I have read somewhere in Harley's material (actually think it was in more than one place) that personal counseling by only one partner can actually work to undo the marriage. I think this may be the case in my situation. W seems to have been empowered to seek "her own space", etc., while she refuses to go to counseling w/me, read any books, or visit MB.<P>If anyone knows where this is written i would appreciate directions to the location. Otherwise, i'll be starting the search from scratch. <P>Thanks in advance. <P>

nlitend,<P>I've read this as well, but have been unable to locate the source (I thought it was in the article about the codependancy movement).<P>Why do you need the link? It's certainly true that "individual" therapy can be detremental to marital recovery---if the therapist looks to divorce as a "solution" for unhappiness. But the real issue is what are you planning to do with this information?<P>Educating your wife is a major lovebuster. Throwing a post on your wife's lap that says that her therapy is damaging the marriage will only serve to push her further away.<P>So, what Steve Harley would (probably) say is that there's nothing you can do to make her stop therapy. All you can do is change your own behavior. So do it. As an alternative strategy, take any opportunity presented to meet with her therapist---but be prepared for it (don't go in "controlling"---you're major focus should be your wife's best interests).

K...Guess it wasn't too hard to anticipate what i intended to do with this material. You're right, at this point it would only be a lovebuster. <P>I'm just so frustrated after months of Plan A have only resulted in her deciding she "can't continue to live under these conditions." <P>I'm now trying to disconnect from her emotionally as an act of self-preservation. It's really hard, because she's being so nice to me and i don't want to come across as mean spirited. She's convinced herself that all will be OK to include the kids. My response is that depends on your definition of OK. I'm not sure to what extend her counselor has contributed to this, if at all. It's a christian counseling service, so i would hope they encourage working on the relationship BEFORE you give up. If they do, she's obviously rejected that idea.<P>Thanks for your response. If i find the material, i'll just keep it to myself.