posted August 02, 2004 09:14 AM
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I found out in May about the a. WH made all the appropriate claims of regret and promises to do beter. Found out yestereday that there is MUCH more to the relationship than he claimed in May. He hase continued to see her. They have kept a journal together detailing their encounters and how much they love one another. I found the journal yesterday. I did not tell him that I read it but I did confront him about the continuing relationship. He says that he loves me and our son and does not want a divorce--he is just so mixed up now. His main complaint about our marriage is that our sex life is not adventurous or exciting enough for him. I found out she has been in my house, in my bed. God, how do you get passed that. I know the books say the images will fade over time and that it is possible to recover from this but I don't see how. She is married and has two children. Should I tell her husband? To complicate things even more she works for my husband. I do not think WH even begins to comprehend the dangers that could come from this. I "outed" him last night to his family. I made him leave yesterday after we talked. I let him stay in May when I found out only the tip of the iceberg. I told him that this is not how I wanted our marriage to end and that I still love him but that I thought he needed to leave and sort himself out. I think I made a mistake by not making him leave in May. I think he needs to hit rock bottom and see how bad things could be for him. His family had an "intervention" with him last night. I do not know the results of this. I am devastated. It is not really a matter of forgivness but of forgetting and being able to move forward. He suggested we move. I know that this is Dr. Harley's recommedation too but I don't see how that really solves the problem. THe problem is within--he could pick up with someone else or if he wanted to, we still have family here, he could stay in contact with her and even see her if he really wanted to. What do I do?
I called the OW and left her a message to stay away from my husband. Maybe i shouldn't have done this but I felt like I needed to take a stand and let her know that I was not going to allow this anymore. My family and his are being very supportive but no one really understands the utter betrayal of this as they have not been through it. I know that there are many of you on this site that have survived and are surving this. Please help me.

Sis,
Unfortunately I am in the same boat you are right now. I just found out about my H's A July 20th. I have a long road ahead of me!!!! Keep posting....people will answer and will offer good advice and support. I get on here immediately when I wake up to lift my spirits. Hang in there.

Sis,

You should not contact the other woman again. Forget about her. If you can't get your own husband to leave her alone, you're sure not going to get her, a relative stranger, to leave him alone. Never mind her.

But tell her husband, and do it today.

Stupid WSes! If your sex life is not adventurous or exciting, you make it so. Rar! I'm sick of WSes. They're such idiots!

Sorry WSes, little vent.

GC

Gray cloud and Tree,
Thanks for the responses. Tree I read your posts. It sounds so much like my own story. I am trying to keep my mind and hands busy but it is hard to keep the images out of my head.
Gray,
you are right--I shouldn't have called her and I regreted it afterwards. She obviously has no remorse or concern for her own family or she would not have let this happen.
Reading their journal was the worst--it was like being beaten to read their love notes to one another and the desriptions of their encounters and their plans. Should I tell him that I read it? I didn't it yesterday because I thought that it might prove useful to be able to find it again if I needed to and I was afraid if I told him he would just get better about hiding it and continuing the affair.
What do I do? I have a four year old son that loves his father very much and right now wants to know when dad is coming home. Do I let him come back home or is it better to make him stay away right now to gain clairty?
He is coming over tonight after work to talk. What do I say? Do I say anything? Is it better to just let him vomit out the details and remain as stoic as possible?
This feels like a rape. My entire life has been violated and ravaged.
I wrote a 20 page letter last night. Not a rant, more a stream of my thoughts. Should I let him read this? Would it provide assistance to allow him to see what I am thinking? Pray for me please. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />