I could not go to bed without giving an update!

First off... I had a very good time. Everything went well.. except there was a fire in the building. I miss my Tina Turner Cd's but I survive. I worked on my websites. I read some good books. I am double tan lol... anyways, I didn't have a bad time, except I think I've gained couple of pounds! (ate too well) I didn't have a total bad day! All the days were good, some better than others.

There are changes I noticed in myself. I had some time to think...some time to myself while H had his own time, but most of the time we were together, but I had him mostly on a leach.. Once he left for more than 2 hours I got pissed! That was one of my bad days.... I tend to be more possessive than before. Vacation was like total escape from our messy lives. I really haven't made up my mind about anything.. I just really had time to think..

I came to two conclusions.

I either will stay in Belgium with my H or I leave for the states and we never see each other again. I cannot live in the dark. I do not trust him enough for this... at least not anymore!

I still do not know what my decision is. If I leave, I am leaving for good.

There is no gray matter for me here! This sounds selfish, but its the right thing to do! I still have no courage to pack up and leave because I am afraid I will lose everything!

And not the courage to stay........

Well.. HI BELEIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and everyone! I'm back...

I have soo much to read!

harudah -

Hi back to you. We have missed you here. Glad you had a nice time. You sure deserve some good days.

I hope you will stay with your husband. You have fought for your marriage so hard, and for a long time.

Not much new here - WH is still with OW, but I don't think about him much anymore.

I'm glad Beleiver! Although, I wish your WH could see how much you care about him and wished he'd come back, but I think time will heal you and you move on. Keep up with your plan B. I tried to do as much Plan A as possible although I blow at times... lol... H talked a lot about having kids....but he is just like me the "rollercoaster" he doesn't know if we are ready. Anyways I'm not ready.. at least not now. thing are like 80 positive and 20 negative.. so its good so far!

I have lots of new pics since we had a digital camera to use..... so I have to put up my website and I'll show all the new ones.. (we look very happy)
Like Robert Fulghum was trying to quote a lot of contradicting "sayings" such as "You want something done, you do it yourself." " A lot help makes the work load smaller"

well "A picture is a worth a thousand words"
"Never judge a book by its cover"

Maybe maybe Not! that book is awesome!

Again I am blabbing ....... I'm already feeling overwhelming about things that I have to do! Sad huh? The light out of the tunnel soon? I do not know!

harudah -

No kids yet, sweetie. First you need to finish your schooling. Then you need to do everything you ever wanted to do in life. Because after you have kids, you are "mom" and no longer will have the same chances to do things.

Now don't get me wrong. My children were my biggest blessing in life. I loved every minute (well almost) that I spent with them. But if you take care of your needs first, you will be a better and happier mom.

Heh little astrology girl!

I've been wondering where you were. Spain, no less, man what am I doing wrong?

I read that Robert Fulghum book, "It Was on Fire When I Lay Down On It". Read it all in one night as a matter of fact. Yep thats my life, all reading home alone by myself makes Weaver a dull girl.

Ah well - I am so glad to see you back here, it has been a little dull without you. But now that I know Believer is a cool motocycle mama I don't feel so alone. (never been on motorcycle in my life)

Stay cool!

Weaver

I understand what you are talking about. I had some plants inside the house, inspite of a lot watering.. they are still dead. I have to go buy new ones because I got used to taking care of them. I'm sad that they are no longer there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I consider them like children... now if I had kids I'd take them with me if I take a 2 week vacation.. hehe

Anyways.. I am going to wait, I am not worrying about things now, I didn't do all the things I've wanted to do.. although sometimes I think I got close to them, but I still have to go to Africa, start building my house in the carribean.. things like that... I have sometime before I decide to have I doubt H is in a hurry although at times he talks about it so much. He even pretend when we go to stores and he looks at little clothes and talk to the clothes (which is embarrassing at times) He pretends that they exist...(sad huh?) I think his biological clock is probably ticking...... Sometimes he says we should wait, (and I agree) but most of the time he thinks about kids...more than normal lately.

I think it's because all his college buddies now have 2 to 3 children already.....and he doesn't feel uptodate lol

and look at the time.. I'm still awake. I had to check all emails all contacts.. I still did not reply to most of the emails. (I'm lazy at times)

well time for me to hop to bed. It's so hot in here!
I also put a small announcement online because I'm starting to think about opening my own business. And a prof. of mine always say "try anything once, you never know" I have a diploma "coiffure & Hair Design" it was just a 6 months rough thing that I did as a hobbie, but since everyone says I'm good at it, I might start doing braids and hair extension on the side. It will keep me busy and I will have some extra money while going to school. Noone has replied, but my cell phone could not be reached because I was in spain I was having connection problems, so I can't really tell, but 100 persons have looked my announcement, and I have couple of phone calls... I might call back tommorrow to see what they want hehe.

That's all... again.. me blabbers.. bedtime!