Last time I spoke with the sparrow, she talked about having to "deal with" me before she could pursue a R with OM any further. I interpreted this as a hopeful sign at the time that she was going to get serious about deciding whether Ding me was a wise choice.

Then she served me a week later.

OMW has the impression that OM and the sparrow are not seeing much of each other.

Also, the sparrow's family has been clear with her - they want nothing to do with OM.

So what appears to be happening is the two are cooling things off a bit, going back to being "just friends" perhaps, and waiting for their Ds to be done so they can start over and have what is more likely to be viewed by e.g. sparrow's family as a legitimate R. This sounds crazy - just faking like you're doing things in the right order to make the A socially acceptable.

But if it's really happening, I'm concerned that the A won't have the proper chance to flame out before everybody is divorced.

Has anybody heard of such a thing? Could they really stay away from each other long enough to pull this off, when there's no practical reason for them to?

Both these two hate hate hate to be viewed as having done something wrong, and they may be trying to manipulate this process so they'll be in less "trouble" later.

It's a little confusing, and I'm going on too long. But, well, WTF?

I have not spoken to the sparrow now in two weeks.

GC

Just going to bed GC as I've got the kids for the month of Aug. and I'm already exhausted.

Figured I'd post as our WW's seem to be all controlled by the same mother ship.

My WW is trying to sanitize this putrid mess as well. She seems to be finding far more acceptance than your sparrow. Then again her Step-sister is the product of the affair her father left WW’s mom for.

I guess if your theory is correct, they will not have the veneer of the "romance" (excuse my while I up-chuck) peeled away as quickly. They will however have to work hard to "hide" the encounters from their friends and family as to not appear to be doing anything wrong. They also will have the exposure burning a hole in their souls as the time passes.

Who knows? It might be in your favour. My WW also only sees OM when time permits as he lives 300 km. away. Same boat, different waterway. I'm hanging in a so far pretty strong Plan B given that she bought a house about 200 meters away.

So that's my take. Hardly call it insight, but it's out of our hands.

Did I say I'm tired?

G'night.

I think I mentioned before that I flip flopped many times. When I did, the OM and I would become 'friends' again. Its true that it just made the withdrawl start and then I'd end up flip flopping back to leaving my marriage and running to the OM. Those 'reunions' are usually pretty emotional - but those flames burn out quickly. There is still a little voice inside her (it probably sounds a lot like her Grandmother) that's telling her that no matter how it looks to the rest of the world, she knows the truth - and the truth is ugly.

If she truly is getting some space - she might also have the opportunity for some clear thought. Time is really the key element to all of this - and no matter what they do, time will continue to work against them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>So what appears to be happening is the two are cooling things off a bit, going back to being "just friends" perhaps, and waiting for their Ds to be done so they can start over and have what is more likely to be viewed by e.g. sparrow's family as a legitimate R. This sounds crazy - just faking like you're doing things in the right order to make the A socially acceptable.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course it's crazy - and common, I believe.

I think you nailed it. She's adopted the fortress mentality and is practicing damage control in hopes of future acceptance.

My XW did the same thing, but never really cooled anything. She was apparently successful in zooming her family and friends that she wasn't having an affair - that I was "abusive" and made her move out. Then 5 months after our divorce she married the OM she wasn't having an affair with. Oops!

I am sorry to say, GC, that I think you are exactly right.

WAT

They are probably just getting sneakier. OM may be trying to pacify his wife while he continues the affair.

I wouldn't worry too much about what they are doing.

How are you doing?

Thanks, believer - I'm okay. WW has not contacted me since I blocked her email after she filed. I'm down but not out. I'm talking to OMW lots, though very little about "what do you think they're up to" stuff. Seeing my IC, trying to get a life. I exercise lots now (was never a big exerciser before but now I'm kind of addicted to it), but I still don't get out much.

The week after next the sparrow will be in Ireland with Grandma. I've sent my letter to Granny, and when they leave for Ireland, I'm getting in my car and heading west. I'm going to spend the week in Zion N.P. Need to go somewhere quiet and beautiful, away from civilization, where my soul can get a good sound cleansing.

GC

hey GC, just wanted to thank you for your reply on my thread and for keeping up to date w/me too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Again, i think you have the right mindset and are doing very well IMO but i think SH would agree.

Zion's park, is that the one in Utah? I actually lived in Utah for 12 years, that's kind of what i considered my home. i actually never went to Zion's though, i lived way up north. i haven't lived in utah in 11 years and i only have a sister that lives there so i'm not sure where to call my home anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

but anyway, could you do me a little favor and update your profile w/your dday date and that you don't have kids? i don't remember your dday but i know you don't have kids. it just helps to have that extra perspective sometimes, especially if there is someone new who is posting to you.

i've thought about going on a cruise to belize by myself, i would probably still do that but have no money. had to take one of my dogs to the vet yesterday for an ear infection. it was $95, can you believe that. what was sad was i couldn't honestly tell them how long he had had the infection because i have them less than 2 weeks. i kept thinking they probably think i'm a schmuck for not knowing about the welfare of my dogs. i think i did say one time that i couldn't speak to the care they've received the past few months. anyway, if i went anywhere i would have to put them in a kennel, which i'm going to have to for when i go on my trip later this month. it's going to be close to $300 (for 9 days + grooming). so maybe not getting a dog was really best for you right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

didn't mean to over take your thread but i think you have a lot of valid points and are probably pretty close to the truth as you can be w/out being able to read the sparrow's thoughts. who knows what might happen on the trip to ireland. remember you can only control you and if the sparrow isn't around then it may be easier for her not to hurt you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> i don't know but could be one way to look at it.

continued strength and prayers to you, RR

Hey Gray- I wouldn't read too much into it or u will suck your heart back in like I did a couple weeks ago only to be hurt more. Maybe they just had a fight and are struggling now. I mean, it could be good news, but don't focus on it too much.

RR - thanks. Zion is in the SW corner of Utah. It's aptly named. I was there for a few hours once, and after taking a hike and driving through, I felt like my soul had been rinsed clean. Of course, I had just been in Vegas so my soul was in need of a good hosing down <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Juke, I'm not all that caught up in where the A is "at" right now. Only wanted to know how unique this absurd legitimizing effort might be. It may also be for legal reasons, because OM is going to try and fight for joint custody and mustn't look like an irresponsible liar and cheater. Quack, quack.

I'm likely getting a female puppy in about 6 weeks. She's the only puppy in the litter, and the breeder tells me she's gregarious and sweet, and that she's going to love everybody and be spoiled rotten. Her name is "Cat".

I'll be ready for her, though I still can't afford her.

GC