I've been a big fan of this HBO drama series, but this season has been difficult for me. One of my favorite character's (Rico) is cheating on his wife Vanessa with a stripper. Last night, I had to shut the TV off because it really bothered me to see Vanessa so hurt by her husband's infidelity.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever be normal again. I was restless all night long and the old familiar knot in my stomach reappeared.

Eventhough things are going pretty good between my husband and I, sometimes I get this overwhelming urge just to run away from everything and everyone.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Kati

Hi Kati!

I am still sensitive to A stuff...13 months past d-day.

I don't watch TV anymore. I was sick when I realized just how many shows/movies are A theme based and it seems that everyone just accepts it.

I never felt like running away prior to the A. But since d-day, I have felt like running away several times. Even leaving my kids behind! I wanted to go somewhere and start over...where nobody knew me. Those times were the worst when I was dealing with that "anxiety-sick" feeling in my stomach.

It does get a little better with time. I don't feel like running away quite as often anymore.

Take care.

sss

stillsosad,

I'm glad you responded and it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of happiness and I think that I can just be so strong and make it. Maybe it is a way of my body trying to cope with the stresses.

I also cannot even cry anymore, even when I feel sad. It's just so strange.

I love my husband very much and I have forgiven him and I do want to move on, but there is always this deep rooted fear inside of me. Getting my OWN life on track has helped me cope emotionally. Just sometimes, I feel that I want to run away; away from everything here... But I know that I would hurt many many people and it really is not an option; just thinking about it is helpful though sometimes.

Thanks for understanding...

Kati

Oh, yeah. I kept seeing Rico's lying face, when he looked Vanessa right in the eyes and said there had been no sex.

And the expression when he answered Vanessa that the OW wasn't in love with him.

ANd the way Vanessa immediately caught on, the meaning between the lines, that Rico was in love with the OW.

Yeah, I understand.

Kati,

I haven't watched Six Feet Under but I know what you mean. I saw Unfaithful within weeks of dday. Not a good idea. But now even Shallow Hall makes me cry. I feel like an idiot everytime someone professes undying love, or cheats or lies, or has dreams of true love, I fall apart. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> sometimes I get this overwhelming urge just to run away from everything and everyone.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I love Under the Tuscan Sun for this exact reason. Seeing someone just pick up and run away and start a brand new life makes it so tempting sometimes.

I also love the part where she is talking about her divorce (because of infidelity) and she says that "it should kill you instantly" Boy, that sure describes the depth of the pain caused by infidelity, doesn't it?

Cathy

Hi K - As a male (BS) I too am horrified at the number of shows, movies and songs that have infidelity as the theme. I too have trouble watching movies and listening to songs nowadays as they all seem to be about infidelity. I am wondering if we are inadvertantly programming ourselves to see this as an acceptable behaviour. It's kind of like all the murders in TV shows. Anyway, I agree it's normal to feel the way you are. I watched along came polly last week, and couldn't help identifying with the story. Strangely enough, watching the movie Troy highlighted just how long extramarital affairs has been a problem in society.

Hi K,

I saw that with my wife, 4 days after the D Day, It was brutal, although what is scaring me is that deep down I am not sure that I am dealing with this, I think it is all just rolling off me like water. Do you guys ever get that feeling, like whats going on in your own life is just a movie and therefore can't hurt.

I'm sorry for the downer, its just man, when will this end, I'm fine when my wife is here but when she is gone I feel like my life is literally cracking apart.

Its 8:30, the clinic where my wife works with the other guy has been closed for an hour and a half, its times like these that I wish my life was on tv so I could just switch the channel.

With all this movie talk I felt I wanted to share ... I wrote this poem before I know about my WH here goes .....

" I guess this ain't the movies
When everyone gets a happy ending
As real as flesh and blood
There's no more lies and pretending

It's time to move along
and you don't look back
All for the fear,
you'll see what you lack

Did I really say all those words?
Wasn't our life together so absurd
Could I take with me all the good times?
What would they measure to in my mind?

I don't want to make another mistake
I want to be sure I know what's at stake.

We'll weight it all out
pound for pound
Divide it all up without a sound

Close the door behind you,
don't let it hit you in your past.
Cry the tears
because we couldn't make it last"

I would like to revise the last line ... How 'bout it poets????? In some ways I don't know if it fits (now)(but it could explain the pain of knowing "something just isn't right" with you and your S).

Hi Kati,

I like that show too and when I was watching the last episode on Sunday,it turned my stomach.It's like everywhere I turn now Infidelity is STARING me in the face.Taunting me like "See how rampant I am?!" Even my mom noticed this.

I hardly watch TV now or listen to music unless it's what I pick out.I agree that is seems cheating is everywhere and I feel like a FOREIGNER. The rest of the world is going on,cheating,smiling,using and abusing,lying and deceiving each other and all I want to do is stay in my home and not go out.I really have no desire to interact with society these days.All I want and need is my family around me and my dog and my 7 acres of privacy to protect me.I just have to get my new inground pool done and I will not have to leave my house except for groceries.LOL

O

Ah - I know that all too well! I am constantly amazed at how non-challently the world views infidelity.

The real kicker was one night dh and I were watching a show (I don't even remember what it was - it was about a year ago), and I stood up to walk out of the room and said, "I'm guessing I'm the only one that didn't get the memo..." Dh said, "What memo..." I replied, "The memo saying it's okay to cheat and lie."

OY! Talk about a love buster. I think I crushed dh really bad that night.

But the good news is that we are here still, loving and holding each other. There are still some songs I have to turn off the radio, but I'm becoming more tolerant of movies and TV (esp. those that show the ws or op getting their comuppance - hehe!). It does get better...

(((hugs)))

- Kimmy

Thanks everyone for responding to my post about movies and infidelity. At least I know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Do you think that people who have not been affected by infidelity just see those things in movies differently?

Before all of this happened, I do remember feeling strongly about this on TV, but it didn't really affect me in the way that I actually turn off the television.

Just like Octobergirl said, I now find myself carefully selecting movies that I watch which is actually a good thing because I find that the type and quality of movies that I watch has actually been more beneficial to me. Plus I find myself more interested in books and reading.

I just hope that this gets better in time. Sometimes I feel that I want to tell my husband how I feel and how things like that affect me, but I don't think he'd understand. I think that he would say that I'm just overly sensitive and emotional. Actually I haven't cried in a long time...

K.

Kati,
I too am a big fan of SFU. I've been watching the episodes with a feeling of anxiety every time Rico appears, especially when he would get a call.

I haven't watched this week's episode yet. But last week when Ruth mentioned that she met one of Vanessa's friends, I watched the reality slip into Vanessa, and my heart sunk.

We planned on watching it tonight, now I'm not so sure.

How are you feeling now ?

I'm wondering if my FWH would see the similarities if he watches this episode. I don't want him to feel bad, which he does.

I'm so glad you brought this up.

Betrayed,

Well, I was pretty much restless and in a bad mood all night. It took me a little while to get it out of my mind and to realize that this really is just a show and not reality.

My husband did not watch it with me since he is currently on a business trip. But it is also one of his favorite shows. Watching Rico betray Vanessa with the stripper slut has been very strange for us. My H said that Rico is a fool and that the stripper (I forgot her name...) is just using him for money.

Vanessa did good in last Sunday's episode. She kicked Rico out who went straight to OW's house. Just wonder how long OW will let him stay there once the money runs out.... Rico is truly in the FOG!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Kati

Don't watch the show anymore - but just have to say that Vanessa is the name of OW in our case. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

UNGGGHHH! Hate that name now. (sorry any Vanessa's out there)

- Kimmy

H and I have both seen Shawshank Redemption a gazillion times, partly because it's one of our favorite movies, but mostly because it's on cable darn near every day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> However, I don't recall a time we've ever collectively seen the entire movie from start to finish. We happened to catch it from the start on Saturday night. I had forgotten the beginning. I felt myself squirming during the graphic scene of Andy's flashbacks of his WW w/ om. I sensed my H squirming too, but he had the clicker, and didn't change the channel. I felt almost paralyzed during the entire opening. H finally said, "We've seen this movie so many times, it's late, why don't we just go to bed".

I agree, infidelity is so prevalent on tv and in movies. If one has not been personally affected by it, I bet they barely notice it. It's become such the norm, it's pretty much accepted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Kati,

My W & I watched that episode Sunday night.

Rough? Yes. Triggers?? Yes!

In fact, the entire episode was about cheating in some form or fashion.

In addition to Rico's out right affair, there is the whole Nate and Brenda /(Joe) thing.

Keep in mind that The whole "theme" of the show already had me on edge.
But this is the part that upset me the most.

Its bad enough that Brenda is cheating on Joe (the man she has moved in with, is buying a new home with & is planning on having a child with).......but she's also discussing "THEIR" sex life and personal issues with her EX...the man she is now cheating with and having sex with.

This is the part that just got me "fuming" with my own W.
I mean its bad enough that you lie to me, cheat on me, and betray me in every way with another man (loosely used ).

However, I can't "get" or understand any need to discuss OUR personal business with this person.
I mean she was running off and discussing things with him that he would have never just asked on his own. (he was all about the "booty call").

For example, a sexual fantasy that I opened my self up and shared with her.
I mean he's getting the sex....WTF is talking about me and my "things" about anyway??

Keep in mind one of her major defenses is to "claim" she didn't THINK about me when she was with him.
BullSh*T!!
How are you telling him personal and intimate things about ME to him, while not thinking about me or us??

Unfortunately, Yes, this has led me to be rather nasty the last couple of days.
Because when I told her what was bothering me (see being honest) she didn't take it very well--IMO.

Any way, I agree with you that shows or movies or even songs can be HUGE triggers. Thanks for making me not feel alone in having a reaction Sunday.
later

toprope,

I agree that the entire show/or even season seems to be about infidelity in one form or another... I haven't felt the same since Sunday and it will probably take me a while to get back to feeling normal again. Hate that! I hate feeling this way and it seems like I will never be able to escape this.

My H also shared some very personal things about me and our relationship with OW and this affected me deeply, especially since I don't even know this person, let alone having ever even seen her (not that I want to...). We've had issues with intimacy in our marriage which have now been resolved and this had caused me great stress in my life and I often felt guilty and responsible for something that was not my fault at all. But that's just how I am... I know that this affected my H as well, but when he told me that he shared those things with OW, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. It really hurt bad. I'm a very private person who hardly shares problems/issues with even friends or family and having this unknown woman know so much about me was difficult to take. So I know what you mean...

I don't particularily care for Brenda's character of SFU very much. I find her a bit manipulative, always burying her mistakes under her depression or whatever it is she is suffering from... She uses it as an excuse to hurt others. I do not care for people of that sort of character.

It really sucks that we all have to be here, going thru this, but I guess somewhere somehow there is probably a reason for it.

Having witnessed so much infidelity and pain in my life, in my family and circle of friends has taught me a great deal about relationships and love. I will definitely make sure that this little heart of mine is kept safe from now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Kati