My WW parents are divorced. They divorced when she was young, 9 or 10. According to her, she never had much of relationship with him to speak of, and then she moved away and saw him every year of so. Her mom didn't remarry but had some live-in boyfriends, her dad has remarried several times.

I read on other places on the internet that women who have poor father/daughter relations are more likely to have affairs. I know none of her other brothers and sisters have been able to have a stable marriage either.

I know children of divorce are more likely to quit thier own marriages when things get tough, but is it a higher contributing factor, with daughters and absentee fathers?

What I've read says yes.

<small>[ August 02, 2004, 11:58 AM: Message edited by: spinning the drain ]</small>

Check my post under "Where and when to draw the line"

I know children of divorce are more likely to quit thier own marriages when things get tough, but is it a higher contributing factor, with daughters and absentee fathers?
If divorced parents precipitate a higher divorce rate in children and absentee fathers precipitate a higher divorce rate in their daughters, then yes, both will be higher than either alone.

Her mom didn't remarry but had some live-in boyfriends, her dad has remarried several times.
Both of these will probably be a bigger influence than the divorce itself.
Yes, divorces are hard on children but that is not what usually screws them up. It is the attitude and actions of the parents.
Her mom showed her that live-in boyfriends are an acceptable way to have a relationship.
Her father showed her that relationships are expendable "just because".

Cymanca,

They are all about serious personality deficits established as children. Usually but not always the women get their sexual identity from their father and men vice versa.


I had not heard that Cymanca, but it seems to hold true for my WW. Her father had many affairs on each of his wives.

Chris,

Her mom showed her that live-in boyfriends are an acceptable way to have a relationship. Her father showed her that relationships are expendable "just because".


Chris that seems true also. WW did have two live-in boyfriends before we were married. And all her brothers and sisters treat the institution of marriage as disposable.


I had read something to the effect that daughters with absentee fathers or distant fathers grew up with low self-esteem. They constantly seek approval from the opposite sex. This often causes them to become adultorus wives, still seeking approval and worth.

I'll try to find the site I read this on. This is scary to me as I have two daughters. I don't want this life for them. I would try to stay in thier lives, but not being home I am relegated to a visitor, not a dad.

Yes. It is totally true. My WW grew up in an abusive broken home. Her mother remarried a man who she was having an affair with. Her stepfather abandoned his family. Her biological father last said she is dead to him because she asked him to stop talking badly about her mom when she was around. hasn't talked to her real father in over 2 years. We didn't invite him to the wedding (may have been a mistake, but were worried about him making a scene etc. He is a real jerk) and he hates her for that too. The lack of a father with women is huge. I knew it would be an issue going into this, but thought she had a handle on it.

I would try to stay in thier lives, but not being home I am relegated to a visitor, not a dad
Why are they not with you?

<small>[ August 02, 2004, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

count my wife in on that theory.... her father left her mother when she was 8 yrs old. He put her up for adoption and has not been a factor in her life. She does have a very good father who adopted her as his own when he married her Mom.

Any other BH's here whos wife fits into the same shoes?

Chris, I'm still home for now. But after the divorce I will not be around, only for visits, and phone calls. I won't be there when the girls need me. I'll only be there for them when I visit. I won't be around when they get in trouble, or do someting good. How can I be a real Dad only seeing them on weekends. I am so scared for them. WW believes the kids don't need me anyway.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by spinning the drain:
<strong> Chris, I'm still home for now. But after the divorce I will not be around, only for visits, and phone calls. I won't be there when the girls need me. I'll only be there for them when I visit. I won't be around when they get in trouble, or do someting good. How can I be a real Dad only seeing them on weekends. I am so scared for them. WW believes the kids don't need me anyway. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So why aren't you going for custody?

Cymanca, that comment you made is WOW.

I did some LBing yesterday, and today comparing my WW behaivor to her father. Her father, like STD's WW has had several marriages. And had affairs during them.

I read many articles while I was pregnant and facing single parenthood re: girls of absentee fathers or of abusive, not very good fathers and one of them was about these girls being more vulnerable to child molestation. I gave this article among others to my daughters dad and he started reading as much as he could to.

I had sole custody and he visitation until last year when I agreed to true joint custody. He is and always has been every bit the parent to her that I am. We made a decision to be the best parents we could be regardless of who she lived with.

It was very important to me that my daughter have a good dad. I even told him that if were not a good dad I would take her away and never let him see her, because a bad dad is worse than no dad at all in my opinion.

Anyway I guess my point is that you can be a great dad and very close with your kids if you don't live with them, it just takes a little more effort and an desire to get along with their mother, regardless of what she has done.

Just my 2 cents.

Weaver