Dear ******** -

While we have never met and you may not believe what I have to say, I wish to share something with you that I have learned. For a couple of years your wife ***** and my husband have been involved in an intense emotional affair. This includes emails and phone calls at all times of the day. They profess to have strong feelings for each other (my husband is so sure he is in love with her that he has completely shut me out of his life). I need to stress that this is only an emotional affair and there has been no physical contact between them. None the less - it has been devastating on my marriage and on the lives of my 3 small children. As I struggle to deal with this I feel an obligation to inform you - as it is truly a hurtful and deceitful thing they are doing. Only when an affair is fully exposed to the light can recovery begin - and that is what I hope to gain.

If you are looking for proof - I encourage you to seek out phone records - her cell phone number appears numerous times on my husband's phone. Her recent trip to ******** to visit her father was while my husband and I were in ********* and several calls were made to her from the phone in our room (for which I do have copies of the hotel bill). I have spoken to Susan several times and asked her help to end the affair - she has refused. I know he has written several poems and letters to her - she may have a private email set up. All I know is that it is driving me crazy and I want it stopped.

I have been reading His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair by Dr. William Harley. Both are exceptional resources to help you understand what's going on and begin your own road to marital recovery. I do request that you not tell Susan that you have received this information from me - I think it is best if she thinks you discovered it on your own. I hope that this disclosure will serve as a starting point for you own recovery.

Best Wishes -

JFaye,

What kind of response are you anticipating? Or are you? I wouldn't expect one, if I were you.

Most men, I think, who haven't had experience in this area won't know what to think of the term "Emotional Affair". I never heard it before I came here. (BTW, while my tag line might make me look like a newbie, I've been here over a year; I have changed my name a few times) I wouldn't predict how OWH will respond. For a lot of men, the first response would be..."Have you SLEPT with him?", and if she says no, which you've already stated they haven't, he may not take it as seriously as he should.

I think you did the right thing, don't get me wrong. But often times doing the right thing doesn't necessarily bring about the "right" response, or at least not initially. I could see how OWH could get the letter, read it, ask OW about it, and take her for her word when she describes you as a paranoid, irrational, controlling wife. (I'm not saying that you are, but she will manipulate him, you know that) So, he might believe her, and just choose to keep an eye on things in the future.

In the meantime, OW will tell your H, who will probably become angry, and then things at home will heat up.

I guess what I'm asking is...have you allowed for all possible outcomes? This could drive H out of the house, at least temporarily, if he really believes that he is in love with her. Things could get a lot worse before they get better.

As I said though, I think you did the right thing, especially since H has admitted it to you, and you have records to back it up. Doing this based solely on suspicions would be careless at best.

Good luck, and keep us informed.

clay

BTW, you missed deleting her name in one spot...