Haven't posted in a several days.

Earlier this past week, I had exposure questions, and was urged by all to expose my WH to his family, etc.

Was kind of hesitant, but Tuesday night, I finally called his sister, and told her all about it. She had told me in the past that she thought he had another woman. But I wouldn't believe her.

WH came here for the week. We were both off work, and were supposed to go camping, then come back on Thursday. His band was playing at a nearby town on Friday and Saturday nights. I was supposed to go to that, too.

We both had colds, so didn't go camping or scuba diving. We just hung around home. WH was distant, and indifferent toward me. He wanted to see how this week together would go before he made his "decision" (between OW and me).

I didn't LB at all. Was very warm and supportive.

But on Thursday morning, we went for a run. He took off at a fast pace and left me behind. Half an hour passed before we met up again (very unusual). His whole attitude was different. He was talkative, almost affectionate.

When I said he looked like he's lost some weight, and put my hand near his stomach, he grabbed my hand and threw it away from him. I knew my suspicions were true - that he had his cell phone with him, and called the OW while he was gone for that half hour.

When we got home, I reached out to touch near his pocket again, and he threw my hand away again. I said "Got your cell phone in your pocket?" He then said he always carries his cell phone.

I asked "Did you call OW?" He said no, but I knew he did. He finally admitted that he did.

I told him to leave, that I would no longer be a party to his triangle. I gave him the check book and his bills. I told him I would get my own checking account.

After he left, I called his sister and told her what had happened. She wanted me to come to her house for a visit. I told her okay, that I didn't have anything to do for the next four days, so I left (she lives about 4 hours away).
This is something he never thought I would do.

WH called his sister while I was on my way to her house.

She asked him what the OW thinks of him going home and spending time with his wife. He said that the OW didn't know that he had been going home at all since I had kicked him out on July 4.

He's being dishonest with the OW too!

I got home this evening. He showed up. I told him I was resolved on this matter. Break it off with the OW, then we could talk.

He said I was treating him like S---. I told him I was just telling him how I felt. That I had a MC appointment next Friday, and he could go or not.

He told me that he didn't want to live without me, that he wants to work it out.

My question......What's my next step?

Good for you, girl!

Now the hard part. You have to figure out how NOT to have contact with your husband.

Contact will just make things worse.

So you write a Plan B letter (there are all kinds of examples around here somewhere) and you figure out how to avoid all contact with him until he figures out what he wants.

And then you go on with your life. You don't divorce -- you just LIVE. If there are financial or kid issues to work out, you can work those out through an intermediary.

Oh, and you also might want to expose the affair some more. If there is a small number of other people who have influence over your H, speak to them as well. All you have to tell them is that your H is having an affair, you still love him and want to work things out, and that you've separated from him because you're in so much pain right now.

You can explain that as soon as the affair ends you'd love to see him, but right now it just hurts too much.

That kind of exposure... is GOOOD medicine for what ails your marriage.

I agree with J. You've gone straight to plan B, sort of the Love Must Be Tough route. You should write the letter and make arrangements ASAP.

GC

Is it okay for me to e-mail the Plan B letter to him?

He will call in the a.m. before he goes to work. I plan on not answering his call.

Since his apartment is sixty miles from here, I really have no other way of immediately letting him know what I am going to do. A letter wouldn't get there for two or three days.

I have his work e-mail address.

Also, should I say anything to OW? They work in the same building, but I don't have her e-mail address.

I did this the first time I kicked him out, but took him back after a week. That was a mistake.

This time I'm resolved to get this thing over with one way or the other. Like I told him, I will no longer be a party to his triangle.

Suggestions?

I think you should wite it. By hand. On paper.

Read Surviving an Affair. Sorry I can't do better right now, but I HAVE to go to sleep.

GC

I agree with Gray..
Handwritten or typed delivered on real paper not email. He will reflect on this letter for a long time and it carries more weight if you print it out.

stamp, sealed and delivered....

ditto the others

AND> Is that a joint checking account you gave him the checkbook for?

If so, IMMEDIATELY consider withdrawing half of the current balance. Stop all auto deposits you may have from any employment you have.

Get control of any other jointly held liquid assets such as savings accounts, investments, etc.

Plan B is hardball and the game has already started. Your goal is now to protect yourself since he's been set adrift.

K,
I think you should expose the affair at work and call up the OW. It would cause great conflict in the affair if you exposed them at work and let her know that your H was spending the weekends with you. You are going to have to expose it at work anyway eventually, because you will never ever go into recovery if they are working together. Might as well launch the nuke now. And I would call the OW today.

Scroll down and read John's post: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=030641

HI , read some of your story and dropping in 2cents . I would do excately what MEL said , and expose drop all bombs . Including calling OW .

I exposed A to the nation and have to say although its rough its well worth bringing them in to reality .

NEXT stick to PLAN B , something I was advised to do and did not , now all situations are different in away .

BUT before you allow this flip floping to every continue this is a perfect time to do PLAN B .

MY H was able to convince me to do things his way and that way was not confronting OW , PLANB, or anything that would cause HIM any more undo stress .

I will tell ya that exposing and PLAN B , will help the R and M more down the line into recovery not only M recovery but self recovery as well witch is needed for the 2 , to become 1 .

JMVHO ! ok I am done good luck and be strong !

Thanks, everyone.

I have turned off my cell phone, and will not answer the other phone.

I have already gotten my own checking account, and have cleaned out our savings account.

As you have all suggested, I will hand write my WH a letter for Plan B, and mail it to him.

I do believe I will call the OW (I have her cell phone #) and let her know that my WH has been seeing me since I kicked him out the first time.

I was wondering if I should get ahold of her supervisor at work (they work at a state agency) and expose the A that way. I know they have very strict sexual harrassment rules there.

Suggestions???????

YES, call the supervisor. Do it in the most respectful way possible. Keep it short and to the point. Here are the points you want to make:

- WH and OW are having an affair.

- [If you know of any details that indicate use of corporate resources to further the affair, provide them.]

- While you love your husband and want to work things out with him, you've separated from him while he's in this affair. It's just too painful for you.

- You know of their very strict sexual harassment policy.

- You're concerned that this workplace affair could result in a sexual harassment suit if they break up, and wanted to give the company a heads up.

That's it. No references to anyone's moral character or hygiene, no references to what idiots they both are. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point.

Today is a lovely day, isn't it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong>I was wondering if I should get ahold of her supervisor at work (they work at a state agency) and expose the A that way. I know they have very strict sexual harrassment rules there.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is one a supervisor of the other?

If so, the supervisor is in deep do-do. I can smell it from here.

ditto J - tell the State.

Remember, this is hard ball.

WAT