different answers are there are people here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I would think better questions would be, "What do you expect marriage to be?", "What do you think marriage *should* be?", "And what do you hope to get from your marriage (ie, the bennies)" I'll answer best I can, but this is only my definitions.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is an "idea" which is common enough to make it a legal institution, or "situation", if you will. People marry for a variety of reasons, one of which may be love, but not necessarily. Two people say to each other, this is what I need and I think you can be the one to give it to me. The reasons for them deciding this are great enough for them to pledge to do these things for each other and no one else. Even if someone is pushed into marriage by say, an arranged marriage..they are still viewing the the union as a better alternative to something else. The reason it is difficult to define is because it is a CONCEPT that society has made into a thing. You look at a ball and define a ball by being a 3 dimensional shape that has no corners or edges. But a ball is a thing and not a concept.

WHAT SHOULD MARRIAGE BE
What should marriage IDEALLY be? Or what should it be? Well it *should* meet the expectations of those who entered into the contract. If I married Bob only because he had millions of dollars and could support me in a way that I wanted, then Bob should fill that need. If our expectations are goverened by love or by the Church, then the marriage should meet those expectations.

WHAT DO WE WANT FROM A MARRAIGE?
Well, I don't know what y'all want, but I do know what I want. I want my husband to add something positive to my life that I would not have otherwise. I want to do the same for him. I want to enhance my husband's happiness and not be the cause of his unhappiness. I want the same from him. I want someone to grow old with and rock on the porch with. We can talk through our gums and get all pervy with each other as we talk about our young escapades in the bedroom. When I'm 85 years old, I want him to pinch my bottom as I pass by his chair. I want to care for him when he's sick or sad and want him to do the same for me. I want to never stop growing and never stop finding things to teach him. I want him to do the same for me. When we're sitting in our rockers, I want to reflect back on my life and not wonder what life would've been like without him and I want to do the same for him--no regrets. Mostly I just want a companion with whom I feel a deep connection, someone who knows how to care for me in all ways. If I had that, I think the rest of it would take care of itself

Hi maddyk,

You're absolutely correct. The difficulty IS that "marriage" is a concept. A hopefully shared concept between the two participants. In my case, the two participants have (obviously) developed different "concepts" regarding lthe marriage...hence my attempt to define what I felt/thought marriage was to me.

Perhaps too simplistically, I've boiled my "concept" down to this essence...

Marriage is an an exclusive life-long relationship based on mutual love, caring, and understanding. It's two people sharing their lives together, nurturing each other and helping each other grow spritually and emotionally.

Looking for more input re. this "concept". Let's hear what YOU think...

Definition:

Marriage: the mutual relation of husband and wife;the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family;an intimate or close union;an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected

Married: being in the state of matrimony

Matrimony: the union of a man and woman as husband and wife.

I would agree that it can be much more than this by what is put into the marriage by both parties and what they both expect to get out of it.

O

Spending the rest of my life with:

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person I'm most comfortable with.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person that touched my soul like no other.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person that will care for me if I'm ill.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person that will wipe away my tears.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person that will share in my joys.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person who will encourage me to follow my dreams.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person that inspires me to be the best person I can be.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person who accepts me for who I am, even with all my faults.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The person I will grow old with</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Just off the top of my head.... all the things I knew my M was, and WILL be again.