Yesterday evening, I called OW. Then I called WH and told him what I had done. We had a lengthy conversation about.

About an hour later, he called back and said he had just broken up with OW. He said how bad he felt, and said "I love her, I love her". Then he told me he loves me too. He said he was coming home.

We met at a restaurant half way between. I didn't know if I really wanted him to come back if he was just going to be in torment over breaking up with OW.

He told me that it was really hard to leave something that's been so good for him for so long. That the A has been going on for longer than the two and a half years that I thought it had been.

We talked, and finally, he said that we were through. I left the restaurant. He followed. We talked some more, then I got out of my car and hugged him, and said good bye.

I left, and he followed. I called him and asked him what he was doing, and he said he was coming home. We talked on the phone nearly all the way home.

After we got home, we went to bed. Had SF.

This morning, he got up and got ready for work. He had nothing to say. When I hugged him good bye, I asked if he would call me. He said he didn't know. Then he left.

I am lost... what do I do now?

I am really lost...

I can still hear him telling me "I love her, I love her"

I am devastated. I am lost..

k, I feel for you. You must feel devastated right now. I, too, can hear my WH telling me "I love her" and it's very painful to hear ... you can never erase it from your memory. Plus finding out that it has gone on longer than you initially thought.

Take care of yourself today. Go get a manicure and pedicure, take in a movie (stay away from anything that might be A-related), go to lunch with a friend, take a nap.

Hopefully others will respond to you quickly.

Hugs to you!

k

I would remind you that this man right now has NO idea what love means and what it is...

that him speaking these words are really just wasted space in the universe....

if he really love you or or in action and in worth...

he wouldn't treat either of you the way he is right now...

the huge disrespect tht he brings both to his, her, and your worlds is really much more important than his confused musings of the words I love you...

you and she don't need "love" like that...
no one does...

and until he figures out what those three words really mean....
really mean as God meant them to mean....

don't give them any more power than the sky is blue...which isn't even a good example..cause the sky really is blue and he doesn't know what love means....

you my friend are not lost...
it is he that is lost.....

what chaos can you tolerate in your world right now...
and make your plans and goal based on that answer....

ARK

Thanks for the encouragement.

I am praying that this will work itself out.

I still feel lost...

Thanks for the encouragement.

I am praying that this will work itself out.

I still feel lost...

Thanks for the encouragement.

I am praying that this will work itself out.

He says he will not go with me to MC this Friday. He doesn't want to talk to someone about this all over again. Should I go anyway?

I still feel lost...

Well I guess your not ready to do the PLAN B you where speaking of , I know its hard . Thinking that out of sight out of mind thing .

K- You don't want him like this , when he wants on his terms , it will damage you more then the A itself .

Fence sitting , cake eating its harsh .

The minute you told him the other day that you where not going to talk until OW was out of the picture , he paniced and playe dthis game .

He is/was testing to see if you where serious .

I hope MEL jions back in as she was posting to you on the other threads.

MY suggestion , is sit back and YOU think what you want for you . Do you want this triangle ? Are you willing to have him when he needs his need with you filled ?
Do you want to feel in competion with OW ?

I am not telling you PLAN B is the only way , BUT I am telling you from experiance that living in a triangle is HE!! and will drain you more then you can imagine and can make you so insane that you will not be able to see the difference of love and manipulation.

YOU need to take a solid look at everything and have a PLAN in order to move forward with anything you do .

Every battle needs a PLAN .

Do not walk into there world it is a sick place .

BE well ,take care of you . there is knowone more important then the person you will live with for the rest of your life .

Thanks 3

I hope others will join in too.

I am still lost....

Stay away from him. Don't let him move back in. He knew what to say and how to act to get your guard down.

He is the weak one. He hasn't the balls to to make a choice regardless of what it is. I think sometimes we BS's make it too easy for our spouses to return home. We should think long and hard about what they have shown us. I'm not saying make them jump through hoops but there should be a couple hurdles that they need to jump over......going to counseling should be one of them. Maybe a fing or two also.

Stop calling the OW because it isn't doing you a whole bunch of good.

Stay strong.

Go to counseling with or without him.

God Bless

Doug

K,
You're getting some pretty good advise here. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's pretty close to being your only option at this point.

You keep saying you are lost, because you aren't in a plan. You are getting swept up into his chaos. This won't do either of you any good.

Look at YOUR value, what do you expect from this ? He can't keep jumping from one side of the fence to the other, like it's been posted previously, it's not fair to anyone.

It seems like he wants someone to make the decision for him, and that's just not gonna happen. He has to make the decision, and he has to do whatever that takes to stick by it...no matter what decision he makes.

I would suggest letting him know just that. The confusion and chaos he is feeling is affecting you, and if you cares for you, he'll take more than just his own feelings into consideration.

If she was his "soulmate" and the love of his life, they wouldn't have been in a secret A. He'd have left a long time ago to "follow his heart".

DON'T WORRY ABOUT HOW YOUR DECISIONS AFFECT HIM.

I feel so much that this is the place you're at. I know you're afraid if you push to hard, you'll push him right into her arms. This is a natural fear.

Are you willing to stay lost until he finds you, or are you going to find yourself ?

We're here for you, please post back.

No, I am not willing to stay lost until he finds me.

I need to find the strength to go on for myself.

Our daughter says forget about him. He is a piece of junk. All he does is lie. You are not even yourself when you around him. He's just dragging you down.

Is this the way I need to think?

Him telling me he loves her, that he found another side to himself with her ... it just kills me.

I am so depressed.

This rollercoaster ride is getting me down.

I just feel like laying down on the floor in the fetal position.

Thanks to all for the advice. I have read it all several times.

I almost feel like I need someone to tell me exactly what to say... it seems like everything I say is wrong. Makes things worse.

And right now, this is the only place I can talk to anyone.

Advice??? Encouragement??? Prayers???