I wish I would of found this forum a year ago when H had the A. I will try to make this short as I can. H and I have been married 12 years and have 2 children. My H worked w/ the OW for 3 years. She always flirted w/ him yet she flirted w/ every guy she talked to. She tried very hard to be my friend. H got a promotion as a supervisor and she was hired to work for him. About a year working as supervisor I found her phone # on his cell and I ? him. He had the lame excuse that he had to call her b/c he borrowed a cd from her. He called her to let her know he was going to return it b/c I was upset. About a month or two later H filed for a divorce claiming that he was was tired of us fighting all the time. I kicked him out of our home. A day later I heard rumors from friends that H and the OW were seen a lot 2gether at work, at a baseball game, and his truck was spotted at a motel room where she was staying. A week after H filed the OW filed for a divorce from her H. I called the OW and confronted her. She denied the rumors and acted like she wanted to help me work it out w/ H. She acted like she was trying to be my friend, changing the subject, ect. She even tried calling me (her # was on my caller ID while I was gone). H also denied anything between them. I then heard that they were seen eating out 2gether. I called her and told her stay away from him until the D was final. A few days later H called me and told me (b4 I heard it from someone else) that he gave the OW a ride to the auto repair shop as she needed a ride back to work. I called her at work and told her to stay the F away from him. She hung up on me. That day my lawyer gave me a letter from H's lawyer that I am no longer to call the OW at home, work or the OW will take legal actions.
Around that time I had a guy come to my door asking if I was ever asked to do back-up daycare for the OW child (which happened to be his dd also). I knew then it was the OW H!! He knew what was going on and even brought me pictures of H's truck parked next to the OW car in her garage. He also gave me several love poems and letters that H wrote to the OW. A month later I moved back to my hometown away from them and all the rumors. A month after that H called me and told me the truth. He had an A w/ the OW. He brought her into our home and slept w/ her there too. I have never been so hurt and betrayed in my life. I always trusted H, he never gave me a reason not to trust him until then. He called me nightly begging me to take him back and how sorry he was for what he did. He didn't want to loose me and the kids. He broke it off w/ the OW. I loved him enough to try to make the marriage work even though a year later my heart is still broken. About 4 months after H and I decided to work on our marriage (but still seperated) the OW claimed he harrassed her (which he didn't, long story) so she got him fired. I was thankful that he got fired b/c he would no longer be working w/ her. He moved to my hometown and found another job. The problem is, I still can't trust him. I ? him whenever he is going anywhere. And when I seen the OW (we still own our house in the town where the OW lives) all those memories come flooding back. I can't even go anywhere w/o thinking about her when I seen a car that is like hers. How can I deal w/ this and get over it? I'm I rushing into wanting the pain to be over w/? I just want to approach her and punch her but I know that will not solve anything and make problems worse. She was still calling him even after he broke it off w/ her. I told her to stop calling or there will be hell to pay and all she could say was "I am not scared of you." I told her the same. She had the nerve to tell me that my H was after her first. I told her she was wrong, she was after him since day one. She had no comment so she knew I was right. I just want to be over this A but I can't get over it. I went to counseling but it hasn't worked. How long did it take you to get over the A if you worked on your marriage? TIA

I'm still kind of new here, one thing I would do is sell the other house.
Read all that you can read on this and other sites.
Think of a brighter future, I'm trying too.

You are still hot off of the heels of this whole nightmare so what you are feeling and going through isn't shocking. I am 4 years p[ost and still...I Wonder...hence the name.

I don't wonder constantly but I still watch for any sign that anything is going on and I still have a terribly difficult time when husband looks to long and too often at any females that I am not acquainted with.

Now don't get me wrong, our marriage has come leaps and bounds from the time when my H A took place. It took a lot of dedication and investments to be where we are and my H wasn't nearly as involved as yours was.

First, take care of you and make sure that he is fully aware of your needs and you'll have to get to the nitty gritty of how and why this happened in the first place by finding out what his needs are as well. It's not easy to look at our relationships as honestly as you'll need to if you're ever going to rebuild your marriage and start fresh but it's the only way to go.

Good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />