OK, just a rant today. Everyone else's weekend looks like it was awful, too, yech!

OK, so Fogman works in Maine now and comes home for the weekends. This has been the third week. The kids are adjusting OK. I start work today, back from Maternity leave FINALLY! I am hoping work will provide some relief from my constant obsessing about the A. Adult company will be much welcomed.

Rewind to last weekend...he filled up my love bank (it was teetering around zero) like crazy. I have no idea how that happened, I just had a really good feeling about everything.

By Wednesday, love bank on Empty again. I talk to him at least once a day, sometimes there is R talk. I'm sick of reiterating about no OW, please. He found an apartment and was moving in that week. I have taken the step to not move to Maine, due to OW weaseling her way there, too.

So, this weekend rolls around, and I'm already feeling down...going back to work soon (I will miss the new baby), trying to sell our beautiful house, thinking of new jobs, found a "spot" on my thyroid in an ultrasound. The weekend reached its peak when he handed me his work cell phone to see why he couldn't get messages. Well, I'm checking around in it, and lo and behold, OW's number is of course programmed in with the name "Your Sweetness". OMG was I pissed. Well, he wouldn't say anything at first, but then admitted that she had programmed it herself for him. Oh, isn't that so damn "sweet" of her?

He still says he is not having an affair! He has slept with her twice since April. She's his "special friend". Again, I Plan A that this contact is hurting me and causing incredible pain. He falls into the old "at least somebody doesn't treat me like sh*t!" She's the only person he knows in Maine. I also found out that she has moved there. She left two days after him, despite their "I'm moving to Maine and this won't work out" talk.

I have pretty much had it! Why is it that we BS's are constantly blamed for their thoughtless behavior? I'm sick and tired of it!

I told him the cell phone programming was the last straw, I'm getting a D. He doesn't want one (what the he## is with that, I do NOT understand), but I don't care anymore.

I have heard that you are not ready for a D until you can walk away without emotions. Well, I cried last night and today about it. He was trying to get me to calm down this morning...don't rush into it. I'll give you everything so that the kids will have it all.

His sweet talk is the last thing I want to hear. I need to make a decision and stick with it! I'm glad of the decision to not move with him, although I know this is against MB. I'm not sure I want to get him back. He is sucking me dry.

Please do not try to blow FOG up my a$$, please, Fogman!

I really hate the rollercoaster, but then I imagine not having him around and I fall apart! I so desperately want to keep our family together. The three kids deserve that. I am blamed for being controlling, so now he's like, you'll have your way now (being D).

I think I would get it in writing that you and the kids can have everything (just in case). Later on he may change his mind about that one.

It might be time for Plan B.

Believer

I want to move soon, but I met with my L last week and she said that one person must remain in the state until D final. That is torture if you ask me!!! Especially today when I feel like total crap!

The L said we could write up any agreement we want and she could file it in court. I would like to file for separation and then move. The S would include custody/support. But again, I think I can't leave the state without an additional hearing/request to the judge.

I called him before I went to work, and he asked me to not rush into anything. I didn't say I was not going to file. Man, I really am pissed off today, RANTING....

I don't feel very MB today at all. I think we will go to the MB weekend coming up. It's right near my parent's and they could watch the kiddies.

I have way too much stress right now. I just want to get away from the awful feeling I have in my stomach. I'm at work and it's really quiet, so that is a nice way to ease back. I love my co-workers, they are such a good support system.

Is anyone else sick and tired of thinking about the A 24/7?

First day back to work yesterday was great. Turns out one of the staff has been through this crap with her XBF. They have 2 kids. He's moving out and she has already found a nice guy (too fast IMO). Showed her this site.

Anyway, my emotions are up and down again. Fogman called me from the road at work to tell me to cancel any credit cards we have paid off. Not sure what good that would do??? Whatever, dude.

I have known this man since birth... and now I have to try to disconnect? Impossible? Inflict damage to the children by D? Inconceivable?

I hate to say it, but I feel my feelings for him slipping away.