we're on the rebuilding road. lots of pot holes, but lots of good moments too. but sometimes i just want to go out and... i don't know... run away... have fun, laugh. sometimes i feel like i want to find someone else (who would never do such a thing). i want to start over. i want to fall in love, without having to work so hard to not think of all the pain. i know, i want the impossible dream - the teenage romance. does anyone ever feel like that?? did anyone ever go out and have an affair after betrayal, and did it make you feel better? what about just flirting with danger, did it make you feel good? i know about all the bad stuff- i just want to feel good....yes, i am having a post-adultery, post-loss, post-miscarriage temper tantrum!

neen - <P>I know exactly how you feel. My W left me June 21. In addition to the utter and complete destructin to my self esteem, I have never felt more lonely in my entire life. I have certainly fantasized about starting a romance with a woman during this time, but have left it there...a fantasy. Being a guy, one of my biggest emotional needs is sexual fulfillment. It's been since May since I have made love with my W. It's all part of the "hell package" we call infidelity.<P>neen, be thankful you are on the recovery road. My W appears to be totally gone. She filed for divorce 2 weeks ago. I will continue to work on the marriage using Harley's principles as long as we remain married.<P>I too want to feel good; it's been over 4 months since I even laughed. I seriously don't remember the last time I felt really good either. I hope that there is a balancing force in the universe provided by God that allows joy to those in equal measure to the pain that they experience. I pray that it won't take until I'm in Eternal Kingdom to experience joy and happiness again.

Oh yeah ... I wanna run. Almost daily.

Yes, run away......but then I ask to what? and would it really help at all?<P>Some days the pull to run away is so great, like today.....I just want to quit my job, pack up my kids and move and start over!<P>I'm afraid if I would give in to this feeling even a little bit, like go out and forget my problems and have fun, I might not have the will to return!<P>Hang in there, time heals all things, right?

I can't tell you how many times I've wished for a plane to land in my yard and take me away-no particular destination-anywhere would do.

Maybe not run away, but fast forward my life about 2-3 years. Anywhere, either reconcilation or moving on, has got to better than here.<P>Shatterd1: I read your profile and your W is behaving a lot like mine. If you can find a church offering a course called DivorceCare, i highly recommend it. Also, check out a book called When the Vow Breaks by Kniskern (spelling). He's a christian lawyer who gives some good advice about handling separation and divorce. God Bless.

Hi Neen<P>I know exactly how you feel. Although W and I are pretty much recovered and lucky it was not a major affair I just feel that W had a "break" from the marriage where I didn't. I sometimes wonder if I could ever feel what she felt with OM. New relationships are so exciting and adventerous but very distructive in the end. Like CrAcK...lol<P>Marriage is like a YAWN.. feels good, lasts a long time...<P>Affair is like a SNEEZE.. short, fast, feel great but over quick... <P>How to get the SNEEZE back in the marriage? Spice up your marriage... lol<P>Good Luck